Saturday, July 31, 2010

Question of the Day: Have you or would you ever date someone who still lived at home with their parent's?

I recently met with a potential client a couple weeks ago who is finding it difficult to find a mate because of his living circumstances.  He's a great guy who owns his own business and wants more than anything to find his soul mate and start a family.  However, due to his ailing father, he's had to move back in with his parents to help his mother take care of him.  As a result, he claims his dating life has suffered tremendously as most women won't even consider going out with a guy who doesn't own his own place.

It's easy to say that these women are shallow, but putting myself in the situation, I'd have to say I probably wouldn't date someone seriously who lived at home with their parent's either.  At my age and with two small children, it'd be nice to have another place as a retreat for the two of us, and this would be next to impossible with someone who shared a home with family members.  I don't think it's a character flaw on anyone who is in this circumstance, per se, but personally for me and my accommodations, it just most likely wouldn't work.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Question of the Day: What's the quickest amount of time that transpired between when you met someone and then went on a date with them?

I hear crazy stories all the time about people meeting dates randomly and then spontaneously going off on a date with them.  A client of mine actually met a woman stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic and when she was explaining to him why there was a jam, he realized she was cute and asked her out the following night.  

This past winter on a blustery cold Saturday morning, my girlfriend called me and told me her crazy story from the previous night.  She said she was chatting on a dating site with a guy late at night.  He asked her out for the next evening but she had to decline as she was busy with other plans.  She then said, "What are you doing now?"  Next thing you know, she's throwing on wrinkled jeans, tossing her hair up in a pony-tail and rushing out the door sans make-up to go meet this Internet dating stranger.  In a matter of 15 minutes they're slamming back beers at the local pub which invariably leads to a major make-out session in his car in the parking lot for another hour or so!   

Another client recently told me he flirted with a bartender and asked her if she'd be interested in going to St. Croix with him that weekend.  She responded with, "I get off work in an hour.  Let's go to dinner so I can learn more about you."  They had dinner and the next morning they were on a flight to St. Croix for the weekend.  Dang!!  Why doesn't this stuff happen to me??

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Question of the Day: If you could be with anyone in the world who would it be? Why?

My vote's easy, Brad Pitt.  Every movie I've ever watched him in, I've made a solemn vow that this time I won't fall for him by the end of it.  And alas, every time I fail...miserably!  I mean, hello???  Legends of the Fall?  C'mon, the producer knew casting him as Tristan Ludlow would lure women by the droves to see a shirtless, muscle ripped Brad Pitt riding horseback across the Rocky Mountains of Montana, as his long hair flowed effortlessly in the wind.  What was the movie about anyway?

Aside from his beauty, he also seems like a good person as well.  He cares about poverty stricken countries and giving back where he can.  Okay, minus all the kids (Oh...and uhh...yeah, that pesky wife of his, what's-her-name) I'd walk across hot coals and sleep on razor blades to be with him!  Can anyone blame me?

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Question of the Day: What's a funny term you've heard used for "sex?"

I was driving this morning and almost spit out my Wawa coffee, when I heard a woman on the radio explain to the DJ why she and her boyfriend use the term "making cookies" in lieu of "having sex."  She said that one time she and her boyfriend were home alone and had sex in various places around the house throughout the day.  Afterward, they realized her mom was coming home soon and the house reeked of sex.  They decided to mask the smell by making a batch of chocolate chip cookies!  From then on, whenever they wanted to get gigi wit' it, they got a chuckle out of saying, "Let's go make some cookies!"

"She liked to do the Wild Thing!"

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you REALLY know what you want in a partner?

I meet all types of single people within the community.  Attractive, educated, older, clumsy, sophisticated, energetic, bitter, eager, spiritual, name it, and I’ve met ‘em!  A common notable theme amongst my clients, members of my database, friends and just the general tri-state single population, is that most people who want to find love, have no idea what it is they truly want in a partner!

