Princeton Unbuttoned

Don't Hope, Friend...Decide!

2012-01-26T14:51:00.000-08:00

My friend and author ("Excuse Me, Your Life is NOW") Doreen Banaszak recently sent me this feel good story that one of her client's personally shared with her. It's so inspirational and uplifting, I wanted to share it with all of you...

While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life changing experiences that you hear other people talk about. You know, the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly? Well, this one occurred a mere two feet away from me! Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jetway, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family. First, he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, and movingly loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other's face, I heard the father say, "It's so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!" His son smiled somewhat shyly, diverted his eyes, and replied softly, "Me too, Dad!"

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe 9 or 10) and while cupping his son's face in his hands he said, "You're already quite the young man. I love you very much Zach!" They too hugged a most loving, tender hug. His son said nothing. No reply was necessary. While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one and a half) was squirming excitedly in her mother's arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, "Hi babygirl!" as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder and remained motionless in total pure contentment.

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, "I've saved the best for last!" and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed, "I love you so much!" They stared into each other's eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands. For an instant, they reminded me of newlyweds but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn't be. I puzzled about it for a moment, then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm's length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I were invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, "Wow! How long have you two been married?" "Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those," he replied without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife's face. "Well then, how long have you been away?" I asked. The man finally looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile and told me, "Two whole days!"

Two days?! I was stunned! I was certain by the intensity of the greeting I just witnessed that he'd been gone for at least several weeks, if not months, and I know my expression betrayed me. So I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), "I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!" The man suddenly stopped smiling. He looked me straight in the eye, and with an intensity that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, "Don't hope friend...decide." Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, "God bless!" With that, he and his family turned and energetically strode away together. I was still watching that exceptional man and his special family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, "What'cha looking at?" Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, "My future!"

We all HOPE for something or someone in our lives' to come along in order make us feel better or complete or secure or enriched or whatever. Isn't it wonderful to know that we can literally DECIDE to have what we want to experience? For example, Michelle, the woman I interviewed today on my new show "The Kari Adams Show" on Princeton's local TV30 (airing date TBA), held the intention and decided that she was going to find a husband online when she first began her search on E-Harmony.

Did it happen overnight? No. She went on several dates but remained hopeful and didn't fret when they didn't pan out because, as she reminded herself, her decision had already been made and that her husband-to-be was out there looking for her. Well, wouldn't you know, she eventually did meet "him" and says the minute she read his profile she had that special feeling that whispered, "This could be the one!" She's been married for a little over two months now and I can tell you, we barely needed lighting today at the studio because she literally lit up the room with her glow.

Are you ready to decide what your future will look like? If so, it's time to email me and allow me to help you create it!

Why NOT me?

2012-01-23T15:06:00.001-08:00

This weekend I had an epiphany - I absolutely LOVE what I do! Meeting new and interesting people and figuring out ways to make love connections is the most rewarding, fulfilling job on the planet! Unfortunately, I seem to be in the minority lately when I hear tale after tale of job dissatisfaction out there. It's no wonder I meet with so many people who are having a difficult time finding a mate when they can't stand their current job or profession. Think about it, when you spend most of your days at your job that you happen to loathe, it only makes sense those thoughts and feelings would bleed into other major areas of your life.

As I was contemplating my good fortune of loving what I do, I heard a voice that told me to reach out to my sister and tell her she needed to quit her job and start her own catering and interior design company. Now mind you, I haven't spoken to my sister in months and since she lives in California, I don't see her often, so I have no idea what she's currently up to. (By the way, "Intuit with psychic abilities" needs to be added to my resume!)

I tried to shush this annoying voice, but it got so loud, the only thing I could do was text her in order to shut the damn thing up. She quickly responded saying, "I can't believe you're saying this. I just created this new recipe that I've been working on trying to perfect and I was telling myself how fun it would be to sell these to local wineries and restaurants. I've been so miserable in my job lately and wanting to quit and start something up that I'm passionate about."

I told her that this was what she needed to be doing and because cooking, decorating and entertaining was her ultimate joy, the money would follow. She said, "You're right, I need to do what I love. I'm going to start working on my new career right away! Kari, thank you so much for motivating me."

When we are in the flow of life, loving what we do, loving those around us, loving our homes and environments, loving ourselves, everything seems to easily and effortlessly line up for us. All it takes is a change in our thoughts to go from miserable to joyful; its that simple. If you're reinforcing your misery by remaining in an unhappy job day in and day out, now is the time to ask yourself why?

I know most of you are probably screaming at your computer screens, "Kari, I have bills to pay," or "There aren't any jobs out there, Kari! I'm lucky enough to have this one." Really? That's your excuse? Like in finding love, many of us have the propensity to stick to our stories and hold onto them for dear life, "All men want younger women," "Women only want a successful man who's wealthy, " "There aren't any good men/women out there," "Online dating doesn't work," "There are just a bunch of creeps out there," etc, etc, etc, etc....ad nauseum etc!!!

These "stories" aren't true and I have plenty of evidence to back that up! There are literally billions of people in this world, so why are so many of us lonely? Jobs are opening up as we speak and new entreprenuerships start everyday. Why can't you be one of the ones making hand over fist doing what you're passionate about? So, the next time a happy, loving, canoodling couple walks past you on the street, instead of chortling to yourself about how obnoxious they look as you roll your eyes up into the back of your head, say to yourself, "Why not me?" And then shout out a big thank you to the universe for sending you a little gentle reminder about what's possible!

How Do You SLEEP at Night!

2012-01-19T15:09:00.001-08:00

Do you know that you are constantly sending out energy signals throughout each day by your thoughts and actions? And are you willing to consider that some of those patterns and conditioned behaviors are the very things that are keeping love away?

Entertain me if you will...

I was having a conversation with a client of mine the other day and she was telling me that she was doing "all the right" things in order to meet her next partner. She's active in her community, travels all over the globe with friends and sometimes alone, goes to social events regularly, has a great job that allows her to meet new people, plays tennis and skiis regularly, etc. She asked me why it was that "he" wasn't showing up?

While I didn't have a pat answer for her, I was able to determine that perhaps with all that she is doing, perhaps she isn't leaving any space in her life for him to enter? I asked her where she slept at night in her bed, on the side or in the middle. She answered somewhere in between. "Let me ask you this," I asked, "If he was in there with you, would there be room? Or would you need to move over in order to give him some space?" She said she would need to move over, so I told her to start doing that now. "Act as if he is already there and you will be amazed by the results. You need to shift your energy so it is in alignment with what you are wanting."

Think about it, when you have invited guests to your home, do you park your car right in the middle of the driveway right before they arrive? No. You move it over to the side or put in the garage to allow room for them. Why? Because you are expecting their arrival and want them to be accommodated when they get there. And have you ever invited a group of people to come over only to have no one show up? I'm going to venture never. Why do they show up? Expectation. And its the same with finding love - you can shift your energy now so that you are expecting the changes you want and the universe won't be able but to help bring those results to you.

I then asked my client what her closets looked like and she said, "Well they're packed. C'mon, I'm a woman and I need room for my clothes." Have you ever been to a couple's house and seen only women's clothing in the closets? Okay, I'll admit, usually the chick gets most of the closet real estate, but there are men's clothing in there too...that is if the dude's not a cross-dressing recluse! I told her that I was certain if I went to her closet, I could pick out a stack of clothing that she no longer wears that could easily be given away without missing them for a second. And further, now is the perfect time to get rid of the things that are using up her energy so that she could make room for "his" clothes. If you are questioning the validity of these steps, then I challenge you: how badly do you want change? Isn't it worth a shot to make some minor adjustments in your life to see if you can create space for something you really want?

Here's a part of an email I received from a past client who is newly engaged and used her energy signals to find love:

"Kari - Thanks for the well wishes on my engagement. I have to tell you, had I not contacted you and went out with some of your members, I wouldn't have had the confidence to go online and find Matt. You really helped me get out of my own way and to show me how to change my thinking. It was only after going on the dates you sent me on and talking with you afterwards that got me to change how I was sending out the smoke signals!"

Yeah, yeah...I know, I can't take the credit for the actual introduction to the man this woman is now engaged to, but I can take ownership of helping this client to change her energy signals so that she could be in a space to allow love into her life. So what about you? Is there room in your bed, your closet, your schedule, your life for another person to enter? Where can you create space to allow for that someone special to come into?

Aren't you SO over online dating stories like this one...

2012-01-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

So, I'm watching "The Bachelor" last night and finding myself really intrigued as smart and sassy Emily woos Ben on their romantic one-on-one date. That is, up until the moment Ben probes Emily about her single status and she confesses her online dating horror story.

She was tired of being single so she decided, "What the hell? I'm going to give online dating a shot," and she fastidiously filled out the lengthy questionairre on EHarmony and submitted it with fingers crossed. She gets excited when her computer sounds off and chirps that she has a new match in her inbox.

Excitedly she runs to her screen, opens her mail and reads all about her perfect match. From his description he sounds like a catch and exactly what she's looking for in a guy. She decides to delve further by opening the link to his photo with eager anticipation. Could you imagine her utter dismay and horror when she realizes her "ideal match" is her one and only BROTHER?????? Could you die?????

Are you tired of similar online dating scenarios? Have you had it with blind dates arranged by well meaning friends or family members whose idea of "a perfect match" is light years from yours'? Are you fed up with hearing your own voice reminding you that the clock is ticking and that you need to get out there and find your soul mate already?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you are clearly not alone. This month in particular I have received record breaking inquiries about my dating programs and matchmaking services. I have also heard relationship success stories in record numbers as well, so I have to conclude that people are setting their intentions' to find love and making them their reality.

Isn't now the time for you to set your intention that this is the year you will find love? If not now, then when? Why miss out on what so many other fortunate people are experiencing at this very moment? Now is the only time you have, this day, this moment. What are you going to choose to do with it?

Can you imagine yourself in a loving relationship with an amazing partner? Well, I'm here to tell you, if you can imagine it, you can have it! The only difference between yourself and someone who has what you want is intention.

If you would like help in creating your intention to let this finally be the year you will find love, write me an email at kadams@princetoneliteclub.com and we will start an action plan for you right away to unveil the fulfilling life you were meant to live!

I Think I've Gone CRAZY!

2012-01-12T19:50:00.000-08:00

In lieu of my brief daliance with insanity by offering a 20% discount off my program fees, I only have 3 spots left that I am accepting by the deadline of 1/15/12. That's this Sunday folks, so if you've been considering joining either my New Years Program or matchmaking services, get on the stick and take ADVANTAGE of my lapse in sound and reasonable judgement. This discount will most likely not be offered again any time soon...unless, of course, I clone myself, acquire some Oompa Loompas or lose my mind again. (Ya never know with me!)

Also, don't forget...
Sunday Morning Brunch in Downtown Princeton, Sun, 1/15/12

If you're single (newly, perpetually, desperately, happily, whatever...) please come and join us for a Sunday morning brunch in downtown Princeton at the famous Winberies Restaurant. We will have our very own private room designated just for us so that we can convene and enjoy a wonderful and reputable buffet brunch in a quiet setting. For more information, please click on the "Social Events" tab on my website.

Don't you just hate when this happens...

2012-01-08T08:06:00.001-08:00

Its a liesurely day at home or the office...

...you're sitting at your computer, totally inspired as you effortlessly write an email to its recipient while words flow out of you as if from thin air. You stop to take a break from your psuedo novella and reread what you've written so far and marvel at your own brilliance as you smirk and say to yourself, "Damn I'm good!" Then suddenly as if to mock you for feeling entirely too damn good about yourself, your little omnipotent data process machine decides to short circuit causing a freeze which leaves you completely perplexed forcing you to agonizingly wait...wait...wait. And then wait some more. After 5 minutes of sitting in sheer-code-red-I-wanna-throw-this-damn-thing-out-my-front-door-into-the-street-to-leave-for-the-feral-varmints-to-have-their-way-with frustration (okay, for me its more like 20 seconds!) the only left to do is hit backspace at which point it takes you back to your ORIGINAL destination of Empty Email Template HELL!

Uh huh...yep, this has happened to me now not once, but 3 times in the past 24 hours. Today, however, when it happened YET again, I made a conscious decision to react differently. I remembered how the previous two emails had not only eventually been rewritten and gone out to their addressees, they actually were better emails than the ones I had originally created. Has this ever happened to you?

Sometimes, I believe, we're given second (or third or fourth) chances in life so that we can "get it right" the next time around. When you're frustrated with your current circumstance, wondering why it is the way is, why things turned out the way they did, why you're alone instead of with someone, etc, think about when you got the chance to re-do something, and how much better you were for it because the end result was infinitely better.

Like with the email circling around somewhere in outer-cyper space, if you are in wait-mode, you are in a wonderful place to decipher how you will do it differently next time. Once this aspect of your life has been rewritten, you will look back and be grateful for the disruption that forced you to make some necessary changes. How great is it that we are given opportunities to recreate, redesign and reevaluate things in our lives' so that we can make them even better the next time around?

And don't forget (you knew this was coming right?), to welcome in the new year, embrace change and celebrate Princeton Elite's new program, I am offering a 20% discount (a $400 value) to members who sign on by 1/15/12.

And now...that's less than 7 days away party people so hurry up and let's get to living your damn life already!

If you would like more information about this personally tailored program for the single person interested in learning how to be all that they can be and get all that they want, please email me at: kadams@princetoneliteclub.com.

New year, new Facebook Status?

2012-01-05T11:55:00.000-08:00

Happy belated new year everyone. Man, it's been so long that I've blogged, I actually forgot the URL to go to and my password. Well, I'm back and fiercer than before!!

Wow, it's been quite a busy year for me filled with challenges, spiritual growth, learning and lots and lots of re-evaluation! Its a new year and I'm so hopeful you are finding yourself in a similar place as myself; eager, encouraged and at ease about what awaits you in 2012. I see very good things in store for so many of us and I feel priveleged to have had such great opportunities to meet, speak to and work with such wonderful single folks, like yourself, over the past several years!

If you are currently unattached and wanting to find the mate of your dreams, keep in mind that it is change that you are seeking to create and as you probably recognize, that process begins with you. I know, I know...that darn magic wand just ain't doin' the trick anymore like it used to when we were 5! But, like they say, "Nothing changes if nothing changes." In welcoming this new year I ask you, what are you willing to let go of so that you can replace it with something positive that you would like to experience? Maybe its watching less meaningless TV? Perhaps its quitting bad habits such as smoking or using excessive cursing in your vocubarly? It could be letting go of the need to alter your emotional state by drinking too much alcohol, caffeine, over-eating or over-spending?

Whichever monkey it is that sits upon your back , gnawing at you to give it up because it isn't working for you anymore, I say, let it go. If it is love you are wanting to find this year, make room in your life now so that you can welcome in love. If there is something, or more importantly, someone in your life that is keeping it in a holding pattern, now is the time to release it, or them, so that you free yourself and open yourself up to all the possibilties that await you.

