Monday, May 31, 2010

Question of the Day: What do you do with the "fun" tapes you made with your mate that you've broken up with?

When talking with a good friend of mine yesterday who told me about his experience with this particular situation, I just knew it would make for excellent Q of D fodder. He and his wife had made some naughty tapes together while on their honeymoon and placed them in a hidden place once they got back home. Apparently when things got crazy between the two of them during their separation, he went to go look for the tapes to discard them only to find they were no longer there. He still wonders what ever happened to them!

So, it really got me wondering; what do most people who are going through a breakup decide to do with their fun videos? Do some couples choose one person to keep them? Do they get divvied up? Do most people destroy them? I wouldn't be surprised if some scorned lovers use them as blackmail to retaliate? Gosh, when you consider this side of the equation, it's enough to really make you pause before pressing "record", no?

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Question of the Day: When does "sexting" cross the line?

So you're out one night, drinking with your pals and you meet a great guy! By the end of the evening, you exchange numbers and agree to meet up soon. The next day you hear the familiar "ding" on your phone and your heart skips a beat when you look at it and realize it's your new stud muffin checkin' in to see what's up. The easy, frivolous bantering begins and the next thing you know, he's growing more and more "amorous" in his replies. You're digging it, kind of, but the element of suggestion is making you contemplate where, exactly, this is going.

Soon enough he's asking you what you're wearing and if you've ever experimented with "toys." I think we all know where this is going...

So my question is, when is "sexting" too soon in a new relationship? Are you offended when the line gets crossed from suggestive to explicit? Or do you enjoy "sexting" as a safe alternative to hooking up too soon?

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Question of the Day: The love of your life broke off your engagement, but just asked for your hand again. What do you say?

I just watched the trailer for "Sex and the City 2" and it got me wondering how many "Big and Carrie" stories are out there? If someone calls off an engagement but asks you again later to marry you, is it a sign that the marriage is doomed? I guess it really all boils down to the reason behind the bail-out and the main motivating factor. Nerves, for example, can wreak havoc on one's judgment and be a cause for impulsive behavior. Cold feet is a reason I would likely consider a second engagement; however, I can't imagine entertaining the thought if it involved infidelity, loss of love or my partner's desire to choose his career or social life over our relationship. But that's just me. I'm certain there are tons of stories out there of people forgiving partner's for myriad reasons and taking the "I do" plunge after a broken engagement. I'm curious to hear the differing scenarios and how they, if at all, effected the marriages.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Question of the Day: "I met a woman online that I like, but she's definitely not "the one" . She has access to Stanley Cup playoffs. Do I try to go?"

Obviously this was a suggested Question of the Day today and the full version reads:

"I just met a woman from an online dating service, she is very nice but I know she is not "the one", BUT she has access to Flyers Stanley Cup playoff tickets. Do I date her to go to the games and then tell her I've tried but just not into her? Or do I tell her now and skip the games ?"

When I originally answered this gentleman, I misread the question and assumed she had actually asked him to playoffs. But after re-reading it, I realized he's basically saying she has the ability to take him to the games if she's so inclined. Basically, he's wondering if it's ethical to date her for now just so that he can get himself to the Flyers playoff games and then dump her afterward. This is obviously a personal decision he finds himself faced with, but I know for myself, I would feel badly knowing I was misleading this person and using them to get to myself into great seats at a coveted event. I don't really care how fabulous a game it is, sitting through it knowing I got myself there under duplicitous motives would take away any bit of excitement involved.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Question of the Day: What random item do you own from an ex that you just can't seem to part with?

Just this morning I was trying to clear out some unnecessary junk from my unorganized, unsightly, overfilled and disturbingly cluttered closet when I came across the cute pink stuffed hippo given to me from my post-separation rebound beau. (Yes, he was 11 years my junior but that's an entirely different entry!) I chucked it across the room into the discard pile condemning myself with, "What the hell do I need this for" only to scurry back to it with profuse apologies for even remotely considering abandoning it.

What IS it about that damn thing that I just can't seem to part with? The memories of me running after the dude down a desolate Atlantic City alley at 2:00 in the morning sobbing my eyes out while pleading with him not to leave me? Maybe it was because the day he gave it to me it was to apologize for drunk texting me the night before about how lucky my ex was to be divorcing me? Nah, I know! Clearly it's because little pinky has a tear in it's left ear that has me reminiscing about the time he blew me off and I was so upset I gave it to my Bichon Frise to use as a chew toy!

