Thursday, September 30, 2010

Question of the Day: Who do you think gets more action: cheerleaders or band geeks?

Being a former high school cheerleader myself, I would have originally said, for sure the rah-rahs get all the action; however, after being in the singles scene for sometime now and hearing the myriad stories, i'm definitely changing my vote.  Man, I hear some crazy stories from former band members and those kids had some serious freaky-deaky action goin' on!  Who knew??

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Question of the Day: Have you ever accidentally called someone on your cell while in a "hot" moment with someone else?

I was listening to my favorite morning talk show this morning on the radio and bursted out laughing when a caller revealed her totally embarrassing sex story.  She said after a very hot love-making session with her boyfriend, she looked down and realized her phone was on the bed the entire time.  When she picked it up and looked at it, she realized she accidentally "butt dialed" her son's teacher twice while they were having sex!  O-M-G!!!  Could you die?? And what's worse, supposedly Ms. Roberts answered and hung up each time! 

Thank goodness I've yet to make an unplanned phone call during a passionate moment, but I have been known to fall asleep with my phone in my bed and accidentally dial my step-dad.  Phew...luckily I sleep alone!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you have a "Sexual Bucket List?"

This morning as I dropped my son off at school, I sat there amazed as I watched him strut through the main doors looking like such a big kid.  How is it that my baby boy is already in the third grade and where the hell did the time go?!  As I drove home, I had a very philosophical conversation with myself about the meaning of life, how it was so short and that I needed to live every day in the moment.  I was reminded of the movie "The Bucket List", where the characters portrayed by Jack Nicholson and Samuel L. Jackson who were hospital roomies, each created a list of all the things they wanted to do before they died. 

Since I'm always thinking in terms of dating, dating stories and relationships, it suddenly occured to me that there's probably a large population of people out there that, although may not consciously know and/or admit it, have a "sexual bucket list."  I mean, c'mon, the porn and adult industry doesn't stay lucrative because people don't have fantasies they'd like to see realized.  I'd be willing to put money on  it, that if given an assignment to create a "sexual bucket list" where no limitations, restrictions or taboos existed, people would be writing up some freaky-deaky stuff!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Question of the Day: Have you ever been banned from a public establishment while on a date?

I don't think I've ever actually been "banned" per se from a public venue with someone(unless someone out there knows differently; it has been a crazy past few years!), but a couple years ago I had an embarrassing experience with my boyfriend at the time.  One day he called me up and spontaneously said, "I have the day off, let's meet for lunch".  He lived about an hour away from me, so we met mid-way at this biker dive bar/restaurant. 

We were so excited to be with one another during the day as it was a rarity due to our work/kids' schedules, that we literally couldn't keep our hands off each other.  We'd talk, then hug, eat a little, then kiss, take a sip of our beer, canoodle, etc.  After our meal, we literally couldn't stop staring into each others' eyes and ended up in a full-blown make-out session for a good 10 minutes. 

It was at this point that the manager came over, tapped my boyfriend on the shoulder and said, "Umm, excuse me sir, you guys gotta stop this.  We have children at this establishment and it's just not appropriate."  I was so mortified, I slunk down into my boyfriend's chest and hung my head until everyone stopped staring.  When it was time to go, he walked me to my car and said, "You know, I looked around and there were no kids in there.  What happened was a group of single women came in, sat at the bar and complained."  I told him that was silly and asked why they would even care about our PDA and he said, "Jealousy!  They were ugly and alone!"

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Question of the Day: Not including speed dating, how long did your quickest first date last?

Well, I'm not sure if I would consider this a date or not, but I onetime met a really cute guy in the Philadelphia airport while my filght to Florida was delayed.  I decided to get a quick drink at the bar and pulled up a stool right next to him.  My flight was leaving in about 30 minutes; his in an hour.  We sat, talked and laughed a lot within that short half hour.  The chemistry was definitely there and when it was time to go, he chivalrously closed the tab and walked me to my gate. 

As we were waiting for the airline staff to announce my plane's general boarding, he looked sheepishly at me (and I at him) and said, "I know this is really weird, but I'm feeling like I want to kiss you.  Is that odd?"  I giddily told him I felt the same way!  So, lo and behold we found ourselves, perfect strangers in our own right, making out in front of loads of other strangers loitering in the waiting area!  I think it was at that moment when I realized that divorce definitely had some merits, and that it was going to be an opportune time to do some really fun things that I always fantasized about!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Question of the Day: Is it a turn off when your S.O. doesn't know the difference between a touchdown and a homerun?

What can I say?  I'm not the biggest sports fan and have been known to put my foot in my mouth while stupidly pretending to talk the lingo.  If you're a big sports fan, is it a huge turn-off for you when your mate asks you something silly like, "How many yards do you need for a first down?  Okay, so 10 yards?  Then how many times do you get to keep doing that till you get to the end zone?"