I have made so many positive changes in my own life, both personally and professionally within the past several months and I can't wait to share those with you over the next couple of weeks. (Okay, I can't wait to blab about one of them...but shhh, you didn't hear this from me - I'm on deck to host my very own TV show starting in February on Princeton's TV 30 which will be premised on dating, relationships, lifestyle and fun things to do in New Jersey and the surrounding areas!) But for now I'd like to inform you that I have created a new, personally tailored program like no other for motivated single people who are ready to find their ideal mate. I have incorporated everything I have learned from being a professional matchmaker, including the good, the bad and the ugly and hand crafted a life-altering program that will forever change the individual.* As a client, you will learn the most important basic skill upon which you can place no dollar amount on, that every single person wants to learn:

•How to find the perfect mate for you

*I only take on a select handful of individuals at one time, so this offering is only for highly motivated people who are ready and willing to let go and embrace change in order to find love. (Because you truly will never be the same!)

If you are interested in learning more about how my new program works, please email me at kadams@princetoneliteclub.com and I will personally respond to you and fill you in. And, to ring in the new year and celebrate Princeton Elite's new program, I am offering a 20% discount (a $400 value) to members who sign on for it by 1/15/12. That's just 10 days away peeps so hurry up and let's get to living your damn life already!

Oh...and by the way, have you ever watched the movie, "What the Bleep Do We Know?" O-M-G, I watched it over the holidays (Okay, I admit I had to watch it several times over because, in case you didn't know, I'm no Quantum Physicist!) and it was brilliantly mind blowing. Most of you know I'm a big fan of "The Secret" and the Law of Attraction, well this one is similar but more....hmmmm....how shall I put it? On steroids! Here's the link that you can watch RIGHT NOW at your leisure in full! But be warned, only watch if you're up for major change!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT50SV3W5K0

All the best to you and your family for a joyous, abundant and love-filled new year!

Are You Ready for Change?

2011-09-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

Whether you're re-entering the dating scene, been dating for awhile now with discouraging results, or going through a major life transition, chances are you're looking for a level of change that will bring you closer to ultimate happiness. Are you willing to get out of your own way to attract positive change? If the answer is yes, send us a quick note via our website telling us what you are going through and what you're wanting that you are not yet receiving. Princeton Elite Club is also evolving and we're so excited to share with you something that will really make a difference in your personal life! Are you ready?

Current Holiday MATCHMAKING SPECIAL - Plus chance to earn $100 CASH!!

2010-12-17T08:09:00.000-08:00

Did you know Princeton Elite Club is currently offering a special this holiday season on premiere matchmaking services? You'll enjoy 20% savings if you sign up for personal matchmaking by December 23, 2010. This is a HUGE savings as prices will be going up January 1, 2011!! Get in now, call 609-454-3183! Don't you deserve the gift of love this holiday season??

**ALSO - I have a referral plan where anybody you send me who signs up for my services, you will receive $100 CASH!! So, send your single friends MY way!!

Question of the Day: Where's the best place to take a first date on New Years Eve?

2010-12-16T12:42:00.000-08:00

I suppose I first need a date, but I'll figure that part out later. What are some cool ideas, places to go, things to see, etc, outside of the quintessential ball dropping parties on New Years Eve? What's the most unique or interesting NYE date you've ever been on? I guess the most romantic New Years I ever had was the year my ex husband and I attended his best friend's wedding. I wasn't sure at first how it was going to go down and if ringing in the new year would be a part of the nuptuals, but I have to say, it was the most extraordinarily nostaglic thing to witness and be a part of.

After they said their "I do's" and the processions concluded, the bride and groom got into a lovely horse drawn carriage and were whisked away, into the crisp, foggy night air, to the reception celebration. People milled around all evening with especially joyous spirits and, it would seem, increased amorous feelings towards their own dates/spouses.

Yes, I know weddings in general have a way of stimulating whimsical and loving feelings in folks; however, with the added notion of it being New Years Eve and knowing that the anticipation of midnight was looming, it somehow added to the allure and intrigue of the evening. It also took the pressure off of the concept of having to be at "the" party of the night. First of all, we all felt as though we already were, and secondly, we had bigger things to focus on. Love!

Question of the Day: What is or was your favorite dating game show?

2010-12-15T13:38:00.000-08:00

Starting in the mid-60's, "The Dating Game" hosted by Jim Lange was basically the prototype dating show for other various syndications to follow suit with a similar format. Bob Eubanks kept us laughing as he emceed "The Newlywed Game" while poking fun at newly married couples. Of course, we now have the modern day reality dating shows such as "The Bachelor/The Bachelorette" where one guy or girl gets to date several people over a 6 week period while picking off candidates and eventually ending with one potential fiance.

"Dating in the Dark" is a current dating game show with a whole new daunting twist! A bachelor and a bachelorette are placed in a dark room and forced to get to know one another while having no idea what the other looks like. They then go off, and each date other potential candidates in the dark, and at the end of the show, they're forced to pick one bachelor/bachelorette whom they want to date. Of course, when they've all made their decisions, the lights come on and, hence, the real "romantic" interest is put to the test!

Over the years, due to high interest in courting singles, there's been a plethora of popular television dating shows. That said, my favorite dating game show was and continues to be "Love Connection" hosted by the charming and witty Chuck Woolery. I remember scheduling my afternoons around catching it in time so that I could watch candidates watch clips of potential dates and the candidates' hilarious commentaries on each of them.

It was uproariously funny when a candidate would reject someone they had picked to go on a date with and the date would retort back with mudslinging, dissing and completely insulting the candidate in response. Next thing you know, the two are in a full blown verbal knock-down-drag-out, and all the while, Chuck Woolery is sitting between the "two" (the date was always behind the wall being video-taped), either looking like a deer caught in the headlights or stifling the urge to belt out a huge guffaw! Ahhh...the good ol' days of quality TV programming! :-)

Question of the Day: Have you ever dated/been with a hypochondriac?

2010-12-14T12:39:00.000-08:00

Dr. Phil had a married couple on his show today where the husband was a severe hypochondriac. The wife complained about how tiring it was always having to try assuaging his fears that he wasn't having a heart attack, didn't have a brain tumor, a rare blood disease or what-have-you. And that it's exhausting when he gets up all night long to run to the computer to check a potential ailment or disease he might have.

It got me thinking about my own personal experiences and wondering if I've ever been with a hypochondriac. I did once date a guy who was obsessed with health and fitness and would drink protein shakes and vegetable juices all day long. I mean, our daily schedule literally revolved around him having to go home to throw ingredients into a blender or juicer because, that's not exactly something you can just do on the go. He would also take vitamins and supplements by the handfuls which always baffled me, how he didn't gag on all them.

As far as dating a full-blown hypochondriac, however, I don't think I've yet to have the honors. If anything, I've been more inclined to date the guy hacking up a lung, practically on his deathbed who refuses to go to the doctor, maintaining that it's "just a bug." Sheesh...guys and their machismo! But, since the research suggests more women are hypochondriacs than men (and yet surprisingly, we're healthier!) I suppose it makes sense I haven't had the pleasure! Oh well, I shouldn't be so quick to talk! Given my track record, I'm sure Mr. Sickly will be knockin' on my door soon enough!

Question of the Day: When online dating, is it possible for an "average Joe/Josephine" to find love when so many people appear shallow?

2010-12-09T10:20:00.001-08:00

This particular question comes from a fellow member. I have to say, I hear many complaints from people who call me up looking for matchmaking or who attend my singles events looking for another avenue when it comes to dating. These people are jaded and turned off by online dating because they feel as though they're being overlooked by the opposite sex because they don't look a certain way, make enough money, have the "right" career, etc. One gentleman in particlar I can remember saying to me, "Women seem to only want men online that make a lot of money and are 6 feet tall. How am I supposed to meet anyone on there when they pass me up right away just based on some numbers on my profile?"

Well, to be fair, this problem goes the other way too and I hear complaints from women just as much as men. They say things like, "Why do men base everything on looks? It's not always all about that and if they took the time to get to know me, as a person, they would love me for me." They also complain that they see the same faces over and over again online and feel as though "the good ones" are either already taken or don't bother with online dating.

I look at it this way, it's a technical TOOL that can enhance your dating life, but certainly not something to be utilized as a be all, end all to finding your happily ever after. Anytime you're searching and scouring the earth for your next soul mate, you not only aren't going to find him or her, you're very likely to attract a lot of "scraps" and, basically, people that aren't up to your standards. Its the old addage which I stand by, that when you give up and say, "Screw it! I'm done," its then that miraculously, the bus unloads and voila...enter lover stage left!

Question of the Day: You're on a date & a rock band pulls you up on stage. What do you choose to excel at? Lead singer? Lead guitar? Bass? Drums?

2010-12-08T09:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, corny question, but I think it tells a lot about a person. Such as:

Lead Singer: Outgoing, courageous, not afraid to wear their heart on their sleeve, energetic and requires the limelight/center of attention

Bass: Likes being an integral part of a group, but doesn't need to be center of attention, thoughtful, smart, intuitive, organized, not averse to risk

Lead Guitar: Outgoing, witty, commands attention but doesn't demand it, clever, great attention to detail, organized, creative

Drums: On the outside looks crazy, rebellious and out of control, but internally there's a calmness and sense of serenity, loyal, caring, fun, spiritual

Question of the Day: If you could have ANY holiday gift this year, what would it be? Why?

2010-12-07T08:34:00.000-08:00

Speaking from my heart, the past couple of years have been some of the most turbulent of my life. Between divorcing my best friend of 10 years, moving twice, uprooting my children to new homes and schools, having my ex move away to another country from me and our kids, financial instability (like most Americans currently), I think I'm about ready for some peace and happiness. Yep, that's what's on my wishlist to Santa this year.

Don't get me wrong, its not that I'm an unhappy person. I like to think I can smile and find moments of happiness in any given situation, but this year, I have found such value in placing little or NO value in material possessions. This year has been one of letting go and purging things that were once burdensome. I've literally no car payment (okay, I basically drive a hoopty, but for the time being, it gets me to where I need to be), when I'm not hosting events or meeting with clients, my wardrobe consists of workout gear and sneakers. I don't belong to a gym which can be a high monthly cost, but instead enjoy getting my exercise by running along the D&R Canal and going to yoga classes that are instructed by donation.

Some say these are tough times, but I have to disagree. I think these are sobering times that have helped to raise our awareness that peace and happiness come from within and that, sometimes, we can find more happiness by having less. So, I'm taking a vow this year to give only consumable gifts such as gourmet chocolates and cookies, bath and shower gels, flower arrangements, etc. I believe that true gifts are those that don't come with a burden and that serve as reminders that the recipient is so richly deserving of enjoying the present moment.

Question of the Day: Do you get a holiday gift for someone that you really like but have only had a few dates with (more than 3, less than 10)?

2010-12-06T13:48:00.000-08:00

My answer is yes...something small, but yet "meaningful" to the two of you. Maybe something that pertains to a sweet, endearing or funny incident that happened while on one of your dates together? Perhaps a movie on DVD that they mentioned they liked complemented with a gift card to the movies? (And a touching note saying, it has to be redeemed together!) A music CD or a book that you both discussed are always safe.

One year I had been seeing a guy that I'd only been on three dates with, and he brought me a set of wine glasses that I had mentioned on our first date that I really liked. I was so touched by it because he had taken the time to really listen to my comment at dinner about the style of my wine glass and how much I liked it. That definitely scored BIG points with me! So, I think anything that signifies something that happened or they mentioned while out with you is always your best bet!

Question of the Day: Where did you have your first kiss?

2010-12-03T13:55:00.000-08:00

I'll never forget mine. I was with my first boyfriend and my best friend and her boyfriend. We were all besties...how cute! It was my boyfriend's birthday and we were celebrating at the theme park Great America (California's version of Six Flags). It was mid-day and we decided it was time to go on the park's landmark ride where they put a group of you in a large cage and slowly spin you around up in the air. My boyfriend's mom naively let us go on this without adult supervision, so we all thought it was the opportune time to practice our first kiss in the cage. We thought it wouldn't "count" if the boys used their hands as shields between our lips. And so, Derek put his hand over his mouth and placed it on my lips. Well wouldn't ya just know?? In the midst of our faux make out session, he slowly took his hand away and alas, I suddenly found myself engaged in my very first kiss! Oh, the memories!

Question of the Day: What's the ONE song that instantly takes you back to an amazing moment with an S.O.?

2010-12-02T06:45:00.001-08:00

I have too many songs that spur a visceral response from the ol' love memory banks, that it makes it difficult to choose just one. Let's see:

I'll never forget when my very first boyfriend in high school danced for me and performed the complementing hand gestures to Prince's "I Would Die for You." As I sat, blushing and giggling on his couch, I feigned embarrassment but secretly my stomach somersaulted and I thought I my heart was going to explode from sheer excitement!

"Poor Some Sugar on Me" takes me right back to the Def Leppard concert where I rocked out on the lawn with my first true love as we canoodled and kissed all night long!

"I Found Someone" by Cher puts me on the plane to Mazatlan, Mexico for my senior trip,as I envisioned finding someone to replace said aforementioned boyfriend who, just the day before, broke my heart!

Omigod, and I could never forget the moments I shared with a college boyfriend whenever he played Sade's "I Gave You All the Love" while we mac'd out on his black leather sofa! Whew!

A more recent memory is jarred whenever I hear "All Summer Long" by Kid Rock which puts me in the passenger seat of my boyfriend's car, from 2 summers ago, and him staring at me when Kid bellows, "Man, I'd love to see that girl again!"

Ahhh...good times, good times!

Question of the Day: What's the most annoying thing someone has done to try to impress you?

2010-12-01T12:55:00.000-08:00

I have a girlfriend who is being pursued by a guy who continually posts things on her Facebook wall about lavish trips he wants to take her on, popular concerts he wants to take her to, day spa treatments he wants to indulge her in, etc. She says that the most annoying thing is, she knows he's completely full of it and not someone who can put his money where his mouth is, so to speak.

And that everytime she responds and takes the bait, he suddenly has to cancel or comes up with some lame excuse as to why it can't happen! It's just SO obvious to her he's all talk and trying to woo her by default. Ha...as if us women were so naive!! She says its even worse and adding insult to injury when he's inviting her to juvenile or unappealing things because he's clearly just showboating and not interested in her likes and desires.

I know another woman who is basically throwing herself at a love interest of hers' as she literally stalks his every move on Facebook and Foursquare. She knows he likes to cook, so she purposely puts things in her status update about the "gourmet" meal she's in the middle of cooking (ie. "ordering") and leaves seductive messages on his wall like what she's wearing and what-not. I asked the guy if he found it flattering and he said one one hand it is, but on the other, its just so dang annoying because she's not picking up the clue phone that he's JUST NOT THAT INTO her!!

Question of the Day: What was the strangest gift you ever received from a date or S.O.?