Anywho...whatever the reason, it's just one of those things, I suppose, will be around for awhile continually collecting dust and eating up premium space in my closet until I can bite the bullet and let it go. Speaking of which...oh dear God, please bring me the courage to dump his Nintendo 64 doohickey sometime this decade! (And sadly, I'm really not kidding!)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Question of the Day: Have you ever been on a first date and decided you couldn't see them again because they revealed something way too personal?

I admit it, this question was inspired from last night's season premiere of "The Bachelorette". If you happened to see it, OMG...WTF??? "Shooter?!" What the Sam-hell was he thinking in revealing to Ali where and how he developed his nickname? I literally wanted to reach through the TV screen and bitch slap him from here to Kingdom Come ( pun intended?) I mean REALLY??? People actually think implanting such information into a woo-ee's (I know, doncha just love my made-up words?) brain is going to transfer into, "Oh come hither my lovely enchantress. Methinks the lady doth protest too much!" I mean, c'mon??? And he was surprised to see himself get the boot?

Had I not seen the episode last night, I would have answered this question with a conservative, "No. While I've been on a date where the guy one time shared too much personal information too soon, I'm always willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they're going through a rough time or just got out of a serious relationship, but it's worth it to give someone a second chance." However, had "Shooter" crossed my path and divulged to me what he shared with Ali, I don't think I would have laughed as coyly as she did and more likely than not, sent him packing on his way right then and there! Ugh!!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Question of the Day: You purchased an expensive, non-refunable vacation for you and your mate, but they just broke up with you. What do you do?

There really is no good answer to this question, but my advice would be to go alone anyways and spend some good quality time grieving the end of the relationship. While away, soothe yourself with good books and a journal and allow yourself to heal and to really feel your emotions. Good news is, if you breakdown in tears over your lobster bisque at the resort's restaurant and have to run out to blow your nose, nobody will know who you are!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Question of the Day: Would you skydive or bungee jump on a first date?

I'm thinking roughly 90% of the answers will be "Depends on how much I like him/her," although I could be proven wrong. Maybe people are more gutsy and adventurous than I give them credit to be. Me? Although I've toyed with the idea of doing both of these activities, I think I fall in my 90% predicted response rate. But then again, if I didn't like the guy much and I decided to go for it, maybe the exhilarating free fall rush would transfer over to a new found attraction to my date. Wow. With that theory, could you imagine what it would do for someone I already liked? Hmmmm.....

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Question of the Day: When on a date, what's the best way to eat ice cream?

Ever been on a first or second date and had the challenge of eating something kind of...shall we say... suggestive? It's quite a conundrum. I mean, as a woman facing the navigation of a two scoop ice cream cone to consume on a date with a practical stranger, can have all sorts of implications. And what's worse, what if you aren't sure you're likin' your date too much? How do you eat it then? Or let's say you really really like them and you've been trying with all your might to impress them; however, you're still in that cutesy, flirty coy stage where you're innocently sending signals and vibes that suggest, "Hey! I'm really diggin' you! But don't get the wrong idea. I'm not that kind of girl!" And then behold, enter chocolate covered banana stage left!!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Question of the Day: Where is the most random place you've met someone that you dated?

Well, you all know their sweets are good, but to me there's no better place for eye-candy shopping than at my local Wawa! While I've never dated anyone per se that I've perused at the uber-fab convenient store, it sure makes for fun coffee runs! ;-)

Friday, May 21, 2010

Question of the Day: Is it possible to seduce someone of the opposite sex with cooking skills? If so, how?

Although they weren't actually cooking in it, I don't think I've seen a more seductive movie scene as when Kim Bassinger was being fed by Mickey Rourke in the 80's flick "9 1/2 Weeks"! You know the part? Where she's half naked on the floor with a bandanna wrapped around her eyes so she can't see, while he spoons random concoctions from the innards of his refrigerator into her mouth! Whew...that was hot!

On that note, I do think that there is something seductive and sensual about a person cooking up a savory meal for their partner. And if you think about it, the culinary seduction can start long before the meal hour by enticing a partner with tempting descriptions of delicious foods throughout the day, in order to tantalize their senses. By the time they walk through the door in the evening, they'll be chomping at the bit to see what's simmering in the pot or sizzling on the stove and, chances are, things will be heatin' up in other areas as well!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Question of the Day: Is it a problem if your significant other is addicted to Facebook?

I was just having this conversation with someone in the salon yesterday while I was getting my hair done. A woman sitting next to me was complaining to her hair stylist that her boyfriend is addicted to Facebook and "literally always on it." I immediately butted into the conversation giving her my two cents on the subject and told her that if she felt it was a problem, then it's a problem and to not ignore her instincts that are telling her so. She got a bit defensive and rebutted with, "Well, I know he's not doing anything wrong on there. He's just always online!"

