Friday, April 30, 2010

Question of the Day: You're dating someone you're totally "into" but you can't stand their hair style. What do you do?

One of my client's has been seeing a woman for a couple months now that he really likes a lot; however, he detests her hairstyle and would like for her to change it. We have both been mulling over ways that he can broach this subject to her in a polite way, so as to not hurt her feelings. It seems like a simple thing to address, but it definitely takes some tact and sensitivity. What if, in turn, she's offended and feels he's being shallow and believes that her hairstyle is not who she is and shouldn't be an issue for him?

I suppose I can see both sides of the equation because, let's face it, we've all dated someone before that we felt we were totally attracted to, but if they would just change that one thing... A girlfriend of mine was recently dating a gentleman that she really liked and she said, "Man! I'm so into him, but if only he would completely shave the hair off around the base of his head!" She asked me what she should say to him and I said, "How about something like: Gee, you have such a nice head, it would look so good completely bald. Have you ever thought about shaving all of your hair off?" I know that I personally respond better when people point out the positives first and tell me what they like versus what's not workin' for me.

So, what are some suggestions for people who would like for their partner's to make a simple change so that they can feel more attracted to them?

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Question of the Day: What would you do if your best friend's partner came onto you?

This was a suggested question for me today and I have to say, it gets brought up often. While it's disappointing to think that significant others hit on their mate's best friend's, it does happen. So what should one do as the recipient of untoward advances? Do you approach your BFF and tell them? Do you tell their partner they better tell their S/O or else you will? If they're a Pamela Andersson or George Clooney clone, do you say, "F#!@ it", throw caution to the wind, go for it and hope it stays on the Q.T.? What is the proper protocol here?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Question of the Day: If you had the chance to be on "The Dating Game", would you rather be the "Questioner" or the "Questionee"?

This isn't just a random question folks! Mark your calendars for Thursday, June 17th, as Princeton Elite Club will be joining forces with the comedy club "Catch a Rising Star" (located at the Hyatt in Princeton, NJ) where we will host "The Dating Game". This evening will be packed with lots of comedic talent as real-life singles contest to win a shot at love...or...okay, maybe just a date! We're gonna bring back the days of yore when all ya had to do was go on a game-show, answer questions about your romantic maneuvers and blow a kiss out to the audience, in order to find your potential mate!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you think singles act differently in bars today versus 20 years ago?

I was listening to the radio yesterday morning and heard a woman in her mid-40's talking about her experience with going out over the past weekend. She's newly separated from her husband and decided to try venturing out and seeing if she could rehash her "clubbing" days. She said she was horrified to discover that men were much more aggressive and claimed her butt was grabbed several times throughout the course of the night. When the DJ pressed her on this and said maybe it was because her butt more "grab-able" these days, she firmly denied it and said she felt the singles scene has totally changed and not what she recalled from her youth. Do you agree? Do you think single people are more bold today? Or do you think, perhaps, our perception's and/or expectations have evolved and we're maybe more apt to see things we may otherwise have overlooked in our youth?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Question of the Day: On average, when on a first date, how long does it take you to determine if you would like to see this person again?

I've seen research that suggests for women it takes, on average, approximately 30 minutes into the date to determine if she would like to see him again. And get this! For men the average is 17 seconds it takes for him to make the consideration! The data claims that because men are initially attracted to their female counterparts on physical attraction, it takes only mere seconds for him to determine if he is responsive to her features and to know if he would or would not like to see her again. For women, it's different because we tend to be attracted to men based on a culmination of attributes such as openness, intelligence, humor, looks, etc., and we tend to need more time in figuring out our attraction level to our dates'. This said, however, there have GOT to be exceptions to every rule and I'm curious to hear from my own corral, their experiences with the length of time they usually invest before establishing if there will or won't be a call-back?

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Question of the Day: Have you ever accidentally called your partner by your ex's name?

If the answer is "yes", how'd that go over? I can envision a sneering, seething partner huddled up in the corner, arms crossed and eyes fixated on you waiting for your profuse apologies. Well, we've all slipped up from time to time and when you spent a significant amount of time and/or your life with one specific partner, it can be difficult to retrain your long term memory habits. I mean, most times it's not as if you're still pining away for your ex and longing to be with them again. Usually it's just from brain overload and you going on auto-pilot and blurting out a verbal sequence pattern that slips off the tongue effortlessly from past continual use. Have to admit though, no matter how much reasonable explaining you do to soften your mistaken moniker blow, there's not a whole lot one can say to take away that initial sting.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Question of the Day: In a new relationship, do you ever think it's appropriate to ask, "How many sex partners have you had?"

