Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Question of the Day: You're head over heels in love with someone; however, they want to have a baby and you don't/can't. What do you do?

I recently received a call from a new client who was telling me about his past dating experiences.  After he got divorced he fell in love with a beautiful, smart and engaging woman with whom he could see spending the rest of his life.  They had a lovely and intense romantic relationship for many months.  He said the problems began when she admitted to him that as a motherless woman, she wanted to have a baby sometime in the near future. 

Only issue was, he had had a vasectomy after his last child was born, so this would be an impossible feat for the two of them.  After weeks and weeks of her pleading to have his vasectomy reversed and him refusing, they both realized it was probably best they go their separate ways so that she could find someone who could fulfill her wishes. 

Today with more women in the workforce, having high pressure careers and holding off on having a family, I seem to hear stories like this more often than not.  On the flip side, I also hear from older divorced single women who date younger men that want to have babies, and they don't.  I guess my feeling is, if something is meant to be in your life, it will be and any problem or concern won't be too big to overcome.  I wouldn't be surprised if both my client and his former flame look back and realize, it was definitely for the best they split up.  Like my girlfriend always says, "Sometimes the universe does for us, what we can't do for ourselves."


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  2. This was an issue and crushing blow in my last serious relationship. I had a vasectomy at the request of my ex-wife. Being young you kind of figured marriage is forever, so why not? I had two kids already but desperatly wanted a third, and a boy to even out the odds. We got divorced, I met a few people and....blamo... head over heels in love, deeper than ever, with another woman. She had one child and wanted more. I couldnt deliver. It had been over 10 years since my vasectomy and the odds were against a reversal that would cost $5,000+ that would have a 5% chance of being successful. Not good odds already being 38 at the time. As I said it was one of the crushing blows that ended the engagement and relationship and broke my heart. I found the one person I thought was perfect for me and me for her. It snowballed in to disputes about BS when the heart of the matter lied squarly on the vasectomies head. No pun intended. We stil talk and see each other on occassion but it will never be what it once was, and once, it was perfect. Such is life.