2010-11-30T13:15:00.000-08:00

Best Gift: A precious Christmas themed music box my S.O. bought me. When he gave it to me, we were snuggled up in his car, drinking champagne (unbeknownst to my kids who were asleep inside) while it was snowing outside. He was telling me of the horrendous crowds out in the stores as he reached behind my seat and said, "But one of my highlights was when I saw this at it reminded me of you!" **Sigh!!** (...come to think of it, the Chanel bag he gave me on Christmas morning was nothing to shake a stick at either!!)

Worst Gift: The waffle iron that almost ended up boring a hole though our kitchen wall, when given to me on my 30th birthday by my ex husband!

Strangest Gift: The 6-inch platform stripper shoes my date brought to me to celebrate our first "official date." And people wonder why my cardinal rule is to never be the first date after the end of a marriage????

Question of the Day: When did online dating first begin? What is the best online dating site?

2010-11-29T08:57:00.001-08:00

Happy Cyber Monday to all my techie single pals out there. So, did you know, the online dating craze began in April 2005 with the popular website Match.com? And supposedly as of this early this year, the site had more than 29 million singles registered in over 35 different countries? Yeouza! That's a whole lotta' lonely hearts surfin' the web!

So, what's your favorite online dating site? Why?

Question of the Day: You've been seeing someone for 6 months now and they don't want to be "friends" with you on Facebook. Is this a problem?

2010-11-23T07:45:00.001-08:00

I received this question in my inbox from a woman today. She would like some feedback as to what this situation means. She said that she's been seeing this gentleman that she really likes, for 6 months now. She friend requested him last week and he ignored it. When she mentioned it to him, he responded with surprise and said he wanted to move past the issue and continue on with the relationship without being friends on Facebook.

For me, this raises a red flag. As Dr. Phil states, "People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing." If you're in a monogomous, romantic relationship where you continue to invest your feelings and trust in a person, nothing should be kept hidden from one another. This situation tells me that this man is keeping his significant other away from his Facebook profile because there are, most likely, some things on it he doesn't want her to see.

Like I tell my friends and associates, if something isn't feeling "right" in your relationship, it's bothering you for a reason. Further, how your partner reacts to your uneasy feelings about a topic is very telling. If they are dismissive, condescending, defensive or angry, perhaps its time to assess if your needs' are being met in this relationship and determine if its time to step away.

Question of the Day: What was the craziest thing you've seen a date do, when they didn't suspect you were watching?

2010-11-22T08:10:00.001-08:00

Okay guys, I've got a doozie for you today. I was in a business meeting yesterday with two gentlemen and lo and behold, the subject of dating disasters gets mentioned. (...somehow my presence always seems to inspire such topics!!) One of the guys said that he had one for the books with a woman he was recently dating.

He claimed that last week, for the second time, she showed up at his door, unannounced with an overnight bag in hand. Mind you, this is not something he would normally turn away or be opposed to, but he said that he just wasn't really feelin' this woman, so her brazenness was quite off putting. To get through the night, he feigned accidentally falling asleep on the couch while watching T.V., leaving her to slumber upstairs alone in his bed.

In the morning, they each got in their cars and went their respective ways to work. When he was about 3 minutes into his commute, his phone rings and he looks at it to see that it was his neighbor. Thinking he accidentally left his garage door open or something, he quickly picks it up. His neighbor asked, "Who was that woman that just left your house?" With a little embarrassment he replied, "Oh, just some chick I'd been seeing that showed up uninvited last night for a sleepover. Why?"

"She just took your trash!"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm serious. After you two both took off in your cars', she came back, parked in your driveway, opened your trash can, and took a bag of trash."

"Wait a minute! What? What are you saying?"

"Dude I'm serious. I just saw it three seconds ago. She took the top bag of trash, walked around to the back of her car, put it in there and took off"

The other guy and I were staring at him in total shock and disbelief. He said, "Yeah and what's worse is that I had just cleaned out the cat box, so this woman was now driving around in her Lexus SUV with dirty, smelly cat litter stinking it up!" When I asked him what it was he thought she was hoping to learn about him by ruffling through his trash, he admitted that he had no idea, but that he had to cancel all of his credit cards in case she was trying to steal his identity.

I suggested that most likely she was trying to see if he was dating anybody else or if there were other women in the picture, but he wasn't convinced that was the case because they'd only been on a couple of dates and she never acted jealous or inquisitive. Wow! Really strange stuff out there! Goes to show, you just really never know for sure what people are capable of when they suspect you aren't looking!

Question of the Day: Are you surprised when some of the most beautiful women in the world still get cheated on?

2010-11-19T10:49:00.000-08:00

Call me a skeptic but I have to admit, as soon as I'd heard about the Eva Longoria and Tony Parker divorce/cheating story, I wasn't at all surprised. Honestly, I hate that I'm jaded by professional athletes and their constant infidelities. I would love to one day be proven wrong that the majority of them are not cheaters, but until I am, a cynic I remain!

I keep overhearing comments like, "Wow! I can't believe that even someone as beautiful as Eva Longoria can get cheated on" but honestly, it doesn't surprise me in the least. These men are revered beyond their God given talents' and used to beautiful women throwing themselves at them. I'd like to think it's possible for a married professional athlete to remain loyal while trotting all over to globe as droves of people come on to them, but it's difficult to envision. It's just not a "natural" lifestyle.

I heard an ironic comment this morning when a listener called into my favorite radio morning show, talking about dating hot women versus plain Jane's. He admitted that whenever he's dated a really hot girl, he's had more of a propensity to cheat. When questioned about this, he said, "For whatever reason, when I'm with a really hot chick, I just feel a lot more confident and that I've totally upped my game. It's when I'm with a more plain looking girl, I feel more insecure and I end up being totally into her and all about just her."

When the d.j.'s relayed their shock about this, he went on to say, "I don't know for sure what it is, but when I'm with hot women, I guess I get cocky and feel like I can get anyone. And also, people seem to look at me like I'm more valuable because I got 'her,' so I must be able to get anybody I want. My ego gets the best of me, and I start looking around at who else I can bag."

As appalled as I was about this confession, I couldn't help but to be riveted by it and curious if many men feel the same way. Actually, on some level, I kind of "get it." It must be a huge ego boost to end up with an extremely attractive mate, and perhaps natural to think things like, "Dang, I just landed this incredibly hot person. Just think what else is out there for me?"

Question of the Day: Is having fear while in a relationship, a good thing or a bad thing?

2010-11-18T12:27:00.000-08:00

My personal take on this notion is that having a little bit of fear is actually a good thing in creating and maintaining a healthy relationship. I believe a small dose of fear that one could possibly lose their S.O., serves as a motivating factor for someone to stay in peak physical, emotional and intellectual shape for their partner. On the other hand, too much fear, as we know, will lead to serious problems down the road and too little paves the way for a partner feeling neglected or taken for granted. Like anything else, moderation is the key!

Question of the Day: "I live with my BF who doesn't ever want to get married. I pay him $1k in rent. How does this financially affect my future?"

2010-11-17T07:11:00.000-08:00

The full question reads:

"I live with my boyfriend who owns his own house and I pay $1,000 in rent to him. He does not want to get married. His logic is, 'If we aren't going to have kids, why get married?' Fine. But when I think about the financial aspect of it, I'm kind of getting screwed here. I will never own my own home again due to the fact that I live with him and pay him rent. I also gave up all of my furniture since his home was already completely furnished. So, if something were to happen to him or we broke up, where does that leave me? And how do I even approach this subject to him without sounding like I want to get married or that I want his house and possessions?"

It makes sense that if two people live together, they should share monthly expenses. But, on the other hand, I completely understand this woman's concern about her future financial security. She gave up her own possessions and home in order to live with her significant other, and now she's faced with the uncertainty of what lies ahead for herself without the legal protections and privileges of marriage. Perhaps now's the appropriate time to consult with an attorney who specializes in common law??

Question of the Day: Your BFF claims to be head-over-heels in love after dating someone for only a week. What is your initial reaction?

2010-11-16T11:27:00.000-08:00

I'm not asking what you would say to your friend who just informed you he's/she's madly in-love after dating someone for a week, but what is your initial gut response? What's the first thing that pops into your mind? Are you immediately elated for your friend and ready to help plan the wedding? Are you skeptical? Are you annoyed? Are you cautiously optimistic?

I'll never forget when a girlfriend of mine called me up after she'd returned from a week's long vacation at a singles Club Med in Jamaica. She asked me to come over to her house while she unpacked and said, "Hurry! I have some really exciting news!" Once I arrived, she gushed on and on about meeting the most amazing man she'd ever met, while she was away and how he was the love of her life and her soon-to-be next husband.

My initial reaction was shock. I vividly recall thinking to myself, "Wait! She was only gone for a week and now she's head-over-heels in love with a Canadian whose first language is French and can barely utter a sentence in English?" I remember watching her swirl around her bedroom as she unpacked her clothes and prattled off all the details of their fast track, torrid affair.

I'll admit, it wasn't long before my state of shock turned to utter annoyance. It was especially irritating watching her flip through an English-French translation dictionary as she fantasized teaching each other their respective languages over candlelit dinners. Sure, I was happy for my dear friend, but realizing the odds of a relationship like this working out were slim to none, I couldn't help but feel critical and perturbed by her naivete. Was she so foolish as to believe this Canadian Don Juan and she were going to rendezvous somewhere in the mid-west, settle down and raise their babies amidst the corn stalks?

I confess, when she called me up deflated, admitting that Mr. Mountie and she were no longer an item because they simply had nothing in common, I felt a surge of self righteousness. Hey...I'm not proud, but at least I'm owning up to my shortcomings! I was disappointed and saddened for her that her hopes and dreams had been dashed; however, I was also hopeful she would learn from this experience and grow to be a bit more cautious with her heart in the future. And the next time she runs off to Club Med to meet handsome, romantic foreign men, she vows to take moi!

Question of the Day: If I asked you, "Do you have a Prince Albert?" would you know to what I was referring? What are your thoughts on this phenomenon?

2010-11-15T08:24:00.000-08:00

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who was asking me my thoughts on genital piercings and if I thought they worked in stimulating their sex partners. I told him that I have absolutely no experience with this phenomenon, but since it appears to be more prevalent these days, there have got to be some folks in my corral who have. He said he was interested to hear feedback about it and would possibly consider getting one (yeeeouch), if there was resounding evidence that piercings contribute to better sex.

Question of the Day: Whose your favorite T.V. couple? Why?

2010-11-11T13:10:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I was completely engrossed in the "Ross & Rachel" courtship/break-up, /courtship/break-up drama during the peak of the uber-popular sitcom "Friends". But they don't rank in my top 5 favorite T.V. couples because after all the hype and turmoil, they didn't even end up together. Wait...or did they???

My all time favorite T.V. couple is Mork, the alien from Ork and Mindy McConnell, from Boulder Colorado depicted in the popular late 70's, early 80's show, "Mork & Mindy." Their courtship was sweet and slow growing, ending in marriage and producing a bi-species love child of their own. I mean, how romantic, right??!!! And the martians said it would never last!

Question of the Day: Not using looks, what are your top 5 qualities that make you a GREAT partner for someone?

2010-11-11T13:05:00.000-08:00

I hold to the notion that looks are basically the number 1 priority for men when looking for a romantic partner. I've spoken to countless guys who've admitted that they have to get past the looks first. Yes, heart and personality are important, but they are not going to approach a woman in a bar who they aren't physically attracted to.

As visual creatures, men are pretty simple! Ladies, if you're single and lookin' for Mr. Right and you've let your looks slip, I highly suggest gettin' yourself back to the gym and embarking on a new healthy eating plan. Make sure you're keeping your physical appearance in its best possible condition by maintaining your hair, nails and skin. Oh, and while you're at it, if you haven't already done so, spend the extra money and get the more expensive Crest 3D White Strips. It's worth the $50 investment for pearly whites that are sure to knock off a good 10 years on your appearance!

This all said, is it unfortunate that our society is as caught up on looks and outward appearances, as it is? Absolutely! Do I support all the hype behind plastic surgery, fad diets and eat disorders so that women can fit into the ideal of what America says is "beautiful?" No way. However, looking and feeling your best should always remain top priority. Its a form of self love when you say to yourself, "I deserve to take care of my mind, body and spirit."

Whenever I'm feeling insecure or inadequate, I grab a piece of paper and immediately start writing a list of all of the characterstics that make me a great partner for someone. And I don't limit myself. I just listen to my internal compass and let the adjectives flow as I take this time to self reflect and acknowledge my positive attributes. If you've never done something like this, its an amazing and quick self help tool that is sure to put you back into good spirits.

If you think about it, most of us incessantly fill our mind's all day long with unserving, negative self talk. This exercise is a way to change those thoughts and to help plant the seeds of nourishment so that our thoughts can become healthy in order to get us in a better feeling place. And when you think and feel good, you attract more goodness into your life. No doubt once you're done and you look at your list, you'll be saying to yourself, "Damn! I'm a great catch! I'd go out with me!"

Question of the Day: You're in the midst of a really bad break-up/divorce, but you were BOTH invited to a friends' special event. What do you do?

2010-11-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

My good friend is having a birthday party this weekend and he asked me for advice on the protocol for inviting guests. He wasn't sure what to do in terms of inviting his two best friend's who are in the midst of a nasty divorce. He asked if it would be appropriate to invite them both because they're equally important to him.

I told him it absolutely was appropriate to invite each of them and that it was personally up to them to determine how to handle social events going forward. After all, my feeling is, if you were going to invite them as individuals had they not ever been together, you can invite them now as such. Extending an invitation is a gesture not a demand and it isn't worth the risk of potentially hurting someone's feelings by excluding them on the guest list.

Now, as the couple, if they are in a situation where they can't stand being in the same room with one another without verbally assaulting one another, then they clearly need to steer clear of social situations. In this case, they need to agree upon who would go and who would graciously bow out. And if they can't agree, then they both don't go. Period. It's up to them to be mature enough to put their differences aside in an effort to support their mutual friend or relative.

Question of the Day: How do you tell a friend/associate that they have unrealistic expectations in a mate?

2010-11-09T12:11:00.000-08:00

Oy! I could go on and on about the list of clients I've had that maintain ridiculously high standards in their search for a mate. When it comes to being single, its quite a challenge to give a diplomatic explanation as to why someone remains on the market because one's ego, pride and emotions feel as though they're being exposed. That said, however, sometimes a dose of reality and tough love are exactly what's in order if an individual would, in fact, like to make a change for the better in their romantic life.

I recently had a conversation with a client who was resisting the matchmaking process too much to receive any positive outcome from it. I finally had to say to him, "The people who receive the best results from this are the ones that come to me with an open, willing spirit. Don't look at meeting a date as walking down the aisle after the end of the evening. You've hired me to help you in your love life because what you were doing in the past wasn't working for you. So let go, and trust that I am here to help you, regardless of the outcome."

If I've learned nothing else from owning a singles company, I now know with 100% certainty that there will never be a dearth of overly picky single folks out there! Some people say you can never be too picky, but I couldn't disagree with this statement anymore. After all, too much of anything is usually a bad thing. I think we'd all be better off if we had more fun, laughed more often and took ourselves a lot less seriously!

