Thursday, September 2, 2010

Question of the Day: You exchanged numbers with someone you're really into. Who should make the first contact, the man or the woman?

It's a new millennium and dating has changed.  I, however, really don't care!  We are still human beings encoded with DNA that motivates men to be providers and hunters and women as gatherers.  Despite being in a new, fast paced modern world of technology and liberation, I find absolutely nothing wrong with co-opting into traditional roles where men still pursue and women respond.

If you're a follower of Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider's dating guide "The Rules," then you're familiar with rule #7 "If he does not call, he's not that interested.  Period."  While I'm not usually a proponent of hard set rules, game playing and strategy in relationships, I couldn't agree more with this notion.  If a man is interested, he will find a way to contact you!  If its been a week or two and you have not heard from him, he isn't too busy, he didn't lose your number, he's not stranded in some inner-city ghetto because he was robbed and held at gunpoint.  He's just not that into you.

I once met a beautiful female bartender who told me that she no longer gives her phone number out to men who hit on her.  She said she was sick and tired of becoming interested in someone, only to wait in vain by the phone for them to call.  She was confident and matter-of-fact as she proclaimed, "He met me here, he knows where I work.  If he's that interested, he'll find me!"  Absolutely girlfriend!

Am I suggesting women never call a guy?  No way.  You absolutely should call men; however, I think you set the stage when you hold out and wait for him to make the initial contact.  By doing this, you honor your dignity, respect yourself and maintain that you have requirements.  You never want to start out the relationship with you, as a woman, pursuing because you'll always wonder if he would have ever made the first contact.  

In his best selling book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," I love when Steve Harvey proclaims,  "When a guy comes to win your affections, you know when a guy is trying to win something from you. You are the one who determines what he wins. A guy can't hold your hand unless you let him. A guy can't kiss you unless you let him. We certainly can't get in bed with you unless you okay it. So you control all of that. Knowing that you have that kind of power, there are a lot of things you can get from a man. Chivalry is not dead. It is just not required anymore."  Amen, hallelujah!  Girlfriends, its time we require more for ourselves and quit lowering the bar on standards!  Afterall, like Steve suggests, we can't have our power taken from us unless we give it away.  Well I say...its time to take it back!

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