Friday, March 30, 2012
I picked up a really good book the other day by one of my favorite author's Jack Canfield. In it he shares a sobering story:
There was a man who is out walking one night and comes upon another man down on his knees looking for something under a streetlamp. The passerby inquires asto what the other man is looking for. He answers the he is looking for his lost key. The passerby offers to help and gets down on his knees and helps him search for the key. After an hour of fruitless searching, he says, "We've looked everywhere for it and we haven't found it. Are you sure that you lost it here?"
The other man replies, "No, I lost it in my house, but there is more light out here under the streetlamp."
This hit me like a ton of bricks and made me realize that when life circumstances aren't going my way or I'm not receiving the results I want, its time to take a good look in the mirror and find out what it is I'm doing that is causing undesirable results. Afterall, the answers aren't outside of myself, they only lie within.
If you aren't in a relationship with the love of your life, is it possible there is something you are doing that is the cause of this outcome? Are you working too much and not allowing space in your life for a mate? Is your negative attitude about dating hindering you and holding you back from meeting someone new? Are you making excuses about not getting out more and meeting new people? Are you being really truthful with yourself when you say you want a serious relationship when in actuality, you really don't?
It's so easy to point the finger at someone else and say that its their fault life is the way it is for us, but where does that action really get us? Blame and excuses just beget more blame and excuses. I'm sure we can all take an honest look at some of our past relationships and see how it is that our behavior drew that person into our lives', for better or for worse. There was most likely an attitude or thought pattern we had that attracted that person to us and yet, when the relationship didn't work out and we were hurt as a result, we blamed the other person. When in actuality, we were (and are) the ones 100% responsible for the current circumstances of our lives' whether we wanted them or not.
So, with Jack's little anecdote in mind, if your dating life needs some resurrecting, its time to get inside and do a little Spring cleaning! Clear up the clutter of those old thoughts that are no longer serving you, dust off the dancing shoes, and clean up the negative attitude that's keeping Mr./Ms. Right at bay!
Sending you all spring wishes, sunshine kisses and taking absolutely no responsibility for your thoughts on this,
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I can't believe as a matchmaker I'm about to totally sell out, but I have to get this off my chest. After interviewing two women on my show who met their current husband's online, I have to tell you, they didn't seem any happier now that they found their life partner's than most single people I know.
In fact, when I asked author Jane Coloccia who wrote the riveting, "Confessions of an Online Dating Addict" if she had any regrets during her eight year span of online dating, she said, "I wish I had appreciated being single more." She went on to say that that's not to say she would give up her husband or ever want to go back to being single, but she admitted there are some great things about being unattached that us single folks tend to overlook. "I now have to sleep next to someone who snores every night. You know, it's things like a peaceful night's sleep that you don't appreciate until you don't get them anymore!"
I tell people this all the time; there are plusses and minuses to both sides of the equation, being attached versus single, and the best way to get what you are wanting is to be grateful for what you have. Appreciate that you can leave a mess in the sink before going to bed and no one is there to nag you to clean it up. Be happy that you can completely hog up all the the bathroom space with your plethora of toiletries, make-up, perfumes and gadgets, with no one to chastise you or make you feel like the most self-absorbed person on the face of the planet. Shout out from the rooftops, "Woo hoo! There's a 3 part, 2 hour long each, documentary called "The Revelation of the Great Pyramids" and I'm going to drink beer, belch out loud and watch each and every one of them with no apologies!"
Speaking of apologies...be thrilled you aren't constantly in the proverbial doghouse having to beg your mate to forgive you for accidentally leaving the toilet seat up or for haphazardly throwing your sweaty gym clothes along the bedroom floor. Or for not paying attention to them when they told you about how their boss yelled at them in front of the whole marketing team today as you were fastidiously trying to get an important email sent.
What the Sam Hell am I doing? I'm supposed to be theorizing on all of the fabulously amazing reasons why you should be coupled up with someone and why hiring me to find them would be the best money you ever spent? Well, I suppose the jig is up...while I might be a pretty awesome matchmaker, apparently I suck as a businesswoman.