Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Question of the Day: What's the hottest vacation spot you've been to with a significant other?

Just yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend about "hot" vacation get-away's with a lover.  She told me one time she was in a remote destination in Mexico with a private beach outside her villa that she literally had sex on with her lover every day!  She said they were basically more out of their clothes than in them, the entire trip!  Wow!!  Yeah, I think any place that's tropical, remote and perfectly warm and breezy automatically sparks up the hormones and naturally stimulates amorous feelings in people. 

That said, however, I also find romantic ski vacations very romantic and arousing.  There's something about snuggling all warm and cozy with someone in a log cabin with a roaring fire, while outside the snow blusters, that can make any level headed girl swoon and melt!  Or what about big city destinations that have a nightlife pulse strong enough to palpitate any marathon runner's heart?   Day trips to museums, lunch al fresco in quaint little bistros, evening dancing in remote plazas? ...Omigosh, now where did I put that passport application?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Question of the Day: When do you think it's appropriate to introduce your new partner to your child(ren)?

A lot of people I meet say they would never introduce the people they're dating to their children until after 6 months.  In theory, I suppose that's practical, but in reality, I just don't think it's realistic.  I have introduced my kids to several guys I've dated and don't regret a thing (well, okay, maybe one!!)  In actuality, I am a package deal and in order to assess how the relationship is going to work out for everyone involved, all parties need to meet and learn about one another.  If you trust your instincts as a parent, introducing people to your children is also a great barometer for how the relationship is going to procede as deal-breakers will show themselves sooner rather than later!

I'm not advocating bringing home every Joe Schmo you encounter; however, if you're currently dating someone and things seem to be naturally moving forward, introducing the kids within a couple of months is reasonable and important.  The reality is, you cannot shield or protect your kids from the current changes of their family structure and having divorced parents means life is going to look different than it did before.  If you think about it, change is inevitable in everybody's life and sometimes the younger you are at learning how to adapt, the better able you'll handle change and stress as an adult. 

Monday, August 23, 2010

Question of the Day: Have you ever seen your ex's significant other wearing an item of your clothing?

Ha!  I was listening to the radio this morning and a guy phoned in saying that his ex-girlfriend is still a friend of his on Facebook and that they keep in touch from time to time.  He went on to say that the other day he noticed she posted pictures of herself with her new boyfriend.  He said when he looked closer at one of them, he noticed the dude was wearing his motorcycle jacket and helmet!  Poor guy! 

Another guy called in and said he was at a woman's place one night and she opened up her underwear drawer, pulled out some boxers and said, "Here!  Sleep in these!"  When the DJ asked him if he was cool with free swingin' in another dude's underwear, the caller said, "Hell no!"  Omigosh, what are some people thinking?  I got my own clothes, thank you very much!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Question of the Day: Who plays head games more, men or women?

Not having conducted a thorough quantitative analysis on this topic, I just have to go from pure experience in the singles world.  And female cohorts, I'm sorry, but I gotta out ya!  My answer is women.  But chicas, if it's any consolation, I think men are bigger babies and, so, what would you prefer being better at? 

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Question of the Day: What do anniversary dates of former relationships mean to you now?

Some anniversary dates are welcomed reminders of a happy time in our lives that we shared with friends and loved ones.  Some, are painful memorials of times when we experienced a great loss.  Regardless, anniversary dates have a way of stimulating an array of emotions in all of us, some predictable, some unexpected. 

When the anniversary date of my wedding came up amidst my first year of being divorced, I was overwhelmed with nostalgia, as I reminisced about the beauty of the nuptials as well as my family members' attendance and support. Throw a little guilt, shame and depression on top of the mix, and you have yourself a full blown breakdown. 

This past year, however, I burst out in laughter as I was driving with my two kids in the car and my daughter had asked me what the date was.  When I responded, "Honey, it's the 24th," I realized that 16 and a half hours had actually gone by before I had even realized it was the date of my wedding anniversary!  With a huge guffaw, I screamed it out loud again, "It's the 24th!!!!"

I've been on this divorce roller coaster (God willing!) long enough to realize that, like a long string tied to another soul, from time to time over the years, is going to get pulled and tugged on, and often at times when I least expect it.  Patience, trust and acceptance of our emotions during hallmarks of our past, help heal our wounds and are the best expressions of self love one can give to oneself.  Today's a new day - happy anniversary!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Question of the Day: What do you think are the social and emotional consequences of finding out your spouse/significant other is gay?

No names here, but several people have crossed my path that were in marriages or long-term relationships only to discover that their mate was gay.  I even have a friend whose husband was a cross-dresser which ultimately led to the demise of the union.  I was talking with my girlfriend about this topic before I posted it and we were both mulling over whether we would actually feel better or worse knowing our significant other was having an affair with another man?

It's definitely a very convoluted situation replete with many tentacles and scenarios.  Heck, I even know of couples who stay together and agree that its okay for the gay partner to have a relationship outside of the marriage.  All grieving experiences are unique, but I think the process for the straight partner would take on a whole different challenge than a dual heterosexual split.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Question of the Day: What is the best way to handle your significant other's child/ren from being negatively influenced by their ex?

It's such a tragedy when children are used as pawns and end up being the "casualty" of divorce.  I've heard of this situation often where a couple has to "de-program" the children once they get home from visiting the ex.  It's a difficult situation not only for the children, but for the new couple as well, as they try to navigate through these circumstances.  In many cases, the ex brainwashes the children specifically about the new partner their ex has and this dramatically impacts the relationship. 