While I love playing and watching tennis, I have trouble faking an interest in any major league sport like football, baseball or basketball; let alone memorizing all those crazy stats!  Yeesh, I have trouble enough getting through helping my daughter with her 5th grade math homework and trying to regurgitate from my old brain, the difference between a prime and composite number!!  Whose got time for Sports Center?  

So, I digress, do sports fans find this annoying in a mate?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Question of the Day: What is a common annoying habit when out with someone of the opposite sex?

Oh boy, I think I've opened up a can of worms with this one, but what the hell?  The thing that irritates me the most about some guys is if we happen to be on a date, and they leer (I'm talking, whip-lash-head-turning action) at anything walking by in a skirt.  That's just downright disrespectful.  I understand its human nature, but can't you be a bit more subtle? Another pet peeve I have is when I'm in a car with my date who obviously suffers from acute road rage syndrome, and shouts out profanities at any given granny because, God forbid, she isn't clearing a path for Mr. Almighty!  I mean, does it really matter if we get to the restaurant at 6:03 versus 6:00?

And don't get be wrong, I am not dude bashing here, as I'm an equal opportunity annoying habit critic!  I've seen women do some things that put my gender to shame and make me embarrassed to be part of the estrogen club!  Girls, for the love of God, when on a date, I don't care if you have to duct tape your mouth shut, quit the incessant talk about nothingness.  Guys really don't give a crap about the recent argument you had with your girlfriend over buying the same dress, the minutia of horoscope signs and which ones make great couplings or what you found so offensive about the last episode of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey!"  I mean really!!  Sometimes, silence is golden!  Or better yet, pick up a New York Times before a date and bring something interesting to discuss.

Alright, I feel better.  Your turn...

Monday, September 20, 2010

Question of the Day: When it comes to dating, do you have any odd deal breakers?

When I logged onto Facebook this morning I received a message from a random guy (not even a friend) who said that, while he thought I had a nice body, the freckles on my chest were an absolute deal breaker.  Really?  Freckles on a chest?  Do most guys find this unattractive on a woman?  And then, it got me thinking...I wonder if a lot of other people have deal breakers that are unorthodox or perhaps shallow, shall we say? 

Aside from the obvious ones (drugs, physical/verbal abuse, legal problems, cheating, etc.) I personally would hate to be limited by any unconventional deal breakers that could hold me back from potentially meeting a great person.  Let's face it, we have a lot of weeding to do given the amount of freaks, losers and jerks out there, before finding the ones worth our time!  Why add more restrictions on yourself by having silly requirements or demands?

Friday, September 17, 2010

Question of the Day: Girls, how do you pose the question, "Do you only want me for sex?" And guys, how do you respond to this?

I just got off the phone with a male friend of mine and we were having a discussion on this topic.  We were contemplating whether or not the "90 day rule" (before having sex with a new partner) is at all realistic these days.  He claimed that it's absolutely not and that if a woman thinks she can have her new man wait it out, "He's either a total loser or he's getting it from somewhere else."  While I don't hold quite as staunch opinion as my friend, I do concur that waiting for a full three months before having sex with someone you're dating, really is not realistic in the fast paced times in which we're living.

My friend then went on to say, "And don't ask us guys Do you only want me for sex?, because you're not really going to like the answer."  When I challenged him on this and told him that its a girl thing and we do need reassurance that you like us for who we are and not just for the sex, he replied, "It's a part of why we keep you around.  If we're in a relationship with you, then obviously there's an emotional connection there and we like to have regular sex.  If we didn't care about the relationship, we'd just go get it from bimbos and strippers on a regular basis without all the work involved to cultivate a relationship!"

Hmmm...interesting.  You know girls, if you don't have one, I strongly encourage you to go out and get a great guy pal who will tell you everything you wanted to know that your current partner's too afraid to tell you.  It can be quite enlightening!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Question of the Day: How many states have you done "it" in?

Okay, I'm cheating here a bit as I just heard this question on the radio while I was on my way to Barnes & Noble.  Let's see....Louisiana, California, Arizona, Colorado, New Puerto Rico a state?  Well, I could go on and on but I have things to do today.  (What can I say, my ex liked to move and travel a lot!)

Bet all you truck drivers and military folks out there can boast some serious numbers...

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Question of the Day: What is the strangest thing that's happened to you on a first date?