Sure, most people claim to know what they’re looking for as they prattle off the prototypical check-list, “He needs to be good looking, successful, tall and funny.  I prefer a guy who’s been married before and knows what that’s like.  He needs to be established and career minded.  He also must love kids; he either has his own or he’s accepting of mine.  He needs to be emotionally available and to want a serious relationship that will possibly lead to marriage.”

Men; I can quote them verbatim, “First thing’s first, she’s GOT to be attractive.  I mean, c’mon I have to be physically attracted to someone.  And she needs to be fit because it’s important to me that she take good care of herself and cares about her physical fitness.  She should be relatively intelligent; I have to be able to have a decent conversation with her for God’s sakes!  Other than that, I just want someone who has no baggage, who wants to share their life with me and who doesn’t just want someone for their money.  I’m a pretty simple guy!” 

Yes, we can all do the characteristic check-list exercise denoting what looks good on paper.  But the one thing many people are missing is the next step, visualization.  What does that loving, monogamous, fulfilling relationship look like on a day to day basis?  Do you have similar interests?  Do you see one another every day, every other day, only on the weekends?  Are you two social together or do you see friends separately?  Are you affectionate with one another?  Do you have similar careers or completely different vocations?

Further, once you can envision what your romantic relationship looks like, it’s then important to ask yourself if you have the skills to create and maintain that relationship.  Are you emotionally ready and/or available for someone with needs’ of their own?  Is there room in your life for such a partner?  Are you currently dating for just social interaction or are you going on dates to find a long term relationship?

Take, for example, one of my clients whom I introduced to a gentleman she was seeing for a couple months.  The relationship was coasting along nicely with romantic dinners, evening phone calls, movies on Sunday afternoons and mid-day lunches.  One night as he was driving her home from their dinner date, he turned to her and asked, “So, what’s going on with us?  Where do you see our relationship going?” 

Like a deer caught in the headlights, she was mortified when she came up short for an answer and found herself saying, “I don’t know.”  He told her that he really liked her, enjoyed spending time with her and wanted to take things to the next level by being exclusive with one another.  Ignoring her intuitive feelings that told her differently, she acquiesced to being exclusive with him, in fear that perhaps he was the only guy that would ever come around.  Ultimately the relationship ended when it became obvious to the both of them that their feelings for one another weren’t mutual.  My client inevitably realized the importance of self awareness and taking the time to learn what she was really looking for in a partner.

If you are out there, randomly dating and have yet to explicitly define what it is you want in a relationship, it’s like going to a 31-flavors Baskin & Robbins store and telling the server to pick the ice cream flavor out for you.  This person has no idea who you are, what your favorite flavor is, if you prefer ice cream with or without nuts, if you’re allergic to any ingredients, if you’re traumatized from a bad childhood episode with spumoni ice cream, etc. 

Even though I’m not a big proponent of online dating, a terrific exercise to do is to go to one of the many dating sites on the Internet, print out a profile form and fill it out in great detail.  This not only gives you some insight as to what you’re looking for, but helps to create a dating roadmap, if you will.  You will be better able to determine some of your past relationship choices, things you would like to change in your current dating patterns, and where you would ultimately like to end up.

After suggesting this exercise to my client, she completed a profile form on and was astounded to realize that due to her recent divorce, she wasn’t even ready for a serious, monogamous relationship just yet.  It finally occurred to her, that she hadn’t fully grieved the end of her 17 year marriage and that she had some healing of her own to do before she could expect anyone else to meet her needs.  She knew she needed to make a choice:  either to continue dating casually while remaining open and honest with her dates or take a dating hiatus while focusing on herself and her own personal goals. 

While my client opted to take a small break from dating, it wasn’t long before she became more aware of what she was looking for and got back on the dating horse with a clearer vision.  As I remind many of my perplexed clients, “You are receiving confusing results in your love life, because you are confused as to what you really want.”  So go for it, you deserve it!  Order up that overloaded, triple scoop, ice cream fudge sundae in a mate!  It may not be made 100% to perfection, but it will be the best dang sundae you ever tasted because you envisioned it and asked for it!  And who cares that you gained a couple extra pounds, you were meaning to throw out those tired old skinny jeans anyways!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Question of the Day: Have you ever been with someone but jealous of another couple's relationship?