Question of the Day: Guys, honestly, what does it mean when a woman you're seeing has to ask, "Where is this going?"

2010-11-08T09:17:00.000-08:00

My personal feeling is this, ladies, if you have to ask, "Where is this going?" it means its going nowhere. I remember one time, back in my college days, I made the mistake of asking this guy I was seeing this very same question. We went out on dates, went to bars together with mutual friends, he slept over regularly, etc. So, when I foolishly asked him where this "relationship" was going, I got a slap in the face, kick in the gut, large can of whoop-ass opened on me reality check that dashed all my hopes of our happily ever romance! He responded with, "I don't want a girlfriend right now. We're in college and having fun. I want to keep my options open, so let's just keep this light and simple, okay?"

I learned a tough lesson then, but it served me well in my future dating habits. I learned that men want and need sex and they are quite effortlessly able to compartmentalize relationships, job, love, money, etc. Whereas us chicks, after sleeping with a guy, don't usually have the capacity to turn off the oxytocin effect (the hormone that causes women to become attached after kissing, hugging, cuddling and orgasm) and to not become all consumed with our lovers. I learned that it was important for me to find out his intentions before actually sleeping with him because, in the end, it would cause me a lot less heartache. And also, just because he said how much he wanted me, did not translate into, "Let's run off together and make babies."

Ladies, do yourselves a huge favor: take the pressure off you and your dates. Go out. Have a good time. Accept the dinners. Get wined and dined. It's okay if every guy you go out with isn't your soul mate. The point is to live life and to find what you're looking for. And sometimes the best way to know what it is you want, is to first determine what it is you don't want. And chances are, if you have to ask, "Where is this going?" whether you realize it or not, it's most likely something you don't want. Period.

Question of the Day: Do you believe the notion that it takes 6 mos. for every year together, to get over someone?

2010-11-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

I usually don't subscribe to the practice of mathematical formulas applied when dealing with emotions or relationships, but I do think there is a hint of validity to this particular notion. However, I like to look at it more as a general rule of thumb and not a one-size-fits-all equation. Everybody grieves on their own timeframe, where some people take longer to get over a loved one than others.

As I tell my friends, members and clients, grief is always at 100% and you have to allow yourself the space to mourn your loss so that you can move on to healthier, happier relationships. How long it takes, is however long it takes. The best thing you can do for yourself is to sit in the pain, feel the feelings of loss and nurture yourself as you grieve. Denial will only prolong the process, but take comfort in the fact that this too shall pass!

Question of the Day: Your single, opposite sex BFF and you get along GREAT, but there is a tiny spark of chemistry. Do you go there?

2010-11-03T14:06:00.000-07:00

I know so many people who have opposite sex friendships that, for one reason or another, don't ever cross over into romantic relationships. Take my one girlfriend out in California for example. We were at my sister's wedding, and she had invited her best guy friend as her date. Before he arrived, she was gushing on about him describing his good looks and fun personality.

I was perplexed and asked her why he was just a friend and how come they weren't actually dating? I mean, if someone is good enough to be on your arm at a wedding or function, aren't they mate material? She admitted that they always did have a level of chemistry, but that it just never "went there." I asked if she was afraid it would ruin the friendship and she replied, "No, not really. I don't know why but neither of us have really acted upon it. I would be interested and we talk about it sometimes, but it never seems to lead to anything."

I just find this baffling but I have a lot of friends in similar circumstances. Here you have this great friend, someone whose company you really enjoy being around, you find yourself attracted to them, but.....???? What's the problem?

I mean, I'm not suggesting we "settle" and just date our closest pal because, heck, there's no one else around at the present moment and they also enjoy shot-gunning cans of Bud and belching out loud while watching the Eagles game. But I do think single folks can be too picky at times and have the propensity to overlook what's standing right in front of them! Don't you want to be married to your best friend? And isn't it just a bonus that you're attracted to them as well? Go figure!

Question of the Day: Your new S.O. just admitted they're SEVERELY in debt. Do you consider this a sign of the times or a huge red flag?

2010-11-02T08:53:00.001-07:00

Yep, we all know times are tough economically. Some folks have endured the toughest economic difficulty of their lives what with unemployment, stock crashes, house foreclosures and layoffs. That said, however, I have to admit if I've found myself in a newly established serious relationship and my partner declares to me he's in significant amounts of debt, I'm going to think twice before taking things to the next level.

Don't get me wrong, I am most definitely not looking for a sugar daddy and am quite determined and capable of making my own way financially. But while every situation is different, it would raise a big red flag if my partner revealed he owed mounds of money to creditors and lendors from past financial irresponsibility.

If I'm being honest, I think the last thing anyone would really want to do is date someone who is in severe debt or has disastrous credit. To me, it shows a lack of self control, planning, level headedness and maturity. And you could probably time to the exact minute when you're going to start hearing the hints about their lack of money, how much they owe on their credit cards, how austere their life now is, etc. (As in, "Can you help a brotha'/sista' out?") My theory is, if I can't afford it, I save up for it until I can!

Question of the Day: Do you think overly needy mates can be reformed?

2010-11-01T08:03:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most of us can admit we've been the overly needy half in a past relationship or two. It happens. I'm not sure I believe that a needy mate can be reformed with their current partner because there is something, after all, about that person that is stimulating a specific response. However, I do think that over time, with some self reflection, analysis and possibly professional help, people can overcome their clingy tendencies with future companions.

No doubt, difficult circumstances and upheavals hit us up periodically throughout our lifetimes. How we relate to our friends, mates and family members is reflective of where our mental state and emotions are in reaction to these unfortunate events. When people experience trauma or stress, they often don't realize their vulnerability and end up clinging to their mate's in an illusive attempt to gain some control in their lives', where everything else feels so out of control. It takes some time, self awareness and an investment in oneself to reform their needy ways and to get on the path more independent. But, speaking as a reformed "cling-on," its definitely do-able!

Question of the Day: What was the BEST or WORST couple's Halloween costume you've ever seen?

2010-10-29T13:11:00.000-07:00

We've all seen the ubiquitous "I Dream of Jeannie & Major Nelson," "Fred & Wilma Flintstone," and Doctor & Nurse couple's costumes out there. And I'm sure this year, we'll see our share of "Snookie & Situation" and "Barrack and Michelle Obama" get-ups. But I have to say, the cutest and most original couples costume I've ever seen was a woman dressed as a brick and her beau as a bricklayer! It was even more hilarious when he would dip his spatula in his cement can, scoop up a dollop of "cement" (cool whip food colored in gray) and periodically feed his brick house! Some people are so clever!

Question of the Day: Is it possible to fall in love with someone online who lives in another country?

2010-10-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

I keep hearing about these International online scam artists who seduce women by professing their undying love for them, and then attempt to swindle money out of them. Supposedly they use excuses like, their parent is really sick and they need help paying for medication or Chemo for them. Or he just lost his job and will come to see her if she wires him the money to come to the U.S. and he will reimburse her when he gets here. I mean crazy stuff!

But, what about the genuine foreign people who are heartfelt at finding love? What about the earnest who develop feelings for someone online from a different country? Should we become so cynical as to not believe that its a possibility to fall for someone of a different culture whom you would never have had the opportunity to cross paths if it weren't for the Internet?

Call me Pollyanna, but I for one refuse to ever give up being a hopeless romantic in lieu of a few rotten apples. I still believe people are inherently good and that there is nothing that can't be solved with love! Even thousands of miles of oceans, deserts and mountain ranges!

Question of the Day: What do you think are the best/safest topics to discuss while on a first date?

2010-10-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

Pulling from some of my own "first date" experiences, here are a few favorite conversation topics that my dates have posed in an effort to get to know me better and to help ease the tension. What I like so much about each subjects is, not only was it a great way to get me interested in him, but it showed a genuine interest in me as a person, which I can assure you, practically every woman enjoys.

"What kind of man/woman are you attracted to?" - Not only is this some very valuable information that you can glean from your date, I believe it also shows a huge sign of confidence to ask. It's basically a way to "qualify the buyer" and let's your date know that if you can't live up to their expectations, then perhaps they aren't the right person for you or vice versa. Once you know what kind of person they're attracted to and some of your own characteristics meet those requirements, you can then let those traits shine through as you get to know one another better.

Friends - Women love to talk about their girlfriends and from what I can tell, men enjoy it too. It's a fun and safe topic, so simply ask your date about their circle of friends. Talk about how they met, what they like to do when they hang out together, the good times they've had, places they have been, etc. The great thing about this topic is it shows you the type of person they are, by the friends that they surround themselves with. For example, guys, if a woman is going on ad naseum about her girlfriend's high drama-filled lives', chances are, she's coming with her own bag of theatrics that you may very well want to steer clear of.

Free Time - Asking your date what they enjoy doing in their free time is very important information to know to determine if you have any common interests. As I always say, birds of a feather flock together and truly compatible couples share similar interests.

Siblings - Most people have a brother or sister so this is a very neutral and interesting topic for discussion. I always enjoy when a man looks me in the eyes from across the table and asks me about my family or my relationship with my siblings. I feel it just shows such an earnest interest in me as a person and in what type of household I grew up. Your date will usually be willing and open to talk about their brother or sister, and even if it's not positive feedback, it will give you a lot more insight about your date, including their emotional availability.

Vacation or trips - In general, people like to talk about the places they have been and their travel experiences. It's always fun to talk about similar places the two of you have been or where you would like to go. I, personally, love when my dates get me to talk about the places I would like to visit. And what's really cool is when your date mentions some places you've been to as well, and you both can share your experiences. This usually ends up being a great compatibility test, I have found because when two people are as passionate about a destination, it creates sparks!

Question of the Day: What was the longest you stayed in a relationship that you knew you were better off leaving?

2010-10-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

We've all done it, stayed too long in a bad relationship. Do we do this because we're putting off the inevitable pain of the break-up? Are some of us just too scared to be alone, so we choose to stay in less than satisfying relationships? Perhaps there's family or societal pressure to keep the union intact. For whatever reason, many people convince themselves that having this relationship in their lives' is better than not and that the change of ending it, would just be too much to endure.

My constant phrase is, "As long as you are staying with the wrong person, the door remains bolted shut for the right one to enter." It's Universal law that in order for a good thing to enter your life, the bad one that's holding its space, must first be removed. I feel its worth experiencing a bit of pain, discomfort and inconvenience of ending a bad relationship upfront, than staying too long in something that's a deadend. And the longer it lags on, the more you're investing in this person and delaying your own liberation and ultimate happiness.

So if you're currently in a relationship that isn't making you happy, you should seriously consider ending it. If you're staying for your partner you ought to realize that you aren't doing this person any favors by staying with them out of pity. And actually, you're deceiving them by allowing them to think that you're committed to them when really, you aren't - at least in your heart.

Maybe you aren't ready to take the plunge just yet, so try envisioning what your life would look like without this partnership. Are you freer? Happier? Uninhibited? Joyous? When it comes to dating and relationships, I feel you're much better off being alone and unattached than being with someone who doesn't inherently make you happy. Afterall, you have the ability to make yourself happy, and a happy person is very attractive, so it won't be long until the right person comes along!

Question of the Day: How would you feel if your S.O. went to a party without you, while knowing their ex was going to be there?

2010-10-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

My girlfriend called me yesterday asking me what I was doing for lunch. She said she had several hours free as her boyfriend was going to a party and wouldn't be around for awhile. For some strange reason, my instincts flared up and I immediately asked, "Whose party is he going to? Why aren't you going with him?" She said she wasn't exactly pleased about the fact that it was a party his ex was throwing and that he said he would feel "weird" if she went with him.

Well, this did not sit too well with me which I relayed to her. She said she was trying to be understanding as he was upfront and honest about everything and hopeful he would make a quick appearance and leave. I told her it raised a red flag that she wasn't invited with him, in fact, asked not to come, but that it was a first time offense and perhaps a last. I told her she had every right to voice her concerns and to let him know that if it happened again, she would not be as understanding.

Overall, I think its fine for ex-partners to remain friends so long as the relationship is completely platonic and emotionally void of lingering romantic feelings. To alleviate concerns, new S.O.'s should be introduced as soon as possible to ex partners whom remain friendly in an effort to show complete transparency. Afterall, those you have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Question of the Day: What is more important to you in a mate, emotional or IQ intelligence?

2010-10-20T11:32:00.001-07:00

Question of the Day: Why are some people opposed to PDA (Public Displays of Affection)?

2010-10-19T08:28:00.000-07:00

When I'm in love (or "deep like"), I'm a mushy gushy, all or nothin' type of gal. I'm the type that my feelings take over and I just can't help myself from wanting to touch, hold hands or kiss my mate in public. For me, it's an outward demonstration of my feelings and emotions for that person. I have, however, dated people that just weren't into the PDA thing. It was difficult and truth be told, I just didn't "get it." This person said they were into me, enjoyed my company, was physically attracted to me, and yet, when we were out in public, the displays of appreciation seemed to fall by the way.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type where people from across a crowded bar shout out, "Get a room!" to me and my mate, but I do require some form of physical closeness demonstrated. It's a sign not only to others, but to me as well that says, "I'm with you, I adore you and I'm proud enough to show off my feelings for you." If someone is completely against outward displays of affection, generally that's a very good warning sign for me that our personalities probably won't mesh. I'm very open, carefree, affectionate and fun and I'm a big believer that "birds of a feather flock together."

A woman in my database recently wrote me with this question and shared her story of a guy she was recently dating. She said when she asked him for a little bit of affection outside of the bedroom, he said that he wasn't the guy for her and that she was asking for too much. She asked me if I thought she was being unreasonable asking this guy to hold her hand out in public and my response was, "Nope! But I think he summed it up perfectly, he's not the guy for you!"

I went on to say that anytime someone tells you that you're asking for too much out of the relationship, then its a big red flag that perhaps its time to assess things and to possibly move on. And anybody whose going to work through inevitable conflicts in your relationship will stick around to resolve them. Period! Not only that, if someone can't hold your hand, kiss or embrace you when people are around, what's the point of being in a relationship?

Again, you don't need to be groping up on one another and making others uncomfortable to be around you, but if you can't show a little affection once in awhile to your partner, what's really the point? Afterall, we go into relationships looking for support, companionship and love. It seems only logical that we relax, enjoy the sensations of love and show what we're feeling about our partners to others.

Question of the Day: If your best friend was too picky in finding a mate and had unrealistic expectations in what they wanted in a partner, what advice would you give them?

2010-10-18T14:34:00.000-07:00

I ask this question today because as a matchmaker, its a common theme in my business. I receive phone calls daily from folks looking to me to help them find love. Most of the people I speak with are very down-to-earth, open and receptive to my feedback on what they should be doing and focusing upon to help them find a mate. These are the individuals who willingly embrace their current life circumstances and remain open to what type of person will be attracted to them as well. Its clients such as these that encounter the best results through matchmaking, because they allow and trust the process to naturally flow and take its course.