Ha!  I got the greatest message from a fellow member yesterday telling me a crazy first state story.  This is what he wrote:

So this woman and I decide for a first date that we are going to get sushi.  Now, i know that people are picky when it comes to sushi so I made sure this is DEFINITELY cool with her, and she assured me she was fine with it.  There's a place called U-Yee Sushi in Woodbridge and we decide that we are going to meet there. So we get there, order a drink and sit down to eat.  As we look at the menu, I asked her if she wanted to order a bunch of different rolls and we can just try different stuff, or if she wanted to order her own and I would get mine.  She says, "Just order a bunch of stuff and we will feast!"  Then she excuses herself to go to the ladies room.  

In the meantime, I order, we get our soups, then our salads and she's still not back.  TWENTY minutes goes by and still shes M.I.A.!  I start eating my soup and honestly just thought she had bailed and I was going to have to eat all this food by myself.  As I reach for my phone to give her a call, she walks back in with a bag from TGI Fridays. I kid you not!  She sits down, opens the bag, and takes out a salad and puts it on a plate!  She then takes the bag and food container and sticks it in her purse and says to me "They won't mind, right?  I mean, you totally ordered enough food for 2 right?"  Needless to say this was the first and last time we went out. 

This was my response to him:

I swear to god what do these people think?  I have a similar story, only it wasn't the misleading of liking a particular food he failed to mention when we first met.  It was the wife!!!!!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Question of the Day: At what point does confidence cross over into cockiness?

I like a confident man.  I'm even more impressed by a confident woman who can hold her head up high and require only the best for herself.  What I'm not a fan of, is someone who has an entitlement attitude and acts as though its their right to put down or condescend to others.  I was just having this conversation with my girlfriend yesterday who said she was out to dinner with a bunch of her girlfriends and she was appalled by how they treated the servers.  She said they complained the entire time and acted as if they were somehow better human beings than the servers simply because of the side of the table they were on!

This reminds me of a time when I was on a date with a very wealthy, polished and powerful gentleman who seemed very sure of himself.  I realized, however, that his confidence crossed over into arrogance when he treated our server like a second class citizen.  Not only was it embarrassing and uncomfortable, but I felt as though I was aiding and abetting his behavior just by being his date!

There is a fine line, I will admit, between confidence and cockiness.  I mean, hell, I'm guilty of becoming too damn proud of myself and boasting when I've succeeded at something I worked really hard at.  We're human.  It happens.  The difference, I think, is that someone who becomes cocky or arrogant has worked at that attitude for sometime.  It didn't just happen overnight.  After years of doing great things, working really hard, becoming powerful, looking beautiful, or what-have-you, and constantly receiving praise, they filled themselves up with the accolades and forgot to self-check and become humbled by other life experiences.  

Arrogant people usually end up short circuiting themselves because they turn enough people off and become alienated.  And, the cockiest of cocky don't even care!  Anyways, how do you see yourself?  Are you confident or cocky?  Don't be too quick to answer.  If you fall into the latter category, you'd be wise to figure out why and then do something about it post haste!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Question of the Day: What's the strangest thing you've seen a date or significant other eat?

I one time was on a date with a guy who ordered a side of whole, raw garlic cloves.  When I asked him what they were for, he said, "Oh, these?  I like to eat them with my food.  They enhance the taste of everything."  Each time he took a bite of his meal, he'd pop a clove in his mouth and chew vigorously before swallowing.  I was absolutely horrified!  Needless to say, he did not get a goodnight kiss at the end of the evening.  I mean, he just as well should have showed wearing a sign that said, "I have really bad breath!"

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Question of the Day: What's the ONE thing you miss the most about having a significant other?

Wow!  I picked a doozy of a question today, huh?  I'd have the say the one thing I miss the very most about having a significant other in my life, is having a soft place to land at the end of the day.  I miss having that special someone who supports me, listens to me and is there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on.  Yes, girlfriends are wonderful for this and I cherish my BFF's and their supportive friendship more than anyone.   But its different with a soul mate. 

It's as if they have the ability to reach inside of you and nourish your heart with the right words or the perfect look that says, "It will be alright.  I love you no matter what."  They wipe your tears away and still find you sexy and desireable even with puffy, swolen eyes.  Perhaps its more the security I miss and just knowing that I have someone in my corner who will go to bat for me if God forbid, I accidentally burned my house down or pissed off an important client.

Well, like I always like to say, there are pluses and minuses to both being in a committed relationship and being single....and dammit, while I'm single, I'm livin' LARGE!  (I'll just have to make I stay out of the kitchen, away from stovetops while I'm single and living alone!)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Question of the Day: If you were given ONE sentence to say to your "one that got away," what would you say?

I'm having a difficult time even thinking of a "one that got away" because I feel like every experience and every person I've met entered and left my life for a reason.  I guess to the one that I had the highest hopes for and the one who hurt me the most, I would say, "Thank you for breaking my heart and showing me all of the inner-strength I have; I rely on it daily!"  (Does a semi-colon still count as one sentence??  I think so...)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Question of the Day: If you could go on a dream date to any sporting event, what would it be?

