What I Was REALLY Thinking...

Wanna know what I was really thinking as I was taping this show with Dr. Ed Buch and his partner Marla Bell, RN from Body Chic in Somerville, NJ as they discussed the latest procedure for women called 'The G-Shot'? Well, once I got passed the embarassment factor and was able to concentrate on their explanation of the G-Shot and what it does physically for women, I began thinking, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, you inject some collagen-type fluid into a woman's...er...nether region and she's suddenly supposed to feel more aroused, enjoy sex and orgasms more and have...ummm...closer quarters down below. Surrrre...all from one shot of God-knows-what into your you-know-where!?" I mean, in theory it sounds like a good concept and it only makes sense that when you inject a product into the walls of a woman's...uhhh...bat cave??...Cockpit??...Garage??...[add your vagina euphemism here]...it will be tighter and help to inspire arousal. But, alas I'll admit, I'm still a Doubting Thomas. But hell, I would love nothing more than to have my doubts squashed and have a woman come (no pun intended...I don't think...) forward and tell me she had the G-Shot procedure and it's rockin' her world more than she ever dreamed possible. So, any takers??? Anyone willing to be my guinea pig, have the procedure done and report back with their results? Anyone? Bueller? Beuller? Well, a girl can only ask... Anyhoo, thanks for tuning into my show. And to catch all my latest and greatest episodes of 'The Kari Adams Show,' local Princeton residents can check their Comcast cable guide for listings or, simply visit my Youtube page at www.youtube.com/princetonelite. Ciao for now!

This past weekend, I officially got divorced and this is your personal invitation (read WAKE-UP CALL!!) to do so as well! I know what many of you are thinking, that you thought I got divorced several years ago and have been single ever since. Well, this time around I'm proud to say, I just got divorced...again! I know, I know, no need to say it...because I can just hear you now, "But Kari I already AM officially divorced," or, "I can't get divorced if I've never been married!" Nope, doesn't need mentioning because I'm talking about something bigger...and MUCH better. And something we all can permanently estrange ourselves from. Did you know there is actually such a thing as a 'good divorce'? Yup, there is because if you're anything like me, you've housed a nagging, annoying and at times abusive guest in that mind of yours' that has taken up valuable real estate, rent free I might add, for far too long! Not only has this wretched, evil voice who screams at you that you're a big-fat-good-for-nothing-zero-who-will-never-find-love stood in your way and caused you to self-doubt, this bastard has actually fed you a bunch of lies over and over again that you could have sworn was the truth. And that just sucks! No...I say NO MORE. No more allowing this faux confidante to allude you and make you think you are anything less than amazing, valuable, lovable, and the only rockin' being on the planet that makes you oh-so-fabulous you. If you've listened to nothing else I've ever spouted before, hear me now: It is time, today is the day, there is no other time than right here, right NOW - to get divorced from your STORY. He is not serving you. Not only is he lying to you and holding you back, he's bringing you more of what you do not want. And just like with myself, I'm drawing a hard line in the sand with you. Should you decide to take the plunge, sign on the dotted line and divorce your story too, that means D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D; as in, do not go back for nostalgic, long converstations to reminisce of days of yore or late night booty calls. NOPE...you are divorced which means, no going back. Period. This is the best break up I've ever experienced and I hope that you, too, will put a big ol' "The end" at the back of your final chapter as well. Afterall, how can you look forward to your abundant, joyous future if you keep reading past chapters? Good riddance to bad rubish! Happy signing my soon-to-be fellow divorcees!

Old Dogs Can Spring Clean Too!

Namaste!

This morning as I was picking up my bedroom and realizing how messy it had become, I caught myself embracing an old familliar, nasty negative thought pattern that went something like this, "Kari, you're always going to be messy. You have always been this way and at this point in your life, you always will be! You can't teach an old dog new tricks so just give up already!"

Oh no no no you don't Negative Nancy!! This time I put the Kabosh on this stream of thinking before it completely spiraled out of control and got the better of me as I gently reminded myself these were just old thoughts and stories that no longer needed my investment. The truth is, it is NEVER too late for any of us to change and to improve our current circumstances. As the famous Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu once said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

It is spring; a new season and a time for blossoming and opening up to all of the infinite possiblities life has to offer us. I decided last month that I was going to go beyond choosing better thoughts, meditating and practicing yoga, by embracing the help of an energy healer in aligning my energy meridians and chakras. Yeah, yeah, I know, sounds all treehugger-Koombya-ish but I have to tell you, the results were amazing and proved to me how incredibly powerful our minds' are in effecting our bodies rhythms and functions.