You know that gut-wrenching music that comes on during a horror flick right before something bad is about to happen? Many people can testify to hearing it when asked how many sex partners they've had. The possible implications of being completely forthright in answering this question could be devastating to the future of a relationship. It could also be an insignificant detail, depending upon the person who is asking. Consider this, men, generally speaking, will have more sex partners on average over their lifetime than women. So in the case of a guy, most women are not expecting you to have slept with less people than she has, but she is expecting the number to be somewhat "respectable". Most women actually are reluctant to want to know the answer to this, but ask the question they will! In the case of women, men are definitely expecting that their sex number is less than his. One reason is most men like to know they are more sexually experienced than their female counterpart. Both men and women view great promiscuity in mates as undesirable; which begs the question, if you're truly interested in getting to know and date this person, why even ask it to begin with? And, anyway, is it really any of your business?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you "Google" your prospective dates?

This question reminds me of a time when I was on a date with, what appeared to be, an omnipotent gentleman. Somehow during the course of our 1 hour phone courting, he gathered a whole lot more information about myself then I had recalled disclosing. Our face-to-face conversation went something like this:

Him: Weren't you on the PTO committee of your kid's school?
Me: Uh huh. Yeah.
Him: Yeah, and weren't you in charge of the bulletin announcements?
Me: Yyyyes? Wait! How'd you know that?
Him: What do you mean?
Me: Did I tell you that the other night? I really don't remember telling you that!
Him: Oh, no don't worry! You aren't having a senior moment. I looked you up online.
Me: What??
Him: Of course. Oh c'mon! You "Googled" me too, didn't you?
Me: I did what? Um...nooooooooo!
Him: What? You didn't "Google" me? Don't you "Google" all your dates before you meet them?
Me: No. Should I?
Him: Well, I just thought everybody did?

So, after this encounter, it really got me curious and made me question if I was behind in the 8-ball in new dating techniques. I have to admit, I'm still not a fan of undercover dating investigation where I try to learn, what seems to be surreptitiously, about my prospective date. I enjoy leaving things to fate and reveling in the joy of discovery and, okay, sometimes utter shock and dismay. But I equate "Googling" someone before a date to opening all your Christmas presents before the 25th and then re-wrapping them all, only to open them up again later. At that point, you know what you're getting so why even bother going through the pomp and circumstance of a big elaborate unveiling? Maybe it's just me? Call me old-fashioned, but I like savoring the anticipation and excitement of what just might be awaiting me in that mysterious, undiscovered package!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you feel dating etiquette is a thing of the past?

We've all either experienced dating calamities or know people who have. In this singles business I know I've heard more horror dating tales than I can shake a stick at. One that stands out in particular is a database member who met a man online who offered to fly her down to San Antonio, Texas for a relaxing weekend get-away at an upscale hotel. He had her put all of the expenses on her credit card while promising to pay her back once she left to go back home. Well, as I'm sure you can surmise, the check was never written and after coming home, her calls to his cell phone were repeatedly, and conveniently, dropped due to "bad cell service". Yikes!

Another male member told me that he showed up at a restaurant to meet his online date and when she walked right by him at the bar, he literally didn't recognize her. He said when she approached him asking him his name, he was so tempted to tell her it wasn't him. He was highly annoyed and said it was the longest dinner he'd ever sat through.

Well, call me Pollyanna, and while there are some rotten apples in the bunch, I hold steadfast to the belief that the cream always rises to the top. I'll admit it, since my divorce I've dated a lot. Okay...a ton! And I have to say, 99.8% of my dates have been pleasant, respectful and courteous. And even though the lot of these gentlemen ultimately may not have ended up being "the one", on the whole, I truly do believe that dating etiquette not only still exists, but in a changing world, evolving.

Times have changed and with the invention of online dating, Blackberries and Iphones, dating services and newly formed singles clubs, I find that people are more encouraged to get out of their comfort zones and to take charge of their "singlehood". Women are more assertive in approaching men, albeit sometimes behind a phone or computer, and better able to go for what they want. Many of my female clients are in a financial position where they offer to split the tab or to even pay for it altogether. Now that's class! And men, I find, are more open to hearing about how women like to be treated on dates and asking questions about their feelings on such social sites like Facebook and Myspace.

C'mon, let's not give up hope people! I meet thousands of individuals from all walks of life and even though times are changing (they always have been), I do still believe that people, on the whole, are inherently good natured, caring and compassionate.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you believe when they that sex is a lot like pizza? When it's good it's very good, and when it's bad it's still pretty good?

