Question of the Day: What break-up song resonates with you the most?

We all have one....or six!! For me, I'd have to say the song that impacted me the most during a painful breakup was "The Power of Goodbye" by Madonna. Ohhhhhh....it just seemed like yesterday I was blaring that song in my car, tears streaming down my face as I crooned, "You were my lesson I had to learn..." So true Mo, so true!

Question of the Day: You're out w/ your bff who is EXTREMELY shy. They see someone they'd like to approach. What is your BEST advice for them?

Big surprise! This has never been an issue for me, but for people who suffer from severe shyness, this can be a huge hurdle in their dating life. If I'm out with a friend whose too nervous to approach a romantic interest, I've been known to be so brazen as to go up to the person myself and inform them my friend would like to meet them. Not always the most tactful thing to do, but sometimes third party intervention is necessary to get the ball rolling!

What tips, advice or words of encouragement have you used to help your bashful friends pave the smoothest path towards approaching a person they find attractive?

Question of the Day: Ladies, what do you say to him when he can't "perform"? Guys, what's a good reason you can't make it happen?

It's happened to the majority of us; sometimes, he just can't perform the magic. Girls, what are some things you've said to assuage his embarrassment? Guys, c'mon! We know it's happened to you...what do you tell her when you can't pull the rabbit out of your hat? Dish!

Question of the Day: You are getting set up w/ a very busy, successful, high-profile date; how long do you wait in the que until they can meet?

As a mate finder for busy, professional individuals, I see this situation far too often. I mean, let's face it, it's why most of my clients hire me; because they are literally too busy to search for a mate themselves. The downside, however, is when these clients are so in demand, it's difficult for them to even schedule an initial phone call, let alone a first date.

So, here's the paradox: If you are someone who would like to be with someone of substance (ie. status), how long are you okay with waiting in the wings until they find the time to initiate contact? I see it time and time again that women in my group would like to date a very successful, educated, pedigreed man; however, with that comes some sacrifice and lots of compromising. I remind them, "Well, if you want to date the CEO or the high power attorney, you may have to adjust your expectations and get comfortable with not seeing him as much as you'd like.


I suppose at the end of the day, it comes down to, what you find negotiable. Are you the type of person that needs lots of communication, physical contact and reassurance from a mate? Or are you busy yourself and okay with a sort of "see you when I see you" arrangement? Does the difficulty in finding the time to make initial contact before a date, raise a red flag for you? If you jot down a list of "must haves" in a mate, it's important to remember that some of those qualities don't come without trade-offs and accomodating. Just my $.02!

Question of the Day: What is your personal hard-fast rule of what NOT to do on a 1st date?

C'mon, we all have one...'least I hope we do. What have you vowed to yourself that you
would never do, or repeat, on a first date?

Question of the Day: What do you do to calm pre-1st date jitters?

Take a shot of Petrone? Lounge for an hour in a hot, steamy bubble bath? Work off the excess energy at Zumba class? Call your bff and have them talk you off the ledge by reassuring you, that, yes, you ARE all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips and if he/she doesn't like you, they're high on crack and should get their head examined?

What I like to have my clients and database members do, who are really nervous before initial dates, is to write a list of all of their wonderful qualities and characteristics. Just sit down and write whatever comes to mind about all of the things that make you a fabulous partner for someone else. This is a terrific exercise to do even if you aren't about to go on a date, but would like to find a life partner. It's so simple, doesn't cost anything, just requires a pen, sheet of paper and a good dose of positive self-analysis!

Just sit back and enjoy the self adulations. It'll be like no time as has passed and the next thing you know, you'll look at those declarations and realize, "HOT damn! I AM all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips!" Re-read the list right before you meet your date and you'll walk (no, you'll saunter!) into that restaurant with your head held high and a little pep in your step! And nothing, my friends, is more attractive than a confident, self aware person!

Question of the Day: Today it's Justin Beiber! So, who was your teen heartthrob when you were younger?

Well, my boy-craziness all began with Andy Gibb. I would stare at his pictures in Tiger Beat and just WILL him to jump through the pages and embrace me in rapture! (...okay, maybe a peck on the cheek would have sufficed.) He could have 'shadow danced' with me anytime! (Whatever the hell that was anyway!). Then as I entered the 8th grade, forgettaboudid!! My world began and ended with Duran Duran. My walls were plastered with photos of Simon LeBon, John Taylor and Nick Rhodes. I'd replay "Save a Prayer" over and over until the lyrics were etched in my memory banks forever. Oh long live the mod subculture of New Wave, punk runk and underground music!

Question of the Day: So what's so WRONG with being "Single & Satisfied"?

If I get asked this question one more time, I think my head will explode: So Kari, why are you still single? Is it because I turn 40 in a couple weeks and society thinks that there's just GOT to be something wrong with an attractive woman whose in her 40's and without a mate? Is it just that unbelievable that a woman, in this day and age, actually finds so much satisfaction just from her career, children and friends alone? My one girlfriend is continually saying to me, "Oh don't worry! Your true love is out there," no matter how many times I tell her, "I'm not ready for him yet! I'm perfectly content focusing on my children and building my business."