This got me thinking and contemplating on how, with our new modern technologies like texting, Facebook, IM'ing, etc, has changed the dynamics of romantic relationships. Where do we now draw the line of appropriate versus inappropriate behavior when it comes to technological social interaction? I like Dr. Phil's theory that, if you are doing something that you would not do with your partner standing right beside you, then it's a breach to the relationship. Period!

Now let's say he or she isn't doing anything that they wouldn't do or say with their mate beside them, but they're just online, texting or on the phone constantly to the point where it bothers their partner? Yes, I'd say this is a problem. It seems to me that social media technology use can be just as addicting to someone as say food, alcohol, drugs or sex and if it begins impacting important relationships around someone, then perhaps it's time to make some assessments or changes.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you believe the old adage "It will happen when you least expect it?"

People throw this term around a lot to those in search of love and while I agree, I also think it's true for life in general. I mean, don't things happen when we "least expect" them to? If we were clairvoyant and knew exactly when the next love of our life was to enter or when we were to land our dream job, wouldn't that take a lot of the fun and intrigue out of the journey? I'm not sure I even know what this adage means. How does someone go out and "expect" to meet Mr. or Ms. Right? We can be hopeful. We can seek. We can pine. Can we really expect the love of our life to enter stage left on command? I guess what I'm asking is, isn't this an overtly obvious statement?

Monday, May 17, 2010

Question of the Day: Are you secretly happy when an ex gets their heart broken?

I personally am never really happy when someone I care about gets hurt; however, I'm ashamed to admit that when I was younger, I would secretly feel a bit elated when an ex boyfriend got his heart handed to him on a platter. Call me vindictive, but I can vividly recall feelings of self-righteous indignation when a former lover would call me up crying because their girlfriend just broke up with them. While I would console them with my words, internally I was shouting, "Ha! Take that! Now ya know how it feels sucka!" Is this normal? Doesn't everybody, on some level, feel a twinge of vindication when a past flame that broke their heart, gets theirs' broken in return?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Question of the Day: What do you find to be the sexiest part on someone's body?

I don't know why, but I've always been attracted to a man's neck. I love it when a guy is into fitness and how, when he wears a nice button down polo shirt, the back of his neck fills it out nicely. Oh man, and then if he's sportin' cologne to boot....forgettaboutit!!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Question of the Day: At a bar, party or event, what makes someone completely unapproachable?

Surprising as this may sound, I'm not very shy so there aren't too many things about a person that would make them unapproachable for me; however, I do have some major turn-off's that will stop me in my tracks and keep me stationed in my corner, hangin' out with my girlfriends! For starters, there's nothing more annoying than the sloppy drunk lounge lizard that's leering at anything in a skirt walking by. Ick! I'm also not apt walk up to anybody that feels he needs to be the life of the party amongst his work buddies by shouting, making lewd jokes and high-five'ing every joe-schmo that also knows the lyrics to "She Shook Me All Night Long."

As for women, whew, I've seen some big no-no's that are surefire ways to keep the guys repelled. My numero uno gripe is what I like to call, "Single & Spiteful Syndrome". Have you ever been out at a bar and seen a single woman who is clearly unhappy with herself and every utterance out of her mouth is a rude, mean or obnoxious attack about the people in the bar? And more times than not, it's other single women just like herself, who are her target! I want to scream at these ladies, "HONEY!! Guys can smell that nasty, angry attitude 1,000 miles away!! And guess what? It's a huge turnoff and if you don't adjust that temperament post haste, they will STAY AWAY as you angrily spiral further down into your negative singlehood hole!

I guess at the end of the day, you have to know why you are approaching someone in a social setting and, perhaps, where you might think it will lead. Sometimes we're in the mental mindframe that we just want to go out with our pals, kick up our heels and have a good time. In times like these, we're probably more inclined to approach people in a similar frame of mind that are also out on the town and having some lighthearted fun. At others, we may find that we're in a more seious or thoughtful mindset and looking for some deep, intellectually stimulating conversation. At these moments, we're probably feeling somwhat intense and more apt to approach someone that has, for example, a pensive look, a thoughtful gaze or a serious expression.

This really makes you think about the whole concept of the law of attraction and like attracting like. When I've had a long, intense day and I feel like just grabbing an appetizer and a glass of wine with a girlfriend, I will definitely attract or be attracted to a completely different person than say, when I'm in my party-like-a-rock-star mentality. Well, no matter your mindset, I speak to many people who have some definite dealbreakers when it comes to a person's "approachability" and what they will not entertain as far as striking up a conversation with a person. Do you know what yours' are?