This said, however, every now and again I do speak with someone who has unrealistic expectations in what they feel they should have in a partner. These are the folks who come to me with a stern check-list of what they're looking for. Typically, they've been single for many years (on average 8+), admit to being "picky" and tend to be more defensive and, what I like to call, "blocked." They usually become quite defensive when asked why they're still single, complain about "what's out there," and often say things like, "Well, I'm not going to settle!"

I'm not sure if its an entitlement attitude, a defense mechanism, fear of rejection or a little bit of all of the above, but it intrigues me each and every time. The human spirit is so adaptable, loving and forgiving and yet, the ego seems to be our own worst enemy. I know I've been just as guilty of holding steadfast to ideals of what my mate must possess, and its finally dawned on me that I'm only hurting my own chances of finding love by being so stubborn.

Its only been until recently that I've put aside my own ego and examined exactly why it is I feel certain characteristics are a must. When I pick apart each trait that I feel is a requisite, I realize that when it comes to love, true love, I really am just selling myself short if I'm fixated on something so meaningless like height, hair (or lack thereof), income, etc. If we're really expecting someone to be a pefect 10, shouldn't we be holding ourselves' to the same standards?

It was quite sobering when I took that finger, pointed it directly back at myself and realized (**Gasp!!** alert the media), I'm not perfect! How the hell can I demand the heavens to open up and the love Gods to send down my male equivalent when I, myself, wasn't exactly the absolute be-all-end all celestial being? And iccckkkk!! There's only room enough for one diva in this relationship, no I will not be sharing my mirror, and I'll be right back because I have some changing to do and don't want to be dating myself right now, thank you very much!

Question of the Day: Has online dating reached its peak?

2010-10-15T14:37:00.000-07:00

With each new client meeting I have or online dating horror story I hear, seems Internet dating has reached its zenith and lately becoming a concept more eschewed than embraced. From the men I often hear, "Online dating is just not working for me. I'm either not seeing much quality out there or the women I do reach out to, don't even bother to respond!"

Conversely, women seem to complain about the dearth of new faces online and about seeing the same "inventory" of profiles over and over. I think its also more difficult for single women because there are so many more of them compared to single men, so the competition's fierce! If they aren't showing photos of themselves taken last week in the Bahamas, weighing no more than 120 pounds, with their long locks flowing in the breeze as they work on their doctoral dissertations, they're not gettin' dates!

Let's face it, when it comes to chemistry or that "je ne sais quoi," the odds of finding it over the Internet are slim to none. I was recently having this conversation with a new client of mine who was being extremely particular about the "type" of woman he wanted me to set him up with. When I asked him if he would have ever dated his former serious girlfriend based on an online profile alone, he admitted that he wouldn't. I asked him why not and he said, "Because based on her picture alone, I would've thought that I wouldn't have been attracted to her. It was everything about her, including her smarts and business sense, that I really fell in love with."

So, sometimes it goes to show, good ol' fashioned dating (You know, the kind where you're either set up based on commonalities or you meet someone out randomly?) really is where the magic happens! All I know is, either way, you can't manufacture something on "paper," put it out there for the singles masses to see and expect that, voila, your work is done! That suddenly you'll hear that familiar "you've got mail" tone and Prince Charming is on the other end offering to sweep you up off your feet. Would it be nice? Sure! But let's get real, when it comes to dating, your best bet is sticking to what's worked for the past generations. Leave technology to the Bill Gates and Meg Whitmans of the world, put yourself together and get out there in the real-time cosmos!

Question of the Day: What was the worst "change of plans" experience you had while dating someone?

2010-10-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

I received a frantic call this morning from an old high school friend who was very upset over a woman. He told me he'd met her online and they'd been communicating now for over a year. Although they hadn't met yet in person, they were becoming very close and communicated daily either via texts, phone calls or Skype messaging. I asked him why he was so upset and he said, "Because this is the second time I've gone so far as to book flights, a rental car and hotel room to go and see her, and she panics and cancels on me at the last minute! Only this time was worse because I actually made it to the airport and checked my bags in already!"

Another woman from my club told me that she made plans with a guy to go on a date and he called her up the last minute and cancelled due to a "work conflict." She said she wasn't sure she bought the story, but when he came crawling back around again, decided to go against her better judgement and give it another try. The day they were to go out, she changed around her work schedule to get off early, rushed home, got herself all dolled up and ready to go. When 7 o'clock arrived, she waited and waited and waited. Needless to say, the baffoon never showed up and didn't even have the common courtesy to call her this time with some lame excuse!

Question of the Day: At what point does a friendship with the opposite sex, cross over into an emotional affair?

2010-10-13T12:10:00.000-07:00

I was saddened, yet albeit not totally surprised, by the news of the recent celebrity marriage break-up, between Courtney Cox and David Arquette. Supposedly on Howard Stern, David had disclosed that, although he had also been unfaithful, Courtney had been having an emotional affair with one of her co-stars on "Cougar Town" for sometime now. I'm assuming by this term, he's making the reference that they were emotionally "involved" without a physical relationship.

This topic really got me dissecting the term "emotional affair." If you think about it, its wrought with all sorts of innuendo and gray area. I mean, just because we find ourselves one day in a monogomous relationship, doesn't ultimately mean we can no longer have friendships with the opposite sex. And just because you work closely with someone daily, doesn't automatically make for a recipe of an instant affair.

If you are either married or in a relationship, and you have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, at what point would that relationship cross over into an emotional affair? Is it the first sign of a physical reaction when around them such as butterflies in the stomach or sexual chemistry? Would harmless flirting be considered an affair? Is it after the two of you share personal information about yourself and/or your relationship with your partner? When, exactly, do you feel that the lines get crossed from a friendly companionship into an an inappropriate emotional relationship?

Question of the Day: When with someone you're newly dating, what's the worst thing a friend or family member has said in front of them about you?

2010-10-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

Just spoke with a good friend of mine this morning whose been seeing a new woman now for several weeks. He was lamenting the fact that when he brought her around to his parent's house, his dad completely threw him under the bus by criticizing some of his habits. I asked him what he meant, and he said that they were all standing around in the kitchen and his dad started making comments about his unhealthy, sedentary lifestyle and poor eating habits. I said to him that didn't sound like that big of a deal and he responded with, "Yeah, it gets worse! He goes on to remind her that I'm 10 years older than her and if I don't start changing my ways, I'm going to die soon!"

I couldn't help but to crack up at the absurdity of this as my friend is only 36! We both laughed but he said he didn't find it at all amusing at the time and felt he didn't need any help in implanting doubt in the woman's mind about his life span, or lack thereof! It got me thinking and wondering myself what the worst thing anyone has ever said in front of a new significant other and I'd have to bequeath my daughter honorary membership into the mudslinger's club.

The minute details are just all too embarrassing, but she found much amusement in retelling the story in front of a guy I was seeing, of the time when I came in from a long run on a steamy summer day. Again, no use in dithering over the details, but let's just say, if you're a runner and you've overdone it, sometimes the body takes over and does what it wants to do without your approval and/or consent. Both my kids were in stitches at my inability to reach "the facilities" in time and cracked up for days on end about it.

I'll never forget that mortifying moment when out of her lips comes, "Did my mom ever tell you about the time when she came in from a really long run?" It was like a slow motion, bad dream flashback where I'm trying to run and can't get anywhere while screaming "Noooooooooooooo!!!" I've never actually felt my face grow more flush, than when she told this story in full detail in front of this new guy; whom I just so happened to really like!

Question of the Day: Why do some people say they aren't ready for a relationship, yet they continue to date?

2010-10-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

This question is derived from the multiple conversations I've had with members of my organization who say things like, "I started dating this guy who told me he didn't want a serious relationship, but then he does things that show me signs that he really does!" Or, "I understand she's not looking to get into a real heavy relationship right now, but I just want to spend more time with her."

People, I have to urge you here to please listen when people talk. If a guy says upfront, "Look, I like you but I'm not interested in a serious relationship right now," do yourself a huge favor and believe him! No, you aren't going to be able to turn on enough charm and charisma to get him to fall madly in love with you, resulting in his change of heart. If he does, great, but its not likely to happen. Further, if what you're looking for is a serious relationship, you're better off to cut your losses now and move on. This way you can focus your energy into the direction of something you want versus trying to force an outcome that's likely to end in frustration and hurt.

I think a lot of times when someone is emotionally vested in a person, they tend to hear what they want to hear. Been there, done that. I get it! But, your best bet in the dating scene is to be brutally honest with yourself when you hear or see things that someone is showing you, regardless of the sad feeling it produces. And the reality is, if someone tells you they aren't ready yet to settle down, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. Perhaps when they're ready or in a better space for something more serious, the right person at the right time will show up. Regardless, its not your job to figure it out! Focus on yourself, your wants and desires and all will fall into place perfectly for you. Like my pal Wayne Dyer says, "Everything is on purpose."

Question of the Day: When it comes to dating, why do we get "the butterflies" over some people and not others?

2010-10-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

Today I was envisioning the past few years and the myriad experiences, sensations, and feelings I've had with the colorful array of men I've gone out with. Some guys triggered feelings of comfort, safety and ease while others generated excitement, anticipation and sheer giddiness. I have to say, however, it was the rare (and typically unexpected) guy that could provoke the effect of feeling butterflies twittering around in my stomach!

Why is it that we can have wonderful, admiring feelings for somone, enjoy their company but not get "the butterflies" when with them? Why does this phenomenon discriminate for specific people only? Okay, scientifically I know its when you get an adrenaline rush and your blood starts pumping faster making your arteries and veins widen and shrink. And that it happens around your stomach area making you have "the butterflies"...yeah, yeah, yeah. But what is it about a particular person that has the ability to cause this response versus someone who doesn't?

Question of the Day: Guys, what do you think of the new "Big Bangs" haircut for women? Gals, what's your take on the "Cool Messy" (think Robert Pattinson) cut for guys?

2010-10-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

Today was like any other; a Helter Skelter mad morning dash to get the kids fed, packed up and off to school. As I threw my hair up into its routine, boring pony tail hold, I pondered if its possibly time for a hairstyle change. I hear the "big bang" look is really in for women these days, but I have mixed feelings about bangs. While I've never really preferred them on me, I've also yet to wear them as thick and full as the new look requires. Maybe I would like them like that? But what if I don't? Ugh, that's a lot of hair to try to re-grow and would require limitations throughout the outgrowth process (ie. bangs too long to leave down, so you always have to clip them up, wearing a ball cap to disguise the blunt, bi-level layers, etc.)

Anyways, I digress...do most guys like this look? I've heard mixed reviews but I think on the whole, most man prefer long, natural and flowing locks sans bangs. I'm curious to find the results to my little informal poll here.

What about for the women? What do y'all think of the new "cool messy" haircuts sported by the likes of Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner? Personally, I look at them and just wanna run my fingers all up in those lucious mane's of theirs'! Hell, these guys were blessed with such amazing hair, they could practically rock any hairstyle and look amazing!

Okay, let the tallying begin...

Question of the Day: If your best friend who's single, moved across country, what advice would you give him/her for dating in their new city?

2010-10-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

Today I have the privilege of being on my girlfriend's web show "Karith Foster: America's Girlfriend" where I will give dating advice and tips to Karith, who recently moved all the way from New York City to Los Angeles. Karith's move alone must've been traumatic enough in itself because, let's face it, comparing the two locales is like apples to oranges. The emotional toll on such a drastic move is one thing, but then sprinkling a dose of dating in a strange, new city, is an altogether different one.

Karith is known for poking fun at herself for being single and makes claims such as, "Apparently I'm always single!" and now she must face the new challenge of being unattached and exploring her singlehood in a brand new and unfamiliar city. When thinking about Karith's predicament, I imagine my life 10 years from now and as if it were my own daughter who found herself moving away to afar off place like, say Paris or Rome, and the advice I would possibly give to her about dating in her new city.

I could imagine saying, "Lilly, first and foremost, follow that undercurrent of excitement and adventure that drives you to explore your newfound place. Let go of any demands of finding your soul mate right now, and just focus on yourself and what you would like to see and accomplish while you are there. Go to museums, try new foods, meet new people, go online and find out the nighttime hotspots and allow yourself this time to be open and receptive to what comes your way."

Luckily, the invention of the Internet gives Karith a huge advantage for researching places, clubs, activities and local hotspots that appeal to her in L.A. Furthermore, the Web doesn’t just let her research the places she will go, but the people that she'll meet. I love online networking sites such as Meetup.com and Facebook, because they allow a person to meet and chat with potential neighbors that share similar interests, no matter where in the world they are.

The really awesome thing about coming to a new city is that you bring yourself along with you; and this time around you get to bring "the new you!" By that I mean, you get to choose the part of you that you want to join you in your new adventures while leaving behind the old you that engaged in unserving, bad habits. Dating in a new city, no doubt can be unsettling and daunting, but I would urge anybody to take their best with them, share it and live it out loud. Heck, you were bold enough to make this big move, so might as well go forward with gusto and not be afraid to be unabashedly your new and improved self!

Question of the Day: When sick, do you prefer to be nursed back to health by a lover or left alone to convalesce?

2010-10-04T14:27:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of people (eh hem...MEN!) who, when sick, feel the need to be nurtured and nursed back to health regardless of how they look or feel. For me, this is a toughie. I enjoy being catered to and taken care of as much as the next girl, but if its someone I'm newly dating and don't know very well I'm not so inclined. It's completely too mortifying having him seeing me look and smell like road kill! I mean, migod, heaven forbid that image gets permanently tatooed in his head!

But then again, remember the scene from "Fever Pitch" starring Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon where they just started dating and she comes down with food poisoning and gets violently ill for two days? Who wouldn't want a guy like that who sees you beyond your worse and everytime you open your eyes, he's at your beck and call? I mean, hell, if someone could still be into you after holding your hair back while you puke and cleans up your snotty tissues, I'd say that's a pretty good sign!

Question of the Day: What is the SEXIEST (as in, makes you wanna get jiggy wit it) love song?

2010-10-01T10:29:00.000-07:00

For me it used to be "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" by Rod Stewart, with that raspy voice and famous dance strut. But once hot 'n steamy crooner Lenny Kravitz entered the scene with "Again," all bets were off! Who can't listen to that deliciously throaty voice and not get all hot 'n bothered? But I got'sta give mad props to my girl Sade for giving me some incredible memories with, "No Ordinary Love." Good times. Good times!

Current day, however, I'm going with Alicia Keys' "Un-thinkable." Yyyyyep, that song really does things for me! Hmmm...thinkin' I'm needing to figure out how I'm gonna make some new memories with that one! Holla!

Question of the Day: Who do you think gets more action: cheerleaders or band geeks?

2010-09-30T11:37:00.000-07:00

Being a former high school cheerleader myself, I would have originally said, for sure the rah-rahs get all the action; however, after being in the singles scene for sometime now and hearing the myriad stories, i'm definitely changing my vote. Man, I hear some crazy stories from former band members and those kids had some serious freaky-deaky action goin' on! Who knew??