We literally have the power to change anything we want, so make a vow to yourself this spring that you are going to let go of old stories that are holding you back and making you suffer needlessly. Take time this new season to go within and do a little spring clean-up on thoughts that make you feel bad because not only are they not serving you, at some point they will manifest somewhere in your body and you definitely don't want that!

Remember this, you have a purpose here on this beautiful planet and there is nobody else here that can do your job! We need you to be you - so be the best, most phenomenal version of yourself that you can be so that everyone can benefit from all of the wonders that make you exactly who you are! And whenever those old voices start up in their efforts to keep you addicted to them, and they will, tell them, "Thank you for sharing, but I no longer choose to believe you."

Spring has sprung, clocks are ahead and now is your time, as well, to move forward into the unknown and for you to unveil all of the incredible moments and opportunities that await you. Part of the fun is in the unknowing and being witness to the incredible power we have to create the world as we want it!

What does this letter have to do with dating, relationships and how to meet the love of your life, you ask? What doesn't it have to do with it?

Peace out loved ones!

The Key is Not Outside!

I picked up a really good book the other day by one of my favorite author's Jack Canfield. In it he shares a sobering story:


There was a man who is out walking one night and comes upon another man down on his knees looking for something under a streetlamp. The passerby inquires asto what the other man is looking for. He answers the he is looking for his lost key. The passerby offers to help and gets down on his knees and helps him search for the key. After an hour of fruitless searching, he says, "We've looked everywhere for it and we haven't found it. Are you sure that you lost it here?"


The other man replies, "No, I lost it in my house, but there is more light out here under the streetlamp."


This hit me like a ton of bricks and made me realize that when life circumstances aren't going my way or I'm not receiving the results I want, its time to take a good look in the mirror and find out what it is I'm doing that is causing undesirable results. Afterall, the answers aren't outside of myself, they only lie within.


If you aren't in a relationship with the love of your life, is it possible there is something you are doing that is the cause of this outcome? Are you working too much and not allowing space in your life for a mate? Is your negative attitude about dating hindering you and holding you back from meeting someone new? Are you making excuses about not getting out more and meeting new people? Are you being really truthful with yourself when you say you want a serious relationship when in actuality, you really don't?


It's so easy to point the finger at someone else and say that its their fault life is the way it is for us, but where does that action really get us? Blame and excuses just beget more blame and excuses. I'm sure we can all take an honest look at some of our past relationships and see how it is that our behavior drew that person into our lives', for better or for worse. There was most likely an attitude or thought pattern we had that attracted that person to us and yet, when the relationship didn't work out and we were hurt as a result, we blamed the other person. When in actuality, we were (and are) the ones 100% responsible for the current circumstances of our lives' whether we wanted them or not.


So, with Jack's little anecdote in mind, if your dating life needs some resurrecting, its time to get inside and do a little Spring cleaning! Clear up the clutter of those old thoughts that are no longer serving you, dust off the dancing shoes, and clean up the negative attitude that's keeping Mr./Ms. Right at bay!


Sending you all spring wishes, sunshine kisses and taking absolutely no responsibility for your thoughts on this,

Kari

After This Blog...I'm Doomed!

I can't believe as a matchmaker I'm about to totally sell out, but I have to get this off my chest. After interviewing two women on my show who met their current husband's online, I have to tell you, they didn't seem any happier now that they found their life partner's than most single people I know.

In fact, when I asked author Jane Coloccia who wrote the riveting, "Confessions of an Online Dating Addict" if she had any regrets during her eight year span of online dating, she said, "I wish I had appreciated being single more." She went on to say that that's not to say she would give up her husband or ever want to go back to being single, but she admitted there are some great things about being unattached that us single folks tend to overlook. "I now have to sleep next to someone who snores every night. You know, it's things like a peaceful night's sleep that you don't appreciate until you don't get them anymore!"

I tell people this all the time; there are plusses and minuses to both sides of the equation, being attached versus single, and the best way to get what you are wanting is to be grateful for what you have. Appreciate that you can leave a mess in the sink before going to bed and no one is there to nag you to clean it up. Be happy that you can completely hog up all the the bathroom space with your plethora of toiletries, make-up, perfumes and gadgets, with no one to chastise you or make you feel like the most self-absorbed person on the face of the planet. Shout out from the rooftops, "Woo hoo! There's a 3 part, 2 hour long each, documentary called "The Revelation of the Great Pyramids" and I'm going to drink beer, belch out loud and watch each and every one of them with no apologies!"