It would appear that most people believe that if you are not partnered up, even unhappily, that you've just got to be lonely, unfulfilled and miserable. Even when recent studies indicate that single people are happier and live longer than their married counterparts!!

I mean honestly, my thinking is this; there are pluses and minuses both in full-time relationships and in being completely alone. In relationships, so much compromising has to be made and you give up a lot of freedom. For example, you need to periodically check-in with your partner, compromise on where to eat, what shows & movies to watch, etc. And if you share space, you contend with practicalities such as snoring, less closet space, more bathroom clutter, etc. So you know what? I decided that while I'm single, I'm going to LIVE LARGE and make the most of it!! Is that really so bad?

Question of the Day: Should a man hide his wealth or a woman downplay her beauty, so prospective mates can like them for "them"?

I had a new client meeting last night at New Brunswick's posh restaurant "The Frog & The Peach" (LOVE that place!) and was inspired to pose this question when we had an interesting discussion about this topic. This particular client is a very successful doctor who owns several homes, goes on luxurious vacations, eats at the best restaurants in town, has yearly a membership to the theatre, etc.

As the interview proceeded, he told me that he prefers to be inconspicuous about his assets as he ventures into the "dating world". When I asked him why, he said because he would like for a woman to like him for him first. I understand his point, however, my response to him was that his wealth and success IS a part of him and that most women are attracted to successful, ambitious men. I'm sure I'll get a LOT of flack for saying this, but people like roles and it's not being a golddigger for a woman to enjoy a man of substance!

On the flip side, I've had female clients who've told me that they prefer to downplay their "assets" and beauty because too many men would just want to get them in the sack if they exploited their looks. Well, here we address the "roles" debate again...men are fairly simple, they like beauty! It's what they're attracted to and go off of initially. Honestly, would we have it ANY other way ladies? Would you really want a man who said to you, "Honey, it's okay, I don't care about your looks. It's what's on the inside that counts." Omigod, what does that say about you? Don't get me wrong, I've had my fair share of suitors who've just wanted me as an arm piece, but being single long enough, you learn to sniff out those shallow people from a mile away.

My advice? Be UNABASHEDLY yourself, trust your instincts and let nature take its course. Afterall, you would never want to look back at a failed relationship asking yourself, "Gosh, maybe it would have worked if I'd just been an open book and let them see all of me?"

Question of the Day: Do you believe cheating always equates to a lack of love for the partner or spouse?

With all this Tiger talk and him professing his undying love for his wife (Ha...I say!!), it got me wondering if it's generally always true that the cheater no longer loves his mate? There are a gammut of situations out there and I think it's too broad of a statement to suggest that everybody cheats because they are no longer in love with their partner, but it does appear to be a common theme. My personal belief? A cheater's indescrepencies have a lot more to do with their own internal compasses' than their romantic counterparts.

- The Trentonian Video > Video-jeff: Serving Trenton and surrounding communities. (trentonian.com)

- The Trentonian Video > Video-jeff: Serving Trenton and surrounding communities. (trentonian.com)

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Question of the Day: Do you think a long standing FWB relationship has a chance to lead to love?

Being around singles constantly and seeing many "Friends with Benefits" relationships (Okay, okay, I might have had 1....er....or so...myself), I can't say I've really ever seen many of them, if any, evolve into a serious, monogamous partnership. It seems to me that once you establish "the rules", if you will, of your current arrangement, it's difficult for one or both partners to see the other person in a different way. What's worse is when one partner starts to develop strong feelings for their FWB and it's not reciprocated. I've seen this time and time again and most always leads to the demise of the union.

Have you had or do you know anyone whose FWB relationship became a serious, long-term relationship?

Question of the Day: If you went to a "Clothing Optional" bar that was packed & you were the ONLY one w/ clothes on, would you "drop trou"?

This question was inspired by my girlfriend, who DT'd* me late last night while on a bender in Key West, Fl. If you've been there, you know right off party central Duvall Street, unassumingly sits the "Naked Bar". The time I went, there was only one "freaky deak" nerdy guy all by himself in the middle of the dance floor, completely in the buff, lettin' it just flap away in the 80 degrees wind! Ya GOTTA respect such chutzpah!! I'll admit, I felt mortified for the guy, but he was happy as a lark, doin' his thing, not giving a rip what anyone else thought of him.

It got me thinking, "If this place were packed to the gills and everbody was sportin' the newborn leafless look, and I were the only one with clothes on, would I partake in the festivities?" I mean, maybe there is something freeing about lettin' it just all hang out while striking a pose on the dance floor? Welp, this soon-to-be-40-year-old-mother-of-two has seen her better au natural days, so I'm inclined to say, I'd probably just be a sidelined cheerleading voyeur, leaving the more adventuresome to the naked Macarena!