Don't know if this particular question is worthy of any more interpretation? I think it pretty much speaks for itself. Personally, as a woman, I don't believe this metaphor! I've had bad sex and I've had amazing sex and neither one of them I'd particularly compare to pizza - but that's just me!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Question of the Day: Would you go on a first or second date to a live NUDE art exhibit?

I was listening to talk radio this morning, and hearing all the hype about the new art exhibit currently running at the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) in NYC. Famous and controversial artist Marina Abromovic has created a very edgy and unique, live nude show that is running until the end of May. Supposedly this showing is replete with nude bodies in very tight quarters and as an audience member, you just may find yourself squeezing by and having to physically touch one of these performers just to get to the next viewing. Oy!! I think I'm literally blushing as I'm typing this!!

So it got me thinking: I wonder how many people would be willing to go on a first or second date to such an exhibit? I, for one, think I would turn 50 shades of purple going with someone as close to me as a high school buddy, let alone someone I barely knew!! And, unless it were two people who were art critics, majors or performers themselves, I'd probably have a conniption if I found out one of my clients took a member to such a showing on a first date. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of the arts and in full support of funding the arts in public schools; however, I believe the only nude thing appropriate to analyze on a first or second date is the style of her Marc Jacob's handbag!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Question of the Day: Can we really have it all?

Between myself, my girlfriends and my clients, I've noticed a trend amongst single people, particularly women, who seem to want it all in a partner; good looks, smarts, wit, charm, success and money. My question is this; can we really have it all? Not to sound like a Doubting Thomas, but I've either experienced it myself or seen it with others, that when you hold so tightly to a must-have standard in someone, it offsets other really positive traits that you could be overlooking. Like I tell my friends and clients, you can have that successful, rich, ambitious man, but a lot of times, with that comes the downside of him not being as available to you as you would like.

I, myself, was recently on a date with an incredibly successful gentleman who said right away, "Just so you know, work is a very big part of my life and don't take it personally if I can't always get back to you." BIG red flag! Essentially he was laying the groundwork and forewarning me of what the relationship was to look like. Lots of alone time for me, waiting around for phone calls, having to make up excuses as to why he wasn't available, broken promises, etc. No thanks! I'm sorry ladies, but unless you are willing to be someone's Barbie Doll, placed up on a shelf and only taken down to be played with when he sees fit, money/success is overrated! What's the point of being in a relationship if you can't count on that someone special being your soft place to land?

I do have sources of inspiration, however, and really do believe that it is possible to find "close enough" to everything you're looking for in a partner. Take my sister for example: at the beautifully saucy and mature age of 46, she's found her Prince Charming! She is engaged to a very successful CFO for a Fortune 500 company, good looking, doting, charismatic and fun man. And get this girls; he's blessed with a gorgeous British accent to boot! Just yesterday my sister and I were talking on the phone and she reminded me, "Kari, you can have it all! Look at Nick! He has a very high pressure job, does well for himself, has two kids of his own, and he still manages to make me his priority!" She and I both agreed that when you are someone's priority, you just know. There's no doubting, no making excuses, no loneliness and no heartache. The relationship just flows organically.

So can we really have it all? ABSOLUTELY! You just have to have realistic expectations for yourself and really figure out what it is you want and what's negotiable in a mate.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you keep ex gf's/bf's in your back pocket for those times of need or 'just in case' moments?

If so, is this a mutual agreement between the two of you, or something that you keep to yourself? I think it's always nice to have "a pair and a spare" but curious if there are others out there who tend to keep ex's or friends on the back burner for those "special" occasions.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Question of the Day: What would you like to see on Princeton Elite Club's new website? Feedback and suggestions needed!

So we're biting the bullet at Princeton Elite Club and investing in a slammin' new website. If you are single and dating and would like to get involved in the singles community within the Tri-State area, what would you like to see on our new website? What features would interest you the most? All feedback and suggestions welcome! Do tell!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Question of the Day: How important is it that your friends & family like and/or get along with your significant other?

I've always said it, "There is something wrong when most of your friends or family members do not like your significant other". If you think about it, we choose our friends because we like them, have similar interests and for the most part, get along well with them. We love our family members (usually!) and respect their opinions because they've known us all of our lives. I've seen it more times than not, that when our significant others are not well received by friends and family, it will inevitably lead to malcontent within the relationship and, quite possibly, its demise. There are always exceptions, however, but on the whole, I find it very important that the people closest to us should not necessarily love our mate's, but respect them enough to get along with them.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Question of the Day: Do most people have height restrictions or requirements with whom they date?