Speaking of apologies...be thrilled you aren't constantly in the proverbial doghouse having to beg your mate to forgive you for accidentally leaving the toilet seat up or for haphazardly throwing your sweaty gym clothes along the bedroom floor. Or for not paying attention to them when they told you about how their boss yelled at them in front of the whole marketing team today as you were fastidiously trying to get an important email sent.

What the Sam Hell am I doing? I'm supposed to be theorizing on all of the fabulously amazing reasons why you should be coupled up with someone and why hiring me to find them would be the best money you ever spent? Well, I suppose the jig is up...while I might be a pretty awesome matchmaker, apparently I suck as a businesswoman.

Are You a Jumper or An Abandoner?

I just had a conversation this afternoon with a girlfriend of mine about being on the precipice of action and what makes us decide to either jump in full steam ahead or abandon ship. She asked me, "So, what was it that made you take the leap and start your own business?" I said plain and simple, "Fear!"


Now let me explain, it wasn't "bad" fear, like "If I don't do this my life will crumble and I'll be a couch potato loser the rest of my life," but more of an excited, throw caution to the wind fear. Don't get me wrong, it was a fear that definitely held me in its grips before I acted that questioned and taunted me with thoughts like, "Do you really think you can do this, Kari?" and "Oh puhleeeeeze girlfriend, who the Sam Hell do you think you are to start a company and tell people what to do?" However, I knew it was a "healthy" fear because when I talked back to it, it morphed into an excited energy and lifted my spirits every time I thought about being the conduit to bringing people together in love. I mean c'mon, total awesomeness right? I swear to God, I don't know why everybody isn't in my line of work?


Looking back I realize I could have stayed stuck in the fear and not acted on my desire, but because it felt good to envision my business and seeing myself as an entrepreneur, I knew that I had to jump in with both feet. In fact, right before I hit the "create" button on my first website, as if out of the blue I heard someone whisper the old saying to me, "Feel the fear and do it anyway!" It was then I realized, I was the only commander of my ship and only I held the power to create my future. And if I didn't believe in myself, ain't nobody else was going to either.


If you've held onto my contact information for awhile now and felt trepidation about calling me to discuss my services for matchmaking, I would ask you to question yourself about what it is you're truly fearful of? Happiness? Possibilities? Being loved? Sometimes I think we're more afraid of the ways in which our lives could change for the better versus the worse!


There is a certain spirit you must have if you want to live a massively awesome life.

You have to jump in regardless of "what ifs!"

You have to poo poo your fears, doubts and worries (and everyone else's while you're at it).

You have to stop being precious about your reasons why not and start envisioning all the glorious possibilities of the imagine ifs!

And you have to fricken go for it!

Here's to jumping in with both feet!

"By the way, if we're going to date, you should probably know..."

I was taping my show today, "The Kari Adams Show" (Princeton TV30) and got into a sobering discussion with my producer as I was addressing questions for the "Ask Kari" segment of my show. (This is the special episode that will air from time to time where I field dating and relationship questions submitted by single folks like you. So be sure to email me any questions you may have).


As I was addressing one of the questions about honesty when it comes to dating, he immediately stopped recording and said, "I have to tell you, this has happened to me twice now where I'm literally pulling up to my dates' house to drop them off after dinner and they say to me, "By the way, you should probably know, I'm still separated and not officially divorced yet. Don't you think this is something that should be brought up before our date?"


My answer, "Abso-freakin-lutely!" We owe it to the people we date to be open and honest about fundamental issues like these before agreeing to go out with them. It's only fair people! If you think you will get your date to fall head over heels in love with you before divulging something important like a significant change in your appearance since the photo they saw of you, your age, your current marital status or the 53 cats that you live with, think again!


Okay...for giggles and grins, let's just say they did happen to fall for you before knowing this information, it won't soon be long before that house of cards comes crashing down, ultimately casting a huge shadow of doubt on your integrity, principles and honesty that your lover would be hardpressed to overlook.


Isn't it easier just to tell the truth from the get-go? Put the ball in their court and if they decide they would like to continue dating you based on what you disclosed, then you can rest easy knowing you provided them with information that they needed to know and the playing field has been evened.


We all detest false advertising and feeling as though we were douped. Respect your dates, as well as yourself, enough to be on the up and up about who you are and the circumstances in which you find yourself. Because, if you haven't already found this out, dating karma is a bitch!