But what about you? Would you "drop trou" and go bare-naked in a rowdy party bar, on some small island town where nobody knew you from Adam? (Okay, there's a joke in there somewhere but I'm shootin' a blank. Oh another joke...yikes...okay, I digress....). If not, do you know anybody who has or would?

*For those who don't regularly follow me, DT is short for "Drunk Texting" - Please make your cell phone a NO-DT'ing-ZONE!

Question of the Day: With texting, tweeting, cell phones, IM'ing, etc, do you think all of this technology helps or hinders relationships?

As I'm sure is the case with most of you, my first serious relationship was volatile, stressful and incredibly emotional. I undoubtably believe that if we had had the technology back then that we do now....whoa...we most likely would have broken up 50 MORE times than we already did! The convenience of hiding behind technology is without a doubt, gratifying; however, relationships are emotionally based and need human interaction to be sustained. Are we becoming increasingly disconnected from one another? Especially where romantic relationships are concerned?

Question of the Day: How can a woman tell if a man is interested in "her" or just interested in her sexually?

Alright, this question comes from a fellow PEC member who also happens to be a friend of mine. This is what she writes: Recently started dating a guy. Went out about 4 times, he contacts me daily, either in morning or at night before bed or both. Things seem to be going well. This guy texts me late one night after not hearing from him all day. Texts start innocent and then become increasingly sexually graphic. I don't respond with same, but with "speechless" and "guess u should plan something special", etc. Finally, I'm 'rubbed the wrong way', and he apologizes and asks if he was 'out of line'. When I tell him that I really don't know him that well and am still trying to 'figure him out' and that perhaps things said in a text come across differently than by voice, he says he understands. Haven't heard from him since.

My response: UGHHHHHHHHH!!!! I can't tell you HOW many times this has happened to me. Ladies, what have we learned when we don't hear from a guy all day long and suddenly our phone's start to beep or ring late at night? What kind of call do we call that?? Anyone??? Uh huh...yep, girlfriend! You got it. That's a big ol' booty call!! I have to say (and it's happened more times than I care to admit), any guy I dated that did this type of thing WAY too soon in the relationship, I didn't keep around much longer. He showed me who he was right then and there. It's really all about SELF RESPECT. Something in your own subconsciousness is saying, "Hey, I'm in a low place. Come disrespect me because right now, I don't have a whole lot of that goin' on for myself either!" And so, what are you getting? Yep, someone to validate the story you're making up in your head! Bottom line, if you have to ask the question in the first place, "Is he just interested in me sexually or does he really like me and want to date me?" may just be the little whisper in your ear that might soon become a shout! Ladies, always follow your instincts....they usually never lead you astray!

Question of the Day: What's with the Questions of the Day?

Okay, here I go! Try and try as I might to fight entry into the vast and omnipotent "Blog-osphere", I've surrendered and am now an official "Blogger". That said, I find it only appropriate to write this maiden voyage blog about my Questions of the Day. I began Princeton Elite Club a year ago (Wow!! A full year has already gone by!!) to service local professional singles by hosting events and matching people with potential romantic partners.

A large part of my presence has been on Facebook where I started accumulating singles from the NJ Tri-state area, in my circle of Facebook friends. One day I decided to post a dating question. Well, the response I got was HUGE and I was surprised to find that so many people, even married folks, took an interest in my question, as well as other people's responses. The next day I decided, "Okay, what the hell? I'll post another question and this time...hmmm...perhaps I'll make it a touch controversial?" So, out comes, "Question of the Day: What do you consider cheating? Kissing? Hugging? Actual sex?", "Talking on the phone/computer?" Well, you can imagine the reactions that were posted from THAT one! Lots of bantering back and forth, heated arguments, personal experiences, etc.

I get asked almost daily, "Kari, where do you come up with these questions?" Well, short and simple, they come from either my own head or personal dating experiences, friends' dating stories, or clients experiences. I listen to morning talk shows everyday when taking my son to school and sometimes there will be something they discuss that will spark a question. Sometimes while getting my hair or nails done, I'll come across an article in "Cosmo" or "W Magazine" that gets my attention and is fodder for the next day's question.

I really knew my questions were taking off and being well received when Facebook strangers, whom I'd NEVER even met before, entrusted me with personal questions to post for them! These people message me personally and are usually in a relationship quandary and prefer to remain anonymous while proposing a question; my page is the perfect platform to do so! It's obvious that so many of my fans and followers have a large breadth of dating experience and offer so much insight and valuable knowledge.

Okay, it's not rocket science and doesn't require a Ph.D. to post a daily dating question, but I tell you what, it sure makes people stop and think about their own situations, beliefs, standards and morals. Even though some days I really kick myself for even starting these dang little queries that take up a large fraction of my morning, I continue to be impressed and amazed by the overall resilience, conscientiousness and compassion of the human spirit. On the whole, people do truly care about one another and want to see other people happy and in-love! So... in the name of finding true love, daily questioning is a small price that I'm happy to pay....