This comes up quite often in my line of business and I usually find that it's the woman that has the requirements versus the men. Most of my tall female clients/database members will not date someone who is shorter than themselves and many even have problems with men being the same height. I have a good male friend who once said, "I never questioned my height until I went on and saw how many women require men 6 feet tall or taller. I mean, migosh, it doesn't change me as a person that I'm only 5'9. It now gives me a complex!"

Do people have height restrictions or requirements with whom they date? Is a man comfortable dating someone taller; a woman someone shorter? What about if you are the same height until the woman puts on heels? This controversy recently came up again and it got me curious as to how many people would actually cast aside their potential soul mate due to height?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Question of the Day: What do you think of couples who, when dining out, split the tab versus alternating who will pay each time?

I had dinner with a group of friends several weeks ago and something happened that has been on my mind for awhile now. A few of them were coupled up and were there with their partners. When the bill came, we divided it up and there was one couple that split their portion of the tab between the two of them. This occurred even though all of the other couples had one person picking up their portion for the both of them. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for equality between the sexes and what-not, but I have to admit, I not only found this situation unconventional, but perplexing as well.

Actually, if you think about it, even amongst friends it's not very common.
For instance, when you have a platonic friend that you go out with all the time you most likely take turns because you know you will be going out again and it will be a wash. Usually, it's really only when you have that random person that you see infrequently, you split the bill. In my personal opinion, its as if this romantic relationship is being set up to fail because it creates a separateness, as in, it's me versus you. You are either a unit, or working to become one, or you are not. Money is another energy source that can either work in your favor as a couple, or work against you. I've seen it that when too much focus is put upon money in a relationship, it causes unnecessary strife and conflict.

When it comes to dating and dining out, the most successful unions I've encountered are when the higher earner typically pays the tab, with the other person treating occasionally. Look, at the end of the day, it shouldn't be a scorecard and where we keep tabs on who paid what and what was last given to the other. If relationships do best when they naturally ebb and flow, wouldn't you agree that splitting a restaurant tab is subconsciously sending a hypocritical message?

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Question of the Day: What do you think of couples who match clothing? Cute or corny? Adorable or annoying?

You know you've seen 'em before. You're at the airport, a sporting event or a holiday gathering and you suddenly spot the hard-to-miss couple that darn identical clothing. Honestly, what's your take on this? Do you find it endearing when lovebirds declare their romantic solidarity with matching outfits? Or do you find this public display of matchy-matchy-poo-pooness creepy, irritating or "hurl-worthy"?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Question of the Day: What is the most cocky pick-up line you've ever heard?

Oh between my girlfriend's and me, we could write a list the size of the Declaration of Independence of all the horrific pick-up lines we've heard. I'd have to say, the most cocky line a guy said to me was, "You should really consider yourself lucky! I don't hit on just anybody." I'm waiting with baited breath to hear some new goodies out there. Whatcha got for this been-around-the-block mate finder?

Friday, April 9, 2010

Question of the Day: What's the soonest you've heard of someone getting into a successful, long-term relationship after a divorce or break-up?

Let's face it, the odds of someone landing into a serious, long-term relationship soon after a divorce or break-up are very low. I suppose, however, there are exceptions to every rule. I, myself, am racking my brain to figure out whom I might know that found their soul mate while freshly single. I'm curious; who out there has any enlightening success stories to share?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Question of the Day: At what ages do you think it's okay to have a 10 year age gap between 2 people?

I thought this a fitting QofD today as I welcome, albeit grudgingly, my entry into the Decade 40's Club! Yikes! Anyways, my age difference rule of thumb is typically no more than 5 years up or 5 years down; however, I've been known to modify it from time to time depending on what type of relationship a client or friend is looking for.

For some, they're happy having casual flings or carefree relationships that don't require a lot of emotional investment. In this case, for example, I think it perfectly fine for an older gentleman or woman (a.k.a "cougar") to date someone significantly younger than them so long as each party is honest about what they are looking for out of the union. Others are looking for a long-term, steady, committed relationship where they're either widowed, divorced or never married but looking for "the one". Typically it's easier for these folks to stay closer within their age range so that commonalities are present and there is plenty to talk about with one another; however, it's been my experience to see many older people who are still fit and active, date someone 10 years younger than themselves and share plenty of interests.

I personally believe, that these days with people looking better than ever and taking great pains to care for themselves physically , we're going to see a lot wider age range gaps within the dating community. So, how far outside of your age bracket are you willing to date?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Question of the Day: If someone says "I love you" for the first time while intoxicated or during sex, does it still count?