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you believe in love at first sight?

I get asked this question all the time so I thought it appropriate to throw it out there and to see what the masses think. While I've learned to never say never, I generally don't believe in the concept of love at first sight. I think that love takes time to nurture and cultivate in order to grow and develop. The beginning feelings of passion and intensity do fade and ultimately go away, but what you should have in the end is a profound and loving friendship combined with intimacy. It's difficult to immediately have those feelings for someone you just met, let alone laid eyes on! But then again, I'd love to give this theory a shot with the likes of someone like...say...Bradley Cooper or Jake Gyllenhall. If this opportunity happened to present itself, I would gladly welcome the chance to stand corrected!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Question of the Day: What were some lessons in love that your mother taught you?

With yesterday being Mother's Day, I find it only fitting to ask each of you to ponder some of the lessons in love that you learned from your mother. Be the messages healthy, dysfunctional, insidious, shallow, endearing or what-have-you, each of us were taught lessons in our youth about love that either enabled or hindered our love lives. We all had well meaning mother figure's in our childhoods that did the best they could in raising us, with the tools that they had. That said, somewhere along the line, we learned how to love and how to be in romantic relationships based on messages that were bestowed upon us while growing up.

Personally, my mother taught me some very valuable tools while growing up in how to handle many of my future romantic relationships. My childhood was far from perfect (whose wasn't?), however, mom taught me by example to listen to your inner-voice and that if something feels "off" or "wrong" in the relationship, it probably is. She also raised me to love important people in my life with everything that I had, because you just never know when they might not be around anymore. And that if you truly and genuinely love someone, don't hold yourself back from loving them openly and completely. Love unabashedly.

And my older sister taught me, also by example, to own your self-worth and to know that you are deserving of being loved in the way that you want and need. She also showed me to accept with grace and dignity when a guy just "isn't that into you" by facing it and letting go because it wouldn't be too long before the next, and BETTER one, would come around. Her strength continues to inspire me to this day!

So, on this Mother's Day, I encourage you to reflect on where and how you learned in your youth, some of your love techniques and habits. If you think about it, for most of us, the first time we felt loved was from our own mother's and as simple as it sounds, that was the biggest, most important lesson you will have ever learned. It was at that moment you knew you were a unique, precious and lovable human being who was capable and worthy of love. And then you realized you were capable of reciprocating in kind. Is there anything you can think of more important than that? Thank you Moms. Happy Mother's Day!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you think having a significant other makes you fat?

We've all heard the phrase, "Fat, dumb and happy"; do you ever wonder if it was coined from having a romantic interest and becoming contented with each other? I always find that when I'm in a relationship, my eating patterns change a lot as there are usually late night dinners, trips to the local ice cream parlor, picnics in the park, Sunday brunches, etc. Some people, however, claim to actually lose weight when they're in-love because of the butterflies and excitement they feel. I'd have to say, though, that on the whole I find that most people gain weight when they've found a love interest as they settle into a carefree, sleepy little zone. In the past, how has having a significant other changed your eating habits?

Friday, May 7, 2010

Question of the Day: What is your favorite way to flirt?

Flirting is not only a way to show a person that you're attracted to them, it's a dance! It's fun, seductive and at times, requires well thought-out steps and choreography between you and your dallying counterpart. You don't want to be too coy or shy as this might send off a signal that you're immature or not interested; however, you also don't want to be overtly seductive because this may demonstrate that you're overzealous, desperate and unsophisticated. It takes practice.

Making eye contact is critical when it comes to flirting and it's something you can easily brush up on when you're at home, out with friends or running up to your local grocery store! I always love catching someone's eye from across a crowded room, ever-so slightly turning my head to the left while maintaining my stare, then slowly lowering my gaze down to my hands, then looking back up again to catch his eye. This works like a charm EVERY time!! In a matter of mere minutes, if not seconds, he'll be strolling by your way asking what it is you're drinking and can he buy you another one?

Another one of my all-time fav's is during an intense and engaging conversation, I lightly touch the side of his arm with my hand, hold it there very briefly and then ever-so softly and slowly lower it back to my side. This definitely sends out the, "Gentleman, start your engine! This girl's diggin' you!" smoke signal! At this point, we're past the cocktail hour and onto last minute dining across the street at a romantic french bistro!

So, on this Flirty Friday, do tell...what's your favorite way of casting out the bait and alerting that hot little sea urchin that you're interested in reeling 'em in?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Question of the Day: What's your biggest pet peeve while on a date?