Question of the Day: If you could describe in ONE word the feeling of being in-love, what would it be?

2010-09-29T07:47:00.000-07:00

Heaven!

Question of the Day: Have you ever accidentally called someone on your cell while in a "hot" moment with someone else?

2010-09-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

I was listening to my favorite morning talk show this morning on the radio and bursted out laughing when a caller revealed her totally embarrassing sex story. She said after a very hot love-making session with her boyfriend, she looked down and realized her phone was on the bed the entire time. When she picked it up and looked at it, she realized she accidentally "butt dialed" her son's teacher twice while they were having sex! O-M-G!!! Could you die?? And what's worse, supposedly Ms. Roberts answered and hung up each time!

Thank goodness I've yet to make an unplanned phone call during a passionate moment, but I have been known to fall asleep with my phone in my bed and accidentally dial my step-dad. Phew...luckily I sleep alone!

Question of the Day: Do you have a "Sexual Bucket List?"

2010-09-27T13:27:00.000-07:00

This morning as I dropped my son off at school, I sat there amazed as I watched him strut through the main doors looking like such a big kid. How is it that my baby boy is already in the third grade and where the hell did the time go?! As I drove home, I had a very philosophical conversation with myself about the meaning of life, how it was so short and that I needed to live every day in the moment. I was reminded of the movie "The Bucket List", where the characters portrayed by Jack Nicholson and Samuel L. Jackson who were hospital roomies, each created a list of all the things they wanted to do before they died.

Since I'm always thinking in terms of dating, dating stories and relationships, it suddenly occured to me that there's probably a large population of people out there that, although may not consciously know and/or admit it, have a "sexual bucket list." I mean, c'mon, the porn and adult industry doesn't stay lucrative because people don't have fantasies they'd like to see realized. I'd be willing to put money on it, that if given an assignment to create a "sexual bucket list" where no limitations, restrictions or taboos existed, people would be writing up some freaky-deaky stuff!

Question of the Day: Have you ever been banned from a public establishment while on a date?

2010-09-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've ever actually been "banned" per se from a public venue with someone(unless someone out there knows differently; it has been a crazy past few years!), but a couple years ago I had an embarrassing experience with my boyfriend at the time. One day he called me up and spontaneously said, "I have the day off, let's meet for lunch". He lived about an hour away from me, so we met mid-way at this biker dive bar/restaurant.

We were so excited to be with one another during the day as it was a rarity due to our work/kids' schedules, that we literally couldn't keep our hands off each other. We'd talk, then hug, eat a little, then kiss, take a sip of our beer, canoodle, etc. After our meal, we literally couldn't stop staring into each others' eyes and ended up in a full-blown make-out session for a good 10 minutes.

It was at this point that the manager came over, tapped my boyfriend on the shoulder and said, "Umm, excuse me sir, you guys gotta stop this. We have children at this establishment and it's just not appropriate." I was so mortified, I slunk down into my boyfriend's chest and hung my head until everyone stopped staring. When it was time to go, he walked me to my car and said, "You know, I looked around and there were no kids in there. What happened was a group of single women came in, sat at the bar and complained." I told him that was silly and asked why they would even care about our PDA and he said, "Jealousy! They were ugly and alone!"

Question of the Day: Not including speed dating, how long did your quickest first date last?

2010-09-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not sure if I would consider this a date or not, but I onetime met a really cute guy in the Philadelphia airport while my filght to Florida was delayed. I decided to get a quick drink at the bar and pulled up a stool right next to him. My flight was leaving in about 30 minutes; his in an hour. We sat, talked and laughed a lot within that short half hour. The chemistry was definitely there and when it was time to go, he chivalrously closed the tab and walked me to my gate.

As we were waiting for the airline staff to announce my plane's general boarding, he looked sheepishly at me (and I at him) and said, "I know this is really weird, but I'm feeling like I want to kiss you. Is that odd?" I giddily told him I felt the same way! So, lo and behold we found ourselves, perfect strangers in our own right, making out in front of loads of other strangers loitering in the waiting area! I think it was at that moment when I realized that divorce definitely had some merits, and that it was going to be an opportune time to do some really fun things that I always fantasized about!

Question of the Day: Is it a turn off when your S.O. doesn't know the difference between a touchdown and a homerun?

2010-09-22T14:20:00.000-07:00

What can I say? I'm not the biggest sports fan and have been known to put my foot in my mouth while stupidly pretending to talk the lingo. If you're a big sports fan, is it a huge turn-off for you when your mate asks you something silly like, "How many yards do you need for a first down? Okay, so 10 yards? Then how many times do you get to keep doing that till you get to the end zone?"

While I love playing and watching tennis, I have trouble faking an interest in any major league sport like football, baseball or basketball; let alone memorizing all those crazy stats! Yeesh, I have trouble enough getting through helping my daughter with her 5th grade math homework and trying to regurgitate from my old brain, the difference between a prime and composite number!! Whose got time for Sports Center?

So, I digress, do sports fans find this annoying in a mate?

Question of the Day: What is a common annoying habit when out with someone of the opposite sex?

2010-09-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

Oh boy, I think I've opened up a can of worms with this one, but what the hell? The thing that irritates me the most about some guys is if we happen to be on a date, and they leer (I'm talking, whip-lash-head-turning action) at anything walking by in a skirt. That's just downright disrespectful. I understand its human nature, but can't you be a bit more subtle? Another pet peeve I have is when I'm in a car with my date who obviously suffers from acute road rage syndrome, and shouts out profanities at any given granny because, God forbid, she isn't clearing a path for Mr. Almighty! I mean, does it really matter if we get to the restaurant at 6:03 versus 6:00?

And don't get be wrong, I am not dude bashing here, as I'm an equal opportunity annoying habit critic! I've seen women do some things that put my gender to shame and make me embarrassed to be part of the estrogen club! Girls, for the love of God, when on a date, I don't care if you have to duct tape your mouth shut, quit the incessant talk about nothingness. Guys really don't give a crap about the recent argument you had with your girlfriend over buying the same dress, the minutia of horoscope signs and which ones make great couplings or what you found so offensive about the last episode of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey!" I mean really!! Sometimes, silence is golden! Or better yet, pick up a New York Times before a date and bring something interesting to discuss.

Alright, I feel better. Your turn...

Question of the Day: When it comes to dating, do you have any odd deal breakers?

2010-09-20T13:28:00.000-07:00

When I logged onto Facebook this morning I received a message from a random guy (not even a friend) who said that, while he thought I had a nice body, the freckles on my chest were an absolute deal breaker. Really? Freckles on a chest? Do most guys find this unattractive on a woman? And then, it got me thinking...I wonder if a lot of other people have deal breakers that are unorthodox or perhaps shallow, shall we say?

Aside from the obvious ones (drugs, physical/verbal abuse, legal problems, cheating, etc.) I personally would hate to be limited by any unconventional deal breakers that could hold me back from potentially meeting a great person. Let's face it, we have a lot of weeding to do given the amount of freaks, losers and jerks out there, before finding the ones worth our time! Why add more restrictions on yourself by having silly requirements or demands?

Question of the Day: Girls, how do you pose the question, "Do you only want me for sex?" And guys, how do you respond to this?

2010-09-17T11:06:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with a male friend of mine and we were having a discussion on this topic. We were contemplating whether or not the "90 day rule" (before having sex with a new partner) is at all realistic these days. He claimed that it's absolutely not and that if a woman thinks she can have her new man wait it out, "He's either a total loser or he's getting it from somewhere else." While I don't hold quite as staunch opinion as my friend, I do concur that waiting for a full three months before having sex with someone you're dating, really is not realistic in the fast paced times in which we're living.

My friend then went on to say, "And don't ask us guys Do you only want me for sex?, because you're not really going to like the answer." When I challenged him on this and told him that its a girl thing and we do need reassurance that you like us for who we are and not just for the sex, he replied, "It's a part of why we keep you around. If we're in a relationship with you, then obviously there's an emotional connection there and we like to have regular sex. If we didn't care about the relationship, we'd just go get it from bimbos and strippers on a regular basis without all the work involved to cultivate a relationship!"

Hmmm...interesting. You know girls, if you don't have one, I strongly encourage you to go out and get a great guy pal who will tell you everything you wanted to know that your current partner's too afraid to tell you. It can be quite enlightening!

Question of the Day: How many states have you done "it" in?

2010-09-16T06:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm cheating here a bit as I just heard this question on the radio while I was on my way to Barnes & Noble. Let's see....Louisiana, California, Arizona, Colorado, New Jersey....hmm...is Puerto Rico a state? Well, I could go on and on but I have things to do today. (What can I say, my ex liked to move and travel a lot!)

Bet all you truck drivers and military folks out there can boast some serious numbers...

Question of the Day: What is the strangest thing that's happened to you on a first date?

2010-09-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

Ha! I got the greatest message from a fellow member yesterday telling me a crazy first state story. This is what he wrote:

So this woman and I decide for a first date that we are going to get sushi. Now, i know that people are picky when it comes to sushi so I made sure this is DEFINITELY cool with her, and she assured me she was fine with it. There's a place called U-Yee Sushi in Woodbridge and we decide that we are going to meet there. So we get there, order a drink and sit down to eat. As we look at the menu, I asked her if she wanted to order a bunch of different rolls and we can just try different stuff, or if she wanted to order her own and I would get mine. She says, "Just order a bunch of stuff and we will feast!" Then she excuses herself to go to the ladies room.

In the meantime, I order, we get our soups, then our salads and she's still not back. TWENTY minutes goes by and still shes M.I.A.! I start eating my soup and honestly just thought she had bailed and I was going to have to eat all this food by myself. As I reach for my phone to give her a call, she walks back in with a bag from TGI Fridays. I kid you not! She sits down, opens the bag, and takes out a salad and puts it on a plate! She then takes the bag and food container and sticks it in her purse and says to me "They won't mind, right? I mean, you totally ordered enough food for 2 right?" Needless to say this was the first and last time we went out.

This was my response to him:

I swear to god what do these people think? I have a similar story, only it wasn't the misleading of liking a particular food he failed to mention when we first met. It was the wife!!!!!

Question of the Day: At what point does confidence cross over into cockiness?

2010-09-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

I like a confident man. I'm even more impressed by a confident woman who can hold her head up high and require only the best for herself. What I'm not a fan of, is someone who has an entitlement attitude and acts as though its their right to put down or condescend to others. I was just having this conversation with my girlfriend yesterday who said she was out to dinner with a bunch of her girlfriends and she was appalled by how they treated the servers. She said they complained the entire time and acted as if they were somehow better human beings than the servers simply because of the side of the table they were on!

This reminds me of a time when I was on a date with a very wealthy, polished and powerful gentleman who seemed very sure of himself. I realized, however, that his confidence crossed over into arrogance when he treated our server like a second class citizen. Not only was it embarrassing and uncomfortable, but I felt as though I was aiding and abetting his behavior just by being his date!

There is a fine line, I will admit, between confidence and cockiness. I mean, hell, I'm guilty of becoming too damn proud of myself and boasting when I've succeeded at something I worked really hard at. We're human. It happens. The difference, I think, is that someone who becomes cocky or arrogant has worked at that attitude for sometime. It didn't just happen overnight. After years of doing great things, working really hard, becoming powerful, looking beautiful, or what-have-you, and constantly receiving praise, they filled themselves up with the accolades and forgot to self-check and become humbled by other life experiences.

Arrogant people usually end up short circuiting themselves because they turn enough people off and become alienated. And, the cockiest of cocky don't even care! Anyways, how do you see yourself? Are you confident or cocky? Don't be too quick to answer. If you fall into the latter category, you'd be wise to figure out why and then do something about it post haste!

Question of the Day: What's the strangest thing you've seen a date or significant other eat?

2010-09-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

I one time was on a date with a guy who ordered a side of whole, raw garlic cloves. When I asked him what they were for, he said, "Oh, these? I like to eat them with my food. They enhance the taste of everything." Each time he took a bite of his meal, he'd pop a clove in his mouth and chew vigorously before swallowing. I was absolutely horrified! Needless to say, he did not get a goodnight kiss at the end of the evening. I mean, he just as well should have showed wearing a sign that said, "I have really bad breath!"

Question of the Day: What's the ONE thing you miss the most about having a significant other?

2010-09-09T14:17:00.000-07:00

Wow! I picked a doozy of a question today, huh? I'd have the say the one thing I miss the very most about having a significant other in my life, is having a soft place to land at the end of the day. I miss having that special someone who supports me, listens to me and is there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on. Yes, girlfriends are wonderful for this and I cherish my BFF's and their supportive friendship more than anyone. But its different with a soul mate.

It's as if they have the ability to reach inside of you and nourish your heart with the right words or the perfect look that says, "It will be alright. I love you no matter what." They wipe your tears away and still find you sexy and desireable even with puffy, swolen eyes. Perhaps its more the security I miss and just knowing that I have someone in my corner who will go to bat for me if God forbid, I accidentally burned my house down or pissed off an important client.

Well, like I always like to say, there are pluses and minuses to both being in a committed relationship and being single....and dammit, while I'm single, I'm livin' LARGE! (I'll just have to make I stay out of the kitchen, away from stovetops while I'm single and living alone!)

Question of the Day: If you were given ONE sentence to say to your "one that got away," what would you say?

2010-09-08T12:56:00.000-07:00

I'm having a difficult time even thinking of a "one that got away" because I feel like every experience and every person I've met entered and left my life for a reason. I guess to the one that I had the highest hopes for and the one who hurt me the most, I would say, "Thank you for breaking my heart and showing me all of the inner-strength I have; I rely on it daily!" (Does a semi-colon still count as one sentence?? I think so...)

Question of the Day: If you could go on a dream date to any sporting event, what would it be?

2010-09-07T09:11:00.000-07:00

My ideal sporting event date (which I did one time experience!): Tickets to a suite at the U.S. Open in Arthur Ashe Stadium. Spending the day catching many early round games as we stroll Flushing Meadows and then meander back to our suite stadium seats for a late afternoon match. Then ending the high pulse tennis day with a dinner at a trendy bistro in lower downtown, Manhattan. Ahhhh...I love this time of year! Now I just gotta figure out how I'm going to get myself on that date within the next couple of weeks!

Question of the Day: What was the most offensive "compliment" someone ever said to you?

2010-09-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

I one time went on a date with a guy who seemed surprised when he first saw me and said, "Wow! You look a lot different than the first time we met. You look so much older!" Uh...thanks? Gee, what a way to woo a girl! When he realized his faux pas as he saw my look of horror, he went on to make matters worse by saying, "I just meant, you looked so young and hip the first time I saw you." Hmm...some people should just quit while they're ahead!

Question of the Day: You exchanged numbers with someone you're really into. Who should make the first contact, the man or the woman?