Hasn't this happened to you? You're in a new relationship, the sparks are flying, the two of you are so compatible and you're just so eager to hear those 3 letter words come out of your mate's mouth. When it finally happens, it feels so amazing and you're euphoric from head-to-toe, so much that you could shout from the rooftops, "I'm in-love!". But, it's not long before your balloon starts to deflate when you realize, "Wait a minute! He was three sheets to the wind when he said it. Did he really mean it? Was he referring to me or the half empty bottle of Petrone sitting on my nightstand table?" Or perhaps it was right at the pinnacle peak during sex that she shouted out, "I love you!! Omigod I really love you!!!!!", which leaves you just as bewildered and curious?

So, if these are not ideal times to say the words, but you're in an amazingly perfect and romantic moment with your lover, and happen to be tipsy or frollicking in the sheets together, do you hold off until another time? Do you wait until you sober up and/or get in the light of day to say "I love you"? When, exactly, is the ideal time to say it to someone you truly care about?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Question of the Day: You've been casually dating someone who is inconsistent, their friend asks you out. Do you go?

Here's another follower's suggestion for the Q of D today. This is her predicament:

I've been casually dating this guy who claims to be into me, but his actions sometimes say otherwise. He says his schedule keeps him busy but he does stay in relatively good contact. A friend (not very close) of his, whom he introduced to me, asked me out not realizing I was dating the other guy. Since it's been casual and inconsistent with the first guy, do I accept the date with the friend?

My take? I always say you need to go by someone's actions, not their words! Let's face it, talk is cheap! I would absolutely accept the date with the friend so long as you're being open and honest with all parties involved. If the first guy gets upset or goes away, well, there's your answer! If you both knew that you had wanted more from this gentleman, and he was showing you that you were a casual date, seems to me he made his choice and, thus, you both remain on "the market".

Monday, April 5, 2010

Question of the Day: Do we enter the dating arena, ultimately for marriage or just companionship?

Be honest. When you decide to go out on a date with someone, are you hopeful it will lead to a longterm relationship that will result in marriage? Or are you just seeking companionship with a partner with a no-strings-attached agreement? With a divorce rate of approximately 50% in our nation, it appears as though dating and relationships have evolved over the past decade or so, to include less formal arrangements between two partners. Many people are satisfied with having casual flings originating from online dating sites versus entering into serious, committed relationships. Either way, if you are re-entering the dating arena as a result from a break-up, separation or divorce, I think it's an important question to ask yourself so that you can have some clarity in a world filled with lots of gray area!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Question of the Day: Who filled YOUR Easter basket???

Just askin'??? Btw, I filled my own.... :-)


Saturday, April 3, 2010

Question of the Day: How many times do you ask someone to marry you after they say "no"?

Most of you, I'm sure, will respond with a resounding "0", but there are varying circumstances amongst each individual couple. One person in the relationship may have had a traumatic upbringing where their parent's divorce inflicted an intense fear in them. Or someone could have been raised by volatile parent's who should have gotten divorced but stayed together.

Many circumstances can cause a person to have angst or trepidation over formally unionizing their partnership. How long do you give a partner to come to terms with marrying when you both would like to see the relationship taken to the next level? At what point do you determine that, perhaps, it's time you two go your separate ways?

I'm curious to see the myriad responses to this particular question and hoping there will be some debate.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Question of the Day: Is it a problem if one person is always the initiator of sex, well into the relationship?

This is another suggested question from a follower and I believe it speaks for itself, however, I'm fairly certain most of us have experienced this at one time or another. You're in a serious, committed relationship and it seems the initiation of intimacy is completely one-sided. What do you do?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Question of the Day? What do you do when you write an e-mail to a friend, venting about your mate & you accidentally send it to your partner instead?!

This question was a suggestion from a friend, but I click-clacked away on my keyboard with a response because I've been so idiotic to do this as well (sorry M!) . If you've ever had the mortifying experience of your mate reading or hearing something from you that was not meant for their eyes or ears, than you know the near-death angst and panicky feeling it produces. As for me, well, my email was a full-fledged rant-fest that included expletives and immature name calling, such as "Mr. New Age Philosopher", "uptight buttknocker", "drama king", "obnoxious wanker", etc. I hit that "send" button with all of my intense self-righteous indignation and awaited my aunt's response confirming that I was right and my partner was a total loser. Ha...color me surprised when I don't hear back from her, but the next day instead receive an email from said total loser stating, "Not to be an "uptight buttknocker", but I'm fairly certain you didn't mean to send this to me." Yikes!!