Well, I can certainly come up with several dating pet peeves, but my number one complaint would have to be when my date drones on and on, talking incessantly about himself! Ugh...enough already with the narcissism. I get it! You're great...wonderful...terrific...everyone should want to date you and be with you. In fact, what are you doing here with the likes of me when clearly you could be out with Megan Fox? And, it's just the icing on the cake when they add, "Oh listen to me go on and on. I don't want to talk about myself and my situation. Tell me about you?" And when you manage to eek out a mere tête-à-tête, he barrels right back in only to dominate the conversation yet again! Then adding insult to injury, afterwards when he drops me off and says, "Gee, I really like you and would like to see you again!" LIKE me?? Say whaaaat?? How do you even know because I don't recall uttering 5 words about myself all evening? Like me? Do you even know my name??

Eh em...hmm, thanks for letting me get that off my chest...

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Question of the Day: You're meeting a date for the first time and they are running late. How long do you give them before leaving?

Perhaps I'm not the best person to answer this question as I have very low tolerance for tardiness; however, I do realize that sometimes lateness can't be helped. I say if it's a first date and the person has shown a sense of responsibility in all other aspects, give 'em a good 30 minutes. If it's past that and you haven't received any communicable updates, this is just rude behavior and should not be rewarded by your willingness to partake in it. Your time is just as valuable for gods-sakes!

Maybe I'm bitter because this actually happened on my first date with my ex-husband. After 30 minutes of sitting alone at a dinner table while all the servers stared at me, I decided it was time to leave. I should have read the signs then, when he called and was shocked and actually acted insulted that I would leave before gracing me with his uber-important presence. As if I had nothing better to do than sit there alone in a restaurant because he was tied up at work and didn't manage his time well enough to get to our date promptly!

Obviously we rescheduled the date, but I have often thought about how this rudeness was a big warning sign of things to come in our relationship. He was chronically late throughout our entire courtship and marriage no matter how much I professed that it was a nonverbal message to me that shouted, "My time is more important than yours!!!" He even showed up 20 minutes late to our "last ditch" marriage counseling appointment with the therapist reminding him of how a partner can glean information from such behavior. Alas, it never seemed to get through.

So again, there are the exceptions and flexibility always needs to be adhered to when navigating the, sometimes intimidating, dating scene, but I remind you to stay alert and look for other cues from potential mates. It's often said that actions speak louder than words and to this, I couldn't agree more. We live in a pressure filled world these days, but if you would like to be in a respectful and equitable relationship, punctuality and consideration of your time plays a very important role in that. At least in my oh-so, and ON TIME, humble opinion!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Question of the Day: What do you think of coffee meetings for 1st dates?

Okay, I admit it, I'm not a big fan of this concept. I think if someone suggests this option for a first time meet up, it lacks sincerity and imagination. Not only that, if it's the man's suggestion, in some ways it's like saying, "Well, gee, I'm not sure if I'm really going to like you or not, so just in case I don't, I'm only obligated to shell out cash for a coupla' lattes." There are always exceptions to every rule, but I just don't care for the overall message that it sends to someone you would like to get to know better. Call me old fashioned, but I enjoy the pomp and circumstance of someone formally asking me out for a nice dinner and the anticipation that builds throughout the day as I await the evening. It builds intrigue and makes a girl feel giddy to think about what she's going to wear that will perfectly highlight her pale blue eyes in the hopes that Mr. Wonderful will stare across the table at her with adoration. So, next time you consider suggesting this before meeting your potential future mate, get back to the drawing board and see if that overbooked Italian bistro down the street has had any last minute dinner cancellations! You've been meaning to try their famous cappuccino for months now anyways!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you know anybody who married their "back-up"?

Many of us have met people who have a BFF of the opposite sex where they've both agreed that if they're not married by a certain point, they will just marry each other. I wonder how many of these agreements come to fruition? And if so, do the marriages have a higher or lower chance for success?

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Question of the Day: What intimidates you about the opposite sex?

I consider myself fairly confident in my dating abilities; however, there are a few things that, admittedly, intimidate me about the opposite sex. If I'm sitting across the table from an attractive, intelligent and engaging man and he flashes me a smile full of keyboard-white teeth, I go weak in the knees. I don't know what it is about a confident man that has a pearly white grimace that makes me all aquiver, but it's definitely enough to shake up my game. I've also noticed the tendency to get a little nervous when a man has a piercing stare, especially after asking me an intense or probing question. And if that stare happens to behold crystal blue eyes, forggetaboutid!! I'm done! Next thing I know, I'm stumbling over my words, dropping forks, spilling my water and giggling like a neurotic schoolgirl!

So, what characteristics intimidate you about the opposite sex?