Don't you find that when you're out with a bunch of couples, there's always the one couple that just don't see eye-to-eye?  Or they don't seem to connect like a romantic duo?  Or they bicker and argue in front of everyone causing nervous laughter amongst the gang?  And then lo and behold, usually one or both partners starts having private conversations with the other couples saying that they wished their partner were more like so and so, or admitted to wanting a similar connection as another couple...

Maybe it's just human nature to always compare, but I know that I have been on both sides of the equation.  I've dated (and been married to) men that I felt unsatisfied with and envied other couples, and I've had miserable friends confide in me that they wished their mate treated me as well as mine did.  My personal experience has led me to the conclusion that if you're with someone and wanting something else and you're comparing what others have, your instincts are trying to tell you something.  Maybe you're no longer in love, or your needs aren't being met.  Perhaps you're unsatisfied or feeling emotionally neglected?  Or simply, perhaps you're just choosing to not be happy and content?

Either way, if you're finding you're comparing your romantic relationship to others, perhaps the time has come to make some changes within yourself or in your relationship.  With that, I'll close with this amazing quote by Gerald Jampolsky - "Love is the total absence of fear. Love asks no questions. Its natural state is one of extension and expansion, not comparison and measurement."

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Question of the Day: Would you rather go on a first date in extreme heat or severe cold weather?

I love the heat, but if said first date was with someone I was totally into, I'd have to probably pick the cold weather.  Not only would a hottie on my arm help to warm me up both inside and out, it'd give me something to offset the misery of the winter blues.  And the winter season needs all the help it can get to score points in my book!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Question of the Day: What is the worst conversation starter you've overheard or used yourself?

I was in line at the Wawa the other day when I heard the guy behind me make a comment about the silly bands I was wearing on  my wrist.  What was endearing at first ("Oh, I see you have on silly bands just like the kids are wearing these days.") soon became annoying ("Yah, now all the adults are going around wearing them.") which inevitably led to infuriating ("Yah...uh...and...umm...I'm sure all the kids in the neighborhood make fun of you, huh?  They probably tell you you're too old to wear them, huh?").  What?  Was this clown for real?  I mean, overzealousness has gotten the better of most of us, but this guy just didn't know when to stop. 

I feel that a conversation starter can never fail if it begins with a compliment or a self-deprecating and charming remark.  And fellas never, I mean never, refer to a woman's age or weight when initiating a conversation as it will more likely than not, always end poorly!  On the flip side, ladies, you're probably better off not referencing a guy's height or bald spot when you start up a convo!  Which brings me to my next question:  whatever happened to, "Hi.  Are you single?  Would you like to grab a drink sometime?" 

Let's face it, both men and women like confidence in the opposite sex, so when nerves get the better of you, you're better off leading with the truth; why you're really striking up a conversation.  Really, what have you got to lose?  Certainly not a foot imbedded in your mouth!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Question of the Day: You're head over heels in love with someone; however, they want to have a baby and you don't/can't. What do you do?

I recently received a call from a new client who was telling me about his past dating experiences.  After he got divorced he fell in love with a beautiful, smart and engaging woman with whom he could see spending the rest of his life.  They had a lovely and intense romantic relationship for many months.  He said the problems began when she admitted to him that as a motherless woman, she wanted to have a baby sometime in the near future. 

Only issue was, he had had a vasectomy after his last child was born, so this would be an impossible feat for the two of them.  After weeks and weeks of her pleading to have his vasectomy reversed and him refusing, they both realized it was probably best they go their separate ways so that she could find someone who could fulfill her wishes. 

Today with more women in the workforce, having high pressure careers and holding off on having a family, I seem to hear stories like this more often than not.  On the flip side, I also hear from older divorced single women who date younger men that want to have babies, and they don't.  I guess my feeling is, if something is meant to be in your life, it will be and any problem or concern won't be too big to overcome.  I wouldn't be surprised if both my client and his former flame look back and realize, it was definitely for the best they split up.  Like my girlfriend always says, "Sometimes the universe does for us, what we can't do for ourselves."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Question of the Day: Have you ever started falling for someone, only to realize you wanted to get back with your ex?