My ideal sporting event date (which I did one time experience!):  Tickets to a suite at the U.S. Open in Arthur Ashe Stadium.  Spending the day catching many early round games as we stroll Flushing Meadows and then meander back to our suite stadium seats for a late afternoon match.  Then ending the high pulse tennis day with a dinner at a trendy bistro in lower downtown, Manhattan.  Ahhhh...I love this time of  year!  Now I just gotta figure out how I'm going to get myself on that date within the next couple of weeks!

Monday, September 6, 2010

Question of the Day: What was the most offensive "compliment" someone ever said to you?

I one time went on a date with a guy who seemed surprised when he first saw me and said, "Wow!  You look a lot different than the first time we met.  You look so much older!"  Uh...thanks?  Gee, what a way to woo a girl!  When he realized his faux pas as he saw my look of horror, he went on to make matters worse by saying, "I just meant, you looked so young and hip the first time I saw you."  Hmm...some people should just quit while they're ahead!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Question of the Day: You exchanged numbers with someone you're really into. Who should make the first contact, the man or the woman?

It's a new millennium and dating has changed.  I, however, really don't care!  We are still human beings encoded with DNA that motivates men to be providers and hunters and women as gatherers.  Despite being in a new, fast paced modern world of technology and liberation, I find absolutely nothing wrong with co-opting into traditional roles where men still pursue and women respond.

If you're a follower of Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's dating guide "The Rules," then you're familiar with rule #7 "If he does not call, he's not that interested.  Period."  While I'm not usually a proponent of hard set rules, game playing and strategy in relationships, I couldn't agree more with this notion.  If a man is interested, he will find a way to contact you!  If its been a week or two and you have not heard from him, he isn't too busy, he didn't lose your number, he's not stranded in some inner-city ghetto because he was robbed and held at gunpoint.  He's just not that into you.

I once met a beautiful female bartender who told me that she no longer gives her phone number out to men who hit on her.  She said she was sick and tired of becoming interested in someone, only to wait in vain by the phone for them to call.  She was confident and matter-of-fact as she proclaimed, "He met me here, he knows where I work.  If he's that interested, he'll find me!"  Absolutely girlfriend!

Am I suggesting women never call a guy?  No way.  You absolutely should call men; however, I think you set the stage when you hold out and wait for him to make the initial contact.  By doing this, you honor your dignity, respect yourself and maintain that you have requirements.  You never want to start out the relationship with you, as a woman, pursuing because you'll always wonder if he would have ever made the first contact.  

In his best selling book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," I love when Steve Harvey proclaims,  "When a guy comes to win your affections, you know when a guy is trying to win something from you. You are the one who determines what he wins. A guy can't hold your hand unless you let him. A guy can't kiss you unless you let him. We certainly can't get in bed with you unless you okay it. So you control all of that. Knowing that you have that kind of power, there are a lot of things you can get from a man. Chivalry is not dead. It is just not required anymore."  Amen, hallelujah!  Girlfriends, its time we require more for ourselves and quit lowering the bar on standards!  Afterall, like Steve suggests, we can't have our power taken from us unless we give it away.  Well I say...its time to take it back!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Question of the Day: If you ever realized you needed to make a change in your personal or dating life, what did you do to kick-start the change?

I think we're always experiencing times in our lives' when we realize its time to make some changes.  I, for one, know that it's about high time I start being kinder and gentler to myself, and appreciating the good person, mother and friend that I am.  Lately, when I'm at a crossroads and needing to make some changes, the very first thing I do is quiet my mind by meditating or going on long runs in nature.  When I give my brain a break from the incessant criticism and bantering, my energy shifts and I seem to notice more of what is in the moment:  a bird chirping, ripple effects along the canal, a vibrant butterfly fluttering nearby, the laughter of my children.

People think I'm crazy when I tell them that I actually really enjoy my life the most when I'm fed up and detoxing from dating.  It's like I get to take a stand and say, "Enough!  It's time to focus on Kari now!"  It's my time to reflect and work on self love.  The very best thing of all during this time, is somehow the Universe heeds my call and starts to bring me more love, positivity and happiness.  It's so cliche, but so dang true; if you don't love yourself, how can you expect anybody else to love you?

Typically, the majority of us hold ourselves back from true happiness.  For many of us, it feels more safe and familiar to accept failure and that we're actually petrified of real success because we don't know what it looks like.  It's foreign, so it's easier to self-sabotage and stand in our own way and resist peace and happiness.  The beautiful thing about proclaiming the need for change in your life, is that once you do, the world will make way for progress to happen.  Happiness really is a choice.  It's that simple!