2010-09-02T08:42:00.000-07:00

It's a new millennium and dating has changed. I, however, really don't care! We are still human beings encoded with DNA that motivates men to be providers and hunters and women as gatherers. Despite being in a new, fast paced modern world of technology and liberation, I find absolutely nothing wrong with co-opting into traditional roles where men still pursue and women respond.

If you're a follower of Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's dating guide "The Rules," then you're familiar with rule #7 "If he does not call, he's not that interested. Period." While I'm not usually a proponent of hard set rules, game playing and strategy in relationships, I couldn't agree more with this notion. If a man is interested, he will find a way to contact you! If its been a week or two and you have not heard from him, he isn't too busy, he didn't lose your number, he's not stranded in some inner-city ghetto because he was robbed and held at gunpoint. He's just not that into you.

I once met a beautiful female bartender who told me that she no longer gives her phone number out to men who hit on her. She said she was sick and tired of becoming interested in someone, only to wait in vain by the phone for them to call. She was confident and matter-of-fact as she proclaimed, "He met me here, he knows where I work. If he's that interested, he'll find me!" Absolutely girlfriend!

Am I suggesting women never call a guy? No way. You absolutely should call men; however, I think you set the stage when you hold out and wait for him to make the initial contact. By doing this, you honor your dignity, respect yourself and maintain that you have requirements. You never want to start out the relationship with you, as a woman, pursuing because you'll always wonder if he would have ever made the first contact.

In his best selling book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," I love when Steve Harvey proclaims, "When a guy comes to win your affections, you know when a guy is trying to win something from you. You are the one who determines what he wins. A guy can't hold your hand unless you let him. A guy can't kiss you unless you let him. We certainly can't get in bed with you unless you okay it. So you control all of that. Knowing that you have that kind of power, there are a lot of things you can get from a man. Chivalry is not dead. It is just not required anymore." Amen, hallelujah! Girlfriends, its time we require more for ourselves and quit lowering the bar on standards! Afterall, like Steve suggests, we can't have our power taken from us unless we give it away. Well I say...its time to take it back!

Question of the Day: If you ever realized you needed to make a change in your personal or dating life, what did you do to kick-start the change?

2010-09-01T11:57:00.000-07:00

I think we're always experiencing times in our lives' when we realize its time to make some changes. I, for one, know that it's about high time I start being kinder and gentler to myself, and appreciating the good person, mother and friend that I am. Lately, when I'm at a crossroads and needing to make some changes, the very first thing I do is quiet my mind by meditating or going on long runs in nature. When I give my brain a break from the incessant criticism and bantering, my energy shifts and I seem to notice more of what is in the moment: a bird chirping, ripple effects along the canal, a vibrant butterfly fluttering nearby, the laughter of my children.

People think I'm crazy when I tell them that I actually really enjoy my life the most when I'm fed up and detoxing from dating. It's like I get to take a stand and say, "Enough! It's time to focus on Kari now!" It's my time to reflect and work on self love. The very best thing of all during this time, is somehow the Universe heeds my call and starts to bring me more love, positivity and happiness. It's so cliche, but so dang true; if you don't love yourself, how can you expect anybody else to love you?

Typically, the majority of us hold ourselves back from true happiness. For many of us, it feels more safe and familiar to accept failure and that we're actually petrified of real success because we don't know what it looks like. It's foreign, so it's easier to self-sabotage and stand in our own way and resist peace and happiness. The beautiful thing about proclaiming the need for change in your life, is that once you do, the world will make way for progress to happen. Happiness really is a choice. It's that simple!

Question of the Day: What's the hottest vacation spot you've been to with a significant other?

2010-08-31T08:16:00.000-07:00

Just yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend about "hot" vacation get-away's with a lover. She told me one time she was in a remote destination in Mexico with a private beach outside her villa that she literally had sex on with her lover every day! She said they were basically more out of their clothes than in them, the entire trip! Wow!! Yeah, I think any place that's tropical, remote and perfectly warm and breezy automatically sparks up the hormones and naturally stimulates amorous feelings in people.

That said, however, I also find romantic ski vacations very romantic and arousing. There's something about snuggling all warm and cozy with someone in a log cabin with a roaring fire, while outside the snow blusters, that can make any level headed girl swoon and melt! Or what about big city destinations that have a nightlife pulse strong enough to palpitate any marathon runner's heart? Day trips to museums, lunch al fresco in quaint little bistros, evening dancing in remote plazas? ...Omigosh, now where did I put that passport application?

Question of the Day: When do you think it's appropriate to introduce your new partner to your child(ren)?

2010-08-24T06:52:00.000-07:00

A lot of people I meet say they would never introduce the people they're dating to their children until after 6 months. In theory, I suppose that's practical, but in reality, I just don't think it's realistic. I have introduced my kids to several guys I've dated and don't regret a thing (well, okay, maybe one!!) In actuality, I am a package deal and in order to assess how the relationship is going to work out for everyone involved, all parties need to meet and learn about one another. If you trust your instincts as a parent, introducing people to your children is also a great barometer for how the relationship is going to procede as deal-breakers will show themselves sooner rather than later!

I'm not advocating bringing home every Joe Schmo you encounter; however, if you're currently dating someone and things seem to be naturally moving forward, introducing the kids within a couple of months is reasonable and important. The reality is, you cannot shield or protect your kids from the current changes of their family structure and having divorced parents means life is going to look different than it did before. If you think about it, change is inevitable in everybody's life and sometimes the younger you are at learning how to adapt, the better able you'll handle change and stress as an adult.

Question of the Day: Have you ever seen your ex's significant other wearing an item of your clothing?

2010-08-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

Ha! I was listening to the radio this morning and a guy phoned in saying that his ex-girlfriend is still a friend of his on Facebook and that they keep in touch from time to time. He went on to say that the other day he noticed she posted pictures of herself with her new boyfriend. He said when he looked closer at one of them, he noticed the dude was wearing his motorcycle jacket and helmet! Poor guy!

Another guy called in and said he was at a woman's place one night and she opened up her underwear drawer, pulled out some boxers and said, "Here! Sleep in these!" When the DJ asked him if he was cool with free swingin' in another dude's underwear, the caller said, "Hell no!" Omigosh, what are some people thinking? I got my own clothes, thank you very much!

Question of the Day: Who plays head games more, men or women?

2010-08-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

Not having conducted a thorough quantitative analysis on this topic, I just have to go from pure experience in the singles world. And female cohorts, I'm sorry, but I gotta out ya! My answer is women. But chicas, if it's any consolation, I think men are bigger babies and, so, what would you prefer being better at?

Question of the Day: What do anniversary dates of former relationships mean to you now?

2010-08-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

Some anniversary dates are welcomed reminders of a happy time in our lives that we shared with friends and loved ones. Some, are painful memorials of times when we experienced a great loss. Regardless, anniversary dates have a way of stimulating an array of emotions in all of us, some predictable, some unexpected.

When the anniversary date of my wedding came up amidst my first year of being divorced, I was overwhelmed with nostalgia, as I reminisced about the beauty of the nuptials as well as my family members' attendance and support. Throw a little guilt, shame and depression on top of the mix, and you have yourself a full blown breakdown.

This past year, however, I burst out in laughter as I was driving with my two kids in the car and my daughter had asked me what the date was. When I responded, "Honey, it's the 24th," I realized that 16 and a half hours had actually gone by before I had even realized it was the date of my wedding anniversary! With a huge guffaw, I screamed it out loud again, "It's the 24th!!!!"

I've been on this divorce roller coaster (God willing!) long enough to realize that, like a long string tied to another soul, from time to time over the years, is going to get pulled and tugged on, and often at times when I least expect it. Patience, trust and acceptance of our emotions during hallmarks of our past, help heal our wounds and are the best expressions of self love one can give to oneself. Today's a new day - happy anniversary!

Question of the Day: What do you think are the social and emotional consequences of finding out your spouse/significant other is gay?

2010-08-17T07:20:00.000-07:00

No names here, but several people have crossed my path that were in marriages or long-term relationships only to discover that their mate was gay. I even have a friend whose husband was a cross-dresser which ultimately led to the demise of the union. I was talking with my girlfriend about this topic before I posted it and we were both mulling over whether we would actually feel better or worse knowing our significant other was having an affair with another man?

It's definitely a very convoluted situation replete with many tentacles and scenarios. Heck, I even know of couples who stay together and agree that its okay for the gay partner to have a relationship outside of the marriage. All grieving experiences are unique, but I think the process for the straight partner would take on a whole different challenge than a dual heterosexual split.

Question of the Day: What is the best way to handle your significant other's child/ren from being negatively influenced by their ex?

2010-08-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

It's such a tragedy when children are used as pawns and end up being the "casualty" of divorce. I've heard of this situation often where a couple has to "de-program" the children once they get home from visiting the ex. It's a difficult situation not only for the children, but for the new couple as well, as they try to navigate through these circumstances. In many cases, the ex brainwashes the children specifically about the new partner their ex has and this dramatically impacts the relationship.

Well, bottom line is, the mother and father of these children aren't going anywhere, so a lot of compromising and patience needs to take place between all parties that involve the upbringing of the kids. Afterall, when two ex's have an acrimonious relationship, it's the kids who suffer the most!

Question of the Day: If your significant other goes through a MAJOR change in appearance (weight, surgery, etc.) that you don't care for, what do you do?

2010-08-15T10:09:00.000-07:00

When I was in my teens and early 20's, I was very curvaceous (okay, at times I was downright chubby!). I met my soon-to-be husband while looking this way. When we were engaged I got heavily into running and started doing lots of different races which ultimately motivated me to run a marathon. My body was quickly changing and I was soon becoming rather fit.

It really wasn't until after having two kids, that my body did the most morphing and I underwent my biggest physical transformation. I am, I suppose, one of the rare women whose metabolism actually speeds up after childbirth. After my second child was born, to keep active and busy, I started going to the gym everyday which eventually resulted in becoming a fitness and Spinning instructor (Gee, can you say, obsessive-type personality?).

I grew my hair long, became a size 0-2 and literally looked like a different person from back in my youth. Anyhoo, while I'm sure most husbands would relish this new version of me, mine wasn't a fan. Not that he hated how I now looked, but it wasn't the girl he originally married. Truth be told, I'm sure there was some insecurity on his part from potential wife poachers out there and a fear of losing me.

I don't say all of this to brag, but more to make a point; because my husband preferred the more voluptuous Kari, my major physical transformation did have a negative impact on our relationship. You see it all the time where, as new couples explore their new found comfort in having a mate, pack on the pounds as they experience new things together. We like to say that we choose our mate's, not based on how they look, but because of who they are, but we all know it's physical attraction that first piques our interest.

Ya gotta wonder with all of the new weight loss and plastic surgery procedures now being practiced, how this impacts the significant others of those looking at their "new" mates? I admit I'd find it strange if I were, say Spencer Pratt and one day woke up next to the new Heidi. Let's face it, there's more than meets the eye with such drastic measures and the mental issues and adjustments for both parties will inevitably rise to the surface. IMHO.

Question of the Day: What color of clothing are you most drawn or attracted to with the opposite sex?

2010-08-12T12:35:00.000-07:00

According to the recent research and cited in the AOL Health article (below), women as well as men, are mostly attracted to the opposite sex who wear the color red. The research suggested women's attraction to the hue worn by men promoted their interest based on status, sexual response and romance. What else is rather fascinating was the finding that an individual's attraction to the opposite sex who wear red, is totally without awareness as they are completely oblivious to its power over them! I always thought I liked a man in light blue or black, but perhaps I need to test this theory out at my local Target and see how drawn I am to the male employees! Target....eh...oh well, it's a start!

Seeing Red: Women Attracted to Men in Rose-Colored Clothes - AOL Health

Question of the Day: In a long distance relationship, what are some good strategies for making it work?

2010-08-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

You hear many gripes from people claiming that long distance relationship's don't work. The truth is, LDR's aren't for everyone; however, I have seen my fair share of lengthy and successful ones. I'm not sure I've personally ever been cut out for one myself, but then again, so long as I have a lot of reassurance, honesty and communication from my significant other, who knows? Anything's possible...

Question of the Day: Have you ever heard the term "Lubber?" Bonus point if you can name its origin and what happens to you when you don't get one?

2010-08-10T09:56:00.000-07:00

Oh it's a whole new world for me. I just learned a new term today: "Lubber." If you can tell me where it comes from and what happens to you if you don't plan ahead and get one...heck, I'll buy ya a case!!!

Question of the Day: Would you rather have a partner with passion, intensity and incredible sex but constant fighting and upheaval or a steady, peaceful relationship with lack of sexual compatibility?

2010-08-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

Volatility and upheaval coupled with amazing, intense sex tend to go hand in hand in many relationships. You know them well, and perhaps have been in a few of 'em yourself. These on and off couples bicker, fight, and break-up to make up. It's like some sick obsession with drama and sex. I'll admit it, I've been in one or two of them myself and can vividly recall all the tortorous mixed feelings of seduction, intoxication and powelessness.

Hell, take Rihanna and Eminem's new video "Love the Way You Lie" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U) for instance. It stars two insanely beautiful people (Megan Fox and Dominic Monaghan) where one minute they're beating the crap out of each other and the next going at it like two dogs in heat. Seriously? We're now so desensitized to these couplings we're unapologetically glamorizing domestic violence in #1 rated music videos?

Sorry, I digress...

I personally believe these options are not mutually exclusive and that it is possible to have a steady, peaceful, healthy relationship with a wonderful sex life. It's all about two self respecting individuals coming together and embracing happiness, trust, stability and compromise. I'll say it again, it's pretty simple, happiness is a choice!

Question of the Day: Who do you think lies more about their age, men or women?

2010-08-05T10:52:00.000-07:00

I really have no idea on this one. Totally stumped. Most men I've dated that didn't want to divulge their age, just either wouldn't tell me or would say, "I'm in my late 40's" (ie. "I'm in my mid-50's.") Honestly, when people are wishy washy and dance around the "age" topic, to me it just shows they're trying to hide how old they really are. And then, in fact, I'll probably assume they're actually older than their age.

I personally have never lied about my age. I'm 40 and proud dammit! But sometimes I do wonder if, as the clock ticks, I'll change my overt ways? Do more people lie as they get older? Or are the guilty fibbers those that are on the cusp of a milestone (ie. 29) and fighting to salvage their youth? I wonder with the ever-increasing popularity of plastic surgery and injection procedures, are more people prone to knocking off a few years on their drivers licenses as a result? These days, you really have to wonder!

Question of the Day: Do you feel your dates usually push for sex too soon after meeting?

2010-08-04T08:54:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly, I tend to hear this complaint just as often from men as from women! Wellllllllll...okay, but some men are caring gentlemen out there that do gripe about this scenario! I guess you reach a certain age when you're past trying to go out and just "hook up" and you want to really get to know a person before becoming intimate. But let's face it, there are as many opinions and rules of thumb on this topic as there are sex positions!