Okay, I admit it, this question was triggered from last night's episode of "The Bachelorette."  Ali, the bachelorette, had narrowed her search down to three great guys.  The one man it was obvious she was completely falling for, Frank, told her he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend and that he needed to go back to her.  He said it was when he was falling for Ali that he began thinking about his ex constantly.  So, at that, he left America's newest sweetheart lovelorn and bereft to go back home and rekindle the spark with his last flame.

Oh dear Frank!  Put your seatbelt on, it's going to be a bumpy 15 minutes!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Question of the Day: Is it possible to have both love and a successful career?

This question comes from a young woman in her 20's who claims to be having a difficult time dating men in her age bracket.  She says that guys her age are career focused and, while she too is ambitious, would choose love over her career.  This question prompted me to look into this further.  I found a really interesting article by the editor of Elle magazine (March 30, 2009) who commissioned an online survey of 2,000 women about to turn 30 (currently coined "Generation Me.")  What she found surprised her!  In brief, these are some discoveries she made:

  • 70% of women in their 30's now prioritize a relationship over their careers
  • 80% believe 30 is the perfect age to get married or engaged
  • 43% believe 30 is the best age to have a baby
  • 59% feel more confident, even taking into account economic climate
  • 55% expect to become more financially stable in the coming months
  • 47% believe the #1 way to spend an evening is at home with their partner
  • 48% of women aged 30+ believe they've never looked better
  • 47% of the women surveyed have savings
  • 52% plan to drink less alcohol in their 30's

Friday, July 16, 2010

Question of the Day: Whoopsies!! Have you ever accidentally texted the wrong date/lover?

I have a girlfriend who was meeting a date out for some drinks when she received a text from him, giving this long winded, detailed explanation about why he was unable to meet for the date.  She was a little bummed but decided, "Oh well.  What the hell?  I'm  here, might as well get a drink anyways!"  As her drink arrived, so did her date, looking clean, dapper and nothing like the disheveled texting guy who made claims about some work emergency that had gotten him all riled up.  He greeted her with a big smile and a warm hug and asked how her day was.  

As he sat down, it finally dawned on her that the text wasn't meant for her.  He ordered a drink and she excused herself to answer a faux text message on her phone.  She then forwarded his original text back to him saying, "I don't think this was meant for me?"  As he went to take a sip from his beer, he realized he, too, had a text message he needed to tend do.  She said after reading it, she'd never seen a man turn so many different shades of red in her life!  Well, I give her credit, she was big enough to laugh with him about it and make light of this very awkward situation!  I tell ya, it would have served him right if she'd gotten up after he arrived and said, "That's too bad.  Well, now you can go meet your other date and she'll never know you blew her off!"

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you think Facebook and other social media sites are a tool for adultery?

Social media sites like Facebook and Myspace are ubiquitous today and it seems, everywhere you turn, people are talking about these sites and what they recently saw or read on them.  In the dating world, I've definitely noticed a difference in how people interact and engage in relationships as a result of Facebook; however, I don't blame these sites for cheating.  Do they make it easier?  Yes.  Do they make adultery happen at a sooner rate?  Probably.  But I believe that if there were problems in the relationship to begin with, social media sites probably just spur them on sooner rather than later.

CNN Article on Facebook and cheating...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Question of the Day: The second season of ABC's show "Dating in the Dark" premiers August 9th. Would you ever do something like this?

This concept fascinates me!  What is "Dating in the Dark?"  It's a reality show on ABC (Season 2 premieres August 9th!) where couples meet and bond in the dark and share intimate moments with a person they believe they have connected with.  However, these feelings are either forgotten or magnified when they are eventually revealed to the other person.  The couples must then decide if they want to pursue the relationship by meeting the other person in a neutral space.

Heck, I'm all for it!  I think it's a really cool idea; and what an eye opening experience for anyone whose single!  I've always been a big believer in being attracted to someone for their soul, personality and brains.  Don't get me wrong, looks do serve a purpose and it is important to be physically attracted to your mate, but I don't believe they sustain a relationship.  Afterall as Judge Judy claims, "Looks fade.  Dumb is forever!"

Hmmm...I'm wondering for myself, though, what I would do if I really connected intimately with this person and then, once the room illuminated, I was horrified?  I would love more than anything to say,  "Sure!  If he was amazing on all other fronts I could get past his looks," but I just don't know.  It'd be an interesting case study to see which sex ends up in a sustainable relationship more often, with a partner that they weren't physically attracted to, once the lights came on.  Do you think men who aren't physically attracted to their dating counterparts or vice versa, would win out?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Question of the Day: When it comes to dating, are you more like Carrie (The Constant Victim), Miranda (The Pessimist), Charlotte (The Picky Perfectionist), Samantha (The Commitment-phobe)?

Gosh, when I really think about it, I've been each of these characters in my dating life, at what point or another. The Sex & the City characters, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda, are good examples of women who dealt with self-sabotaging dating patterns.  Each dating pattern reflects specific love relationship challenges that many single people face.

Carrie - For the most part, Carrie tended to settle for crumbs throughout her dating life.  She accepted seductive and inconsistent treatment from a guy who was ultimately out of her reach and afraid of commitment (Mr. Big).  She also found herself in relationships where she was put second to his career or other women (Russian artist, Aleksandr Petrovsky).  Then, when she did find a man who truly loved her, she ended up cheating on him and pushing him away in order to reclaim her victim status (Aidan).  Do you have thoughts that you don't deserve a relationship in which you come first?

Miranda - I'm referring to Miranda as "The Pessimist" because although she was always afraid of being alone, she remained pessimistic about finding a great guy.  She would end up dating men that she felt were beneath her or only became interested in them once they left her (Steve).  Do you have a low self-image and tend to think that you can't compete with others for a really great mate?

Charlotte -  Fussy and a perfectionist.  Hell, she almost passed on Harry Goldenblatt, a man who was good husband material but balding & unpolished.  Remember the time she refused to go to a beach party with him unless he waxed his back?  She was also judgmental and constricted about sexuality.  Do you tend to be self critical in nature and perhaps judge anyone who would want you as "not good enough?"

Samantha - She was endlessly claiming she didn't want a monogamous relationship, would leave lovers for no apparent reason, and was extremely fearful of intimacy (Smith holding her hand in public).  The thought of commitment was terrifying to her.  Do you feel you might have an underlying need to be claimed, almost against your will?

So, which "Sex and the City" character do you mostly identify with?  True, these types are not mutually exclusive, but if you had to narrow your style down to one, who would you choose?  Well, it's not surprising to me that I identify with the woman whom I not only share a name, but date the same men and have similar relationships.  (As I sit at my laptop writing a blog and complaining about it!  Oy, I need a hobby!)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you think its possible to find "the one" while involved with Mr./Ms. "Right Now?"

I have more client interviews than I can shake a stick at, with people either in an unsatisfying relationship or still in-love with someone else, in the hopes of hiring me to find their future soul mate.  I feel like a broken record when I hear myself proclaim, "You need to grieve your last relationship first before you can allow in love!"  Or, "You can't meet Mr. Right when Mr. Right Now is still in the picture!"  

But, people are stubborn and many believe that there's an easy route to finding love.  They figure they'll make sure someone is always around or that their next partner is going to get them over their last love.  What they don't realize is, they're not only hindering the process of finding love, they're actually carrying on old patterns that will follow them into their new relationship and, ultimately, lead to similar unsuccessful results.  You've heard the saying, "If you keep doing what you've always done, you will keep getting what you always got."

So, before you consider looking for your next soul mate, ask yourself, "Can I walk away from who I'm with now, with no emotional response, in order to fulfill my wish of finding love?"  If you can honestly answer this question "Yes," then chances are you're emotionally ready to begin your search for your next partner.  If, however, you hurt or ache for a former romantic interest, think about how unfair it is not only to yourself, but to an innocent bystander, entering into something only half present.  If you refuse to take a time-out, lick your wounds, dote on yourself, and allow yourself to grieve, you are delaying your happiness and actually complicating your life.  And in this face-paced, Internet-crazed world we now live in, isn't nice to slow down and simplify things once in awhile?