I'm personally not a big believer in starting out a relationship in a sexual manner, because I think it really does get in the way of truly getting to know a person. It shifts the relationship to that of a sexual one and at that point the sex becomes the focus. If the relationship lasts long enough, you can get to the point where there is a balance between your sexual relationship and time spent together outside of the bedroom. However, you increase your odds of it becoming a lasting relationship when you take some time to learn about each other before becoming physical.

I certainly have had my share of dates where I end up feeling like a defensive back pushing the dude off of me so that I can come up for air and, uh, protect my end zone! I'll never forget the time when I was on a second date with a guy who literally pouted and got angry with me when I wouldn't relent to his advances. I was shocked and asked, "What is this? High school?" Later he called me admitting he felt foolish and came to his senses once his...er...senses adjusted. I reminded him that he wouldn't want for me to have sex with him out of obligation and that intimacy is so much better and more fulfilling when both parties are wanting it.

I have to say, that was a pivotal moment for not only him, but for myself. I realized that having sex under pressure has never led anywhere good in my past and that if someone isn't going to tolerate me being true to myself, then they don't really care about me as a person or getting to know me better. And that's a deal breaker!

Question of the Day: What is the biggest relationship challenge you've faced? How did you get through it?

2010-08-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

Oh boy, if I had a dollar for every relationship challenge I've heard, I'd be a RICH woman. Personally, the biggest obstacle I faced was in my marriage, but to protect his privacy, I won't divulge the details. Obviously, we handled it by divorcing, as sometimes relationship upheavals just can't be worked out by staying together. Sometimes letting go and moving on is the only option. Ideal no, but necessary in some situations, yes.

I'm always impressed by couples who find a way to change together and allow their relationships to morph into new identities as different circumstances arise. Call me naive, but I still believe in everlasting love and the theory that no problem is too big that it cannot be solved with love! I know, I know...just call me Pollyanna!

Question of the Day: Tonight's the NIGHT! Do you think "Bachelorette" Ali should pick Chris or Roberto?

2010-08-02T10:10:00.000-07:00

So will it be Roberto, the hard-bodied insurance agent from Charleston, South Carolina, or sexy and sensitive Massachusetts landscaper Chris L? Oh decisions, decisions! Life's rough for the beautiful San Fransisco based star of this season's "The Bachelorette" Ali Fedotowski. Either way, she really can't go wrong as these guys are the real deal who have proven their loyalty, stamina and love for Ali throughout this controversial show.

Even though Roberto is undeniably hunk-o-licious (I mean, c'mon! Did you see him in his baseball uniform on his hometown date? SLURRP!) and attentive as the day is long, I can't help but have a preference for Chris L. to become Mr. Fedotowski. He's not only dreamy with his soft spoken voice and all-American good looks, but he's calm, sweet, and completely head-over-heels in love with Ali. On his hometown date with her, we got to see how his father doted on and adored Chris's late mother, and that's a really great sign for any woman!

Anyhoo, the rumor mill has it that Ali opts to pick neither candidate and remain single. If that ends up being the case, I know a certain matchmaker who would love the opportunity to have Ali's lovelorn leftovers in her hunky male database. Shoot, she might even have to try 'em on for size herself!

Question of the Day: Have you or would you ever date someone who still lived at home with their parent's?

2010-07-31T11:55:00.000-07:00

I recently met with a potential client a couple weeks ago who is finding it difficult to find a mate because of his living circumstances. He's a great guy who owns his own business and wants more than anything to find his soul mate and start a family. However, due to his ailing father, he's had to move back in with his parents to help his mother take care of him. As a result, he claims his dating life has suffered tremendously as most women won't even consider going out with a guy who doesn't own his own place.

It's easy to say that these women are shallow, but putting myself in the situation, I'd have to say I probably wouldn't date someone seriously who lived at home with their parent's either. At my age and with two small children, it'd be nice to have another place as a retreat for the two of us, and this would be next to impossible with someone who shared a home with family members. I don't think it's a character flaw on anyone who is in this circumstance, per se, but personally for me and my accommodations, it just most likely wouldn't work.

Question of the Day: What's the quickest amount of time that transpired between when you met someone and then went on a date with them?

2010-07-30T13:29:00.000-07:00

I hear crazy stories all the time about people meeting dates randomly and then spontaneously going off on a date with them. A client of mine actually met a woman stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic and when she was explaining to him why there was a jam, he realized she was cute and asked her out the following night.

This past winter on a blustery cold Saturday morning, my girlfriend called me and told me her crazy story from the previous night. She said she was chatting on a dating site with a guy late at night. He asked her out for the next evening but she had to decline as she was busy with other plans. She then said, "What are you doing now?" Next thing you know, she's throwing on wrinkled jeans, tossing her hair up in a pony-tail and rushing out the door sans make-up to go meet this Internet dating stranger. In a matter of 15 minutes they're slamming back beers at the local pub which invariably leads to a major make-out session in his car in the parking lot for another hour or so!

Another client recently told me he flirted with a bartender and asked her if she'd be interested in going to St. Croix with him that weekend. She responded with, "I get off work in an hour. Let's go to dinner so I can learn more about you." They had dinner and the next morning they were on a flight to St. Croix for the weekend. Dang!! Why doesn't this stuff happen to me??

Question of the Day: If you could be with anyone in the world who would it be? Why?

2010-07-29T07:59:00.000-07:00

My vote's easy, Brad Pitt. Every movie I've ever watched him in, I've made a solemn vow that this time I won't fall for him by the end of it. And alas, every time I fail...miserably! I mean, hello??? Legends of the Fall? C'mon, the producer knew casting him as Tristan Ludlow would lure women by the droves to see a shirtless, muscle ripped Brad Pitt riding horseback across the Rocky Mountains of Montana, as his long hair flowed effortlessly in the wind. What was the movie about anyway?

Aside from his beauty, he also seems like a good person as well. He cares about poverty stricken countries and giving back where he can. Okay, minus all the kids (Oh...and uhh...yeah, that pesky wife of his, what's-her-name) I'd walk across hot coals and sleep on razor blades to be with him! Can anyone blame me?

Question of the Day: What's a funny term you've heard used for "sex?"

2010-07-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

I was driving this morning and almost spit out my Wawa coffee, when I heard a woman on the radio explain to the DJ why she and her boyfriend use the term "making cookies" in lieu of "having sex." She said that one time she and her boyfriend were home alone and had sex in various places around the house throughout the day. Afterward, they realized her mom was coming home soon and the house reeked of sex. They decided to mask the smell by making a batch of chocolate chip cookies! From then on, whenever they wanted to get gigi wit' it, they got a chuckle out of saying, "Let's go make some cookies!"

"She liked to do the Wild Thing!"

Question of the Day: Do you REALLY know what you want in a partner?

2010-07-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

I meet all types of single people within the community. Attractive, educated, older, clumsy, sophisticated, energetic, bitter, eager, spiritual, shallow...you name it, and I’ve met ‘em! A common notable theme amongst my clients, members of my database, friends and just the general tri-state single population, is that most people who want to find love, have no idea what it is they truly want in a partner!

Sure, most people claim to know what they’re looking for as they prattle off the prototypical check-list, “He needs to be good looking, successful, tall and funny. I prefer a guy who’s been married before and knows what that’s like. He needs to be established and career minded. He also must love kids; he either has his own or he’s accepting of mine. He needs to be emotionally available and to want a serious relationship that will possibly lead to marriage.”

Men; I can quote them verbatim, “First thing’s first, she’s GOT to be attractive. I mean, c’mon I have to be physically attracted to someone. And she needs to be fit because it’s important to me that she take good care of herself and cares about her physical fitness. She should be relatively intelligent; I have to be able to have a decent conversation with her for God’s sakes! Other than that, I just want someone who has no baggage, who wants to share their life with me and who doesn’t just want someone for their money. I’m a pretty simple guy!”

Yes, we can all do the characteristic check-list exercise denoting what looks good on paper. But the one thing many people are missing is the next step, visualization. What does that loving, monogamous, fulfilling relationship look like on a day to day basis? Do you have similar interests? Do you see one another every day, every other day, only on the weekends? Are you two social together or do you see friends separately? Are you affectionate with one another? Do you have similar careers or completely different vocations?

Further, once you can envision what your romantic relationship looks like, it’s then important to ask yourself if you have the skills to create and maintain that relationship. Are you emotionally ready and/or available for someone with needs’ of their own? Is there room in your life for such a partner? Are you currently dating for just social interaction or are you going on dates to find a long term relationship?

Take, for example, one of my clients whom I introduced to a gentleman she was seeing for a couple months. The relationship was coasting along nicely with romantic dinners, evening phone calls, movies on Sunday afternoons and mid-day lunches. One night as he was driving her home from their dinner date, he turned to her and asked, “So, what’s going on with us? Where do you see our relationship going?”

Like a deer caught in the headlights, she was mortified when she came up short for an answer and found herself saying, “I don’t know.” He told her that he really liked her, enjoyed spending time with her and wanted to take things to the next level by being exclusive with one another. Ignoring her intuitive feelings that told her differently, she acquiesced to being exclusive with him, in fear that perhaps he was the only guy that would ever come around. Ultimately the relationship ended when it became obvious to the both of them that their feelings for one another weren’t mutual. My client inevitably realized the importance of self awareness and taking the time to learn what she was really looking for in a partner.

If you are out there, randomly dating and have yet to explicitly define what it is you want in a relationship, it’s like going to a 31-flavors Baskin & Robbins store and telling the server to pick the ice cream flavor out for you. This person has no idea who you are, what your favorite flavor is, if you prefer ice cream with or without nuts, if you’re allergic to any ingredients, if you’re traumatized from a bad childhood episode with spumoni ice cream, etc.

Even though I’m not a big proponent of online dating, a terrific exercise to do is to go to one of the many dating sites on the Internet, print out a profile form and fill it out in great detail. This not only gives you some insight as to what you’re looking for, but helps to create a dating roadmap, if you will. You will be better able to determine some of your past relationship choices, things you would like to change in your current dating patterns, and where you would ultimately like to end up.

After suggesting this exercise to my client, she completed a profile form on Match.com and was astounded to realize that due to her recent divorce, she wasn’t even ready for a serious, monogamous relationship just yet. It finally occurred to her, that she hadn’t fully grieved the end of her 17 year marriage and that she had some healing of her own to do before she could expect anyone else to meet her needs. She knew she needed to make a choice: either to continue dating casually while remaining open and honest with her dates or take a dating hiatus while focusing on herself and her own personal goals.

While my client opted to take a small break from dating, it wasn’t long before she became more aware of what she was looking for and got back on the dating horse with a clearer vision. As I remind many of my perplexed clients, “You are receiving confusing results in your love life, because you are confused as to what you really want.” So go for it, you deserve it! Order up that overloaded, triple scoop, ice cream fudge sundae in a mate! It may not be made 100% to perfection, but it will be the best dang sundae you ever tasted because you envisioned it and asked for it! And who cares that you gained a couple extra pounds, you were meaning to throw out those tired old skinny jeans anyways!

Question of the Day: Have you ever been with someone but jealous of another couple's relationship?

2010-07-26T09:39:00.000-07:00

Don't you find that when you're out with a bunch of couples, there's always the one couple that just don't see eye-to-eye? Or they don't seem to connect like a romantic duo? Or they bicker and argue in front of everyone causing nervous laughter amongst the gang? And then lo and behold, usually one or both partners starts having private conversations with the other couples saying that they wished their partner were more like so and so, or admitted to wanting a similar connection as another couple...

Maybe it's just human nature to always compare, but I know that I have been on both sides of the equation. I've dated (and been married to) men that I felt unsatisfied with and envied other couples, and I've had miserable friends confide in me that they wished their mate treated me as well as mine did. My personal experience has led me to the conclusion that if you're with someone and wanting something else and you're comparing what others have, your instincts are trying to tell you something. Maybe you're no longer in love, or your needs aren't being met. Perhaps you're unsatisfied or feeling emotionally neglected? Or simply, perhaps you're just choosing to not be happy and content?

Either way, if you're finding you're comparing your romantic relationship to others, perhaps the time has come to make some changes within yourself or in your relationship. With that, I'll close with this amazing quote by Gerald Jampolsky - "Love is the total absence of fear. Love asks no questions. Its natural state is one of extension and expansion, not comparison and measurement."

Question of the Day: Would you rather go on a first date in extreme heat or severe cold weather?

2010-07-25T13:56:00.000-07:00

I love the heat, but if said first date was with someone I was totally into, I'd have to probably pick the cold weather. Not only would a hottie on my arm help to warm me up both inside and out, it'd give me something to offset the misery of the winter blues. And the winter season needs all the help it can get to score points in my book!

Question of the Day: What is the worst conversation starter you've overheard or used yourself?

2010-07-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

I was in line at the Wawa the other day when I heard the guy behind me make a comment about the silly bands I was wearing on my wrist. What was endearing at first ("Oh, I see you have on silly bands just like the kids are wearing these days.") soon became annoying ("Yah, now all the adults are going around wearing them.") which inevitably led to infuriating ("Yah...uh...and...umm...I'm sure all the kids in the neighborhood make fun of you, huh? They probably tell you you're too old to wear them, huh?"). What? Was this clown for real? I mean, overzealousness has gotten the better of most of us, but this guy just didn't know when to stop.

I feel that a conversation starter can never fail if it begins with a compliment or a self-deprecating and charming remark. And fellas never, I mean never, refer to a woman's age or weight when initiating a conversation as it will more likely than not, always end poorly! On the flip side, ladies, you're probably better off not referencing a guy's height or bald spot when you start up a convo! Which brings me to my next question: whatever happened to, "Hi. Are you single? Would you like to grab a drink sometime?"

Let's face it, both men and women like confidence in the opposite sex, so when nerves get the better of you, you're better off leading with the truth; why you're really striking up a conversation. Really, what have you got to lose? Certainly not a foot imbedded in your mouth!

Question of the Day: You're head over heels in love with someone; however, they want to have a baby and you don't/can't. What do you do?

2010-07-21T07:18:00.000-07:00

I recently received a call from a new client who was telling me about his past dating experiences. After he got divorced he fell in love with a beautiful, smart and engaging woman with whom he could see spending the rest of his life. They had a lovely and intense romantic relationship for many months. He said the problems began when she admitted to him that as a motherless woman, she wanted to have a baby sometime in the near future.

Only issue was, he had had a vasectomy after his last child was born, so this would be an impossible feat for the two of them. After weeks and weeks of her pleading to have his vasectomy reversed and him refusing, they both realized it was probably best they go their separate ways so that she could find someone who could fulfill her wishes.

Today with more women in the workforce, having high pressure careers and holding off on having a family, I seem to hear stories like this more often than not. On the flip side, I also hear from older divorced single women who date younger men that want to have babies, and they don't. I guess my feeling is, if something is meant to be in your life, it will be and any problem or concern won't be too big to overcome. I wouldn't be surprised if both my client and his former flame look back and realize, it was definitely for the best they split up. Like my girlfriend always says, "Sometimes the universe does for us, what we can't do for ourselves."