LOOK WHO'S TALKING: Kari Adams, owner of the Princeton Elite Club - The Trentonian News: Serving Trenton and surrounding communities. (

LOOK WHO'S TALKING: Kari Adams, owner of the Princeton Elite Club - The Trentonian News: Serving Trenton and surrounding communities. (

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Question of the Day: Are old thought patterns or behaviors hindering your success in the dating world?

I hear the following all too often, "There are no good men out there!", "Where have all the nice women gone?", "All good men are either gay or married!", "I've seen what's out there and it's grim!"  If you have similar thoughts about your dating experiences, then let today's blog serve as your Dating Public Service Announcement, because I'm here to tell you different!  If you want to have better luck with dating, the very first thing that you must change is your "us against them" attitude! 

When I'm out with friends or speaking with clients, I often hear how people tend to hold onto past experiences and create grandiose stories about the opposite sex, making those thoughts a reality.  If you want to see changes in your romantic life, I implore you to distance yourself from anybody who encourages those negative thoughts because they are only hindering your emotional growth and development!  Even if personal experience has led you to believe that "all the good ones are taken" or what-have-you, never never never give up hope that your Mr. or Ms. Right is right around the corner! 

All you can do in this lifetime, regardless of the situation, is put yourself in a positive mindset in order to set yourself up for success and happiness.  The day you give up hope that "the one" just isn't out there for you, life has begun to pass you by.  With a limited amount of days left on this Earth, you do not have the time to waste sulking in your own self pity.  Afterall, to quote the enlightened Ms. Shirley McClaine, "Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power."

Okay, I admit it, its easy to become discouraged when it comes to the dating world.  This is especially true when a relationship has ended that you were really hopeful would work out.  The first thought is often, "I'm never going to find anybody as good as them."  But honestly, if you think about it, until you met them, you didn't know a person like them existed.  It may feel like a huge stretch, especially if you're currently grieving, but its important to remember that there is someone better out there for you.  And by you disallowing that thought you are only resisting your own happiness.  So why not think positively about your future?  It doesn't cost you anything, people will enjoy being around you more and it sure feels a whole lot better!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Question of the Day: Have you gone on an online date only to find out they were married?

A few years ago, MSNBC reported that a study found that up to 30% of people using online dating services are married!  What's more, many of them will go as far as to meet someone face-t0-face!  Good God that's a lot of philandering!  While I can't say I've personally experienced this, I have met my fair share of duplicitous married creeps out there!  And what blows me away is how blase the majority of them act when called on the fact that they're already spoken for!

I will never forget when a couple years ago I was out on the town with some girlfriends and I met, what seemed to be, a very nice gentleman.  He invited me and my friends to sit down and have dinner with him and when the evening ended, we exchanged numbers.  I found myself anticipating his phone call.  When he did call, we made arrangements to meet and go out to dinner a few nights later.

I met him at a quaint little boathouse bar for a pre-dinner cocktail.  When the conversation started flowing, I began to get an intuitive feeling that something just wasn't quite right.  Finally it dawned on me and I grimly asked, "Are you married?"  His deer-caught-in-the-headlights look gave way to what I was presupposing.  He answered with, "I'm married, but let me explain.  It's a bad marriage."  Ha!  Save it for someone who'll buy it you buffoon!

The more I sat and listened to his tale, the more angry I became.  I had arranged for child-care, drove a half hour out of my way, wasted precious time I could have been spending with my children getting ready for this ridiculous dog and pony show and would now be faced with nothing to do!  The more I dug my heels in, the more he pleaded with me to just have dinner with him.  When I told him I was going to go, he continued with his pleas telling me he had money, I would be spoiled, he could introduce me to some of his "well connected" friends, etc.  He then turned the tables and said, "Well, I figured you'd have 9,000 boyfriends and having something casual would be no big deal."  That's when I went off and said, "You know how many boyfriends I have?  Zero!  Because I'm holding out for the right one!  And I deserve better than to be treated like someone's part-time prostitute so they can parade me around town when they see fit!  I'm sure your marriage is crap because half of the equation is a selfish, lying, cheating SOB!"
Whew!  I digress!  The fact that I have met many married men out at restaurants and bars posing as available, makes me only imagine how many online married predators there must be out there, as they they hide behind their computer screens making up elaborate stories.  And make no mistake about it, I include married women in that category as well as I've heard many stories about chat-room dalliances women tend to get involved in.  Well, with modern technology and readily available sex partners, the cyber-affair doesn't seem like a trend that will slow anytime soon.  Hrrmphh.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Question of the Day: When it comes to little white lies, who do you stretch the truth with the most? Your family? Your S/O? Your friends?

"Nothing’s wrong, I'm fine."
"It's all good!"
"No. It's fine."
Yep, I admit it.  Untrue verbiage I've been known to express.  Looking back I think, "What was the point in that?"  I mean, why didn't I just come clean and spill it?  Did I really think I was doing my current mate or myself any good in concealing what was really bothering me?  Did I think he was going to up and run off if I did come forth and assert my true feelings?  And if he did, wouldn't he have been doing me a favor in the long run?

Ah, the lies we tell.  In May CNN reported that researchers in London tried to get to the bottom of this by asking around 3,000 Brits about their sweet little lies. They found that while men lie more than women (most reported up to three times a day!), women are more effective fibbers. What’s more, most surveyed believed that women are better at catching someone telling a lie. 

The men who participated in the survey admitted that they fib most about drinking; they don’t exactly come clean about how much booze they’ve chugged.  Meanwhile, women polled for the study shared they don’t always tell the truth when asked if something is wrong.

Do you have any foolproof methods for determining if someone is lying?  And, do you agree with the surveys findings? 

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Question of the Day: What's the most awkward or embarrassing moment you've had on a first date?

I will never forget this story I saw on the Jay Leno show a couple years ago.  Apparently Jay was giving away a big prize to whichever audience member had the most embarrassing first date story.  The winner was a woman from Salt Lake City Utah.  She said it was midwinter, snowing and quite cold and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains for the day - not overnight.  (They were strangers, after all, and had never met before.)  The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte...

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere when she realized her urge to go could not be ignored!  Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for awhile but, unfortunately, there just came a point that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or else it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started to relieve herself.  

Well, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.  Her date stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.  All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation.  As she bent to pull up her pants, the woman discovered her butt cheeks were firmly glued against the car's fender.  Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. 

It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold!  Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about  'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She, too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. 

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!  Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.  So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be "pants down."  And you thought your first date was embarrassing?  Could you even imagine??   Jay Leno's comment..."This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off."  Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show! :-)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Question of the Day: What is the lowest thing someone did to break-up with you?

I was in high school and in love.  I thought my boyfriend and I would be together forever.  Ahhhh, first loves!  We had a ritual of riding the bus home every day together and kissing when he reached his stop.  This particular day, I will never forget it was a Monday bus ride, because the weekend had just passed and I hadn't seen him so I was more excited than usual to be next to him.  On cue, as we approached his stop, he leaned in for the kiss and as he stretched his neck sideways, I saw it there peeking out of his collared raised shirt - a hickey!  

My look of utter shock gave away his failed camouflage attempt.  He looked at me with a mixture of shame, sadness and resolve and as the bus doors were closing he blurted out, "I don't think this is gonna work."  And there I sat weeping my eyes out amongst a busload of strangers as I experienced my first heartbreak.  It wouldn't be the last time it broke, but it would be amongst the most memorable of low down & dirty ways I got dumped.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Question of the Day: What is the best way to end a really bad first date?

I've heard some pretty bad horror stories of people ending bad first dates and, while inventive, not something I would likely model.  One guy told me that when his date walked into the bar looking nothing like her online profile picture and she approached him, he denied that he was her date!  Poor woman was left totally dumbfounded!  

Another woman I know excused herself to the ladies room where she called her sister who happened to live in an apartment above the restaurant.  She told her sister to come down post haste and then went back to the table.  When she saw her sister enter the bar area, she said to her date, "Hey!  There's my sister!  What's she doing here?"  And proceeded to invite her to sit down and eat with them.  Ha...three's a crowd I guess!  

I can't wait to hear some of the ingenious excuses everyone shares (i.e., fake stories that involve emergency situations, sudden bouts of feigned sickness, etc.)  Or perhaps you've been on the other side of this equation.  What did your date say or do to prematurely call it a night?  If nothing else, you'll get a good chuckle and know you aren't the only person out there whose experienced horrific first date nightmares!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you think men enjoy being asked out by a woman?

While I tend to be more of a traditional gal myself, I do find it admirable and commendable when a woman takes the bull by the horns and asks a man out.  Heck, my step-mom had enough courage to ask my dad to marry her!  Talk about chutzpa!  But really, I think in this day and age its perfectly acceptable and noble for women to ask men out that they would like to date.  After all, if we want equal treatment and pay in the workforce, shouldn't that also adhere to the dating world as well?  And if its a wanted invite, I think most men are flattered and get a rush by a woman asking them out.  Now here's the interesting question this spurs:  If a woman asks a guy out, who picks up the tab?

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Question of the Day: What topping do you put on your hotdog?

Some women use astrology to help decipher whether a man's worth their time while others, well, they use hot dogs!  Do you remember "The Bachelor" contestant Jillian from a few years ago?  She introduced Jason to her theory that what a man puts on his hot dog reveals what kind of man he is.

Here are a few of the love lessons gleaned from Jillian:

1.  Ketchup:  A ketchup guy is a good ol' All-American guy who probably is not a huge risk-taker. 
2.  Sauerkraut:  A sauerkraut guy is the quintessential  "bad boy" all women think they want. 
3.  Onion:  An onion guy will never marry (due to onion breath, perhaps?). 
4.  Mustard:  The man all women ultimately want to marry is the mustard man.
(FYI...Jason chose mustard!  And while he did eventually go on to marry, it would not be Jillian he chose to eventually tie-the-knot with!) 

Hmmm....I think tonight I'll be lookin' extra close at what those hotties at the BBQ will be sportin' on their dogs!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Question of the Day: What do you think about partners who "check out" other people when they are with their S/O's?

If I'm being honest, I have a real aversion to guys that do this when I'm on their arm.  I find it insulting and disrespectful no matter their contentions that they have the right to "window shop!"  Granted, it's human nature to be attracted to different people and your significant other will not be the last person on Earth you will ever have eyes for, but don't do it right in front of your dates for Godsakes!  Some people justify their mates' wandering eyes by saying, "It's fine because they're going home with me," but I believe this is a defense mechanism and their way of reconciling what honestly bothers them, in their own minds.  When I'm with someone, even though realistically I know I won't be the last person he will ever desire, a real man is one that makes me feel as though I'm the only woman in the room.  I'm the only woman in his world worth doting on.  Not only will he be going home with me at the end of the night, but his undivided and loyal attention will be much better appreciated when we do get home!  :-)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Question of the Day: Why do people ask for a phone number and then not call?

One time I was in a bar talking to a really pretty bartender.  I commented on her beauty and suggested that she must get hit on all the time by patrons.  She said that she's now at the point where when a man asks for her number she refuses to give it to him, no matter how much she's interested.  I asked her why and she said, "Because I'm sick of giving out my number, getting my hopes up and then never getting a call.  I figure, if he's that interested, he knows where I work and he'll figure out how to get a hold of me!"

Wow!  I was totally shocked that someone so attractive experiences rejection on any level.  It begs the question, "Why take a phone number if you have no intention of calling?"  My first inclination is to say probably because they're involved with someone else and, while the liquor was flowing, it seemed like a good idea at the time.  But then once sober and in the light of day, realized they'd made a mistake.  Or perhaps her beauty was intimidating to these men?  Beats me, but I hear about this complaint often from both genders.  I just don't get it!  Why ask for someone's business card if you have no inclination of using it?