Well, bottom line is, the mother and father of these children aren't going anywhere, so a lot of compromising and patience needs to take place between all parties that involve the upbringing of the kids.  Afterall, when two ex's have an acrimonious relationship, it's the kids who suffer the most! 

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Question of the Day: If your significant other goes through a MAJOR change in appearance (weight, surgery, etc.) that you don't care for, what do you do?

When I was in my teens and early 20's, I was very curvaceous (okay, at times I was downright chubby!).  I met my soon-to-be husband while looking this way.  When we were engaged I got heavily into running and started doing lots of different races which ultimately motivated me to run a marathon.  My body was quickly changing and I was soon becoming rather fit.  

It really wasn't until after having two kids, that my body did the most morphing and I underwent my biggest physical transformation.  I am, I suppose, one of the rare women whose metabolism actually speeds up after childbirth.  After my second child was born, to keep active and busy, I started going to the gym everyday which eventually resulted in becoming a fitness and Spinning instructor (Gee, can you say, obsessive-type personality?).  

I grew my hair long, became a size 0-2 and literally looked like a different person from back in my youth.  Anyhoo, while I'm sure most husbands would relish this new version of me, mine wasn't a fan.  Not that he hated how I now looked, but it wasn't the girl he originally married.  Truth be told, I'm sure there was some insecurity on his part from potential wife poachers out there and a fear of losing me.  

I don't say all of this to brag, but more to make a point; because my husband preferred the more voluptuous Kari, my major physical transformation did have a negative impact on our relationship.  You see it all the time where, as new couples explore their new found comfort in having a mate, pack on the pounds as they experience new things together.  We like to say that we choose our mate's, not based on how they look, but because of who they are, but we all know it's physical attraction that first piques our interest.  

Ya gotta wonder with all of the new weight loss and plastic surgery procedures now being practiced, how this impacts the significant others of those looking at their "new" mates?  I admit I'd find it strange if I were, say Spencer Pratt and one day woke up next to the new Heidi.  Let's face it, there's more than meets the eye with such drastic measures and the mental issues and adjustments for both parties will inevitably rise to the surface.  IMHO.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Question of the Day: What color of clothing are you most drawn or attracted to with the opposite sex?

According to the recent research and cited in the AOL Health article (below), women as well as men, are mostly attracted to the opposite sex who wear the color red. The research suggested women's attraction to the hue worn by men promoted their interest based on status, sexual response and romance. What else is rather fascinating was the finding that an individual's attraction to the opposite sex who wear red, is totally without awareness as they are completely oblivious to its power over them! I always thought I liked a man in light blue or black, but perhaps I need to test this theory out at my local Target and see how drawn I am to the male employees! Target....eh...oh well, it's a start!

Seeing Red: Women Attracted to Men in Rose-Colored Clothes - AOL Health

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Question of the Day: In a long distance relationship, what are some good strategies for making it work?

You hear many gripes from people claiming that long distance relationship's don't work.  The truth is, LDR's aren't for everyone; however, I have seen my fair share of lengthy and successful ones.  I'm not sure I've personally ever been cut out for one myself, but then again, so long as I have a lot of reassurance, honesty and communication from my significant other, who knows?  Anything's possible...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Question of the Day: Have you ever heard the term "Lubber?" Bonus point if you can name its origin and what happens to you when you don't get one?

Oh it's a whole new world for me.  I just learned a new term today:  "Lubber."  If you can tell me where it comes from and what happens to you if you don't plan ahead and get one...heck, I'll buy ya a case!!!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Question of the Day: Would you rather have a partner with passion, intensity and incredible sex but constant fighting and upheaval or a steady, peaceful relationship with lack of sexual compatibility?

Volatility and upheaval coupled with amazing, intense sex tend to go hand in hand in many relationships.  You know them well, and perhaps have been in a few of 'em yourself.  These on and off couples bicker, fight, and break-up to make up.  It's like some sick obsession with drama and sex.  I'll admit it, I've been in one or two of them myself and can vividly recall all the tortorous mixed feelings of seduction, intoxication and powelessness.

Hell, take Rihanna and Eminem's new video "Love the Way You Lie" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U) for instance.  It stars two insanely beautiful people (Megan Fox and Dominic Monaghan) where one minute they're beating the crap out of each other and the next going at it like two dogs in heat.  Seriously?  We're now so desensitized to these couplings we're unapologetically glamorizing domestic violence in #1 rated music videos? 

Sorry, I digress... 

I personally believe these options are not mutually exclusive and that it is possible to have a steady, peaceful, healthy relationship with a wonderful sex life.  It's all about two self respecting individuals coming together and embracing happiness, trust, stability and compromise.  I'll say it again, it's pretty simple, happiness is a choice!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Question of the Day: Who do you think lies more about their age, men or women?

I really have no idea on this one.  Totally stumped.  Most men I've dated that didn't want to divulge their age, just either wouldn't tell me or would say, "I'm in my late 40's" (ie. "I'm in my mid-50's.")  Honestly, when people are wishy washy and dance around the "age" topic, to me it just shows they're trying to hide how old they really are.  And then, in fact, I'll probably assume they're actually older than their age.

I personally have never lied about my age.  I'm 40 and proud dammit!  But sometimes I do wonder if, as the clock ticks, I'll change my overt ways?  Do more people lie as they get older?  Or are the guilty fibbers those that are on the cusp of a milestone (ie. 29) and fighting to salvage their youth?  I wonder with the ever-increasing popularity of plastic surgery and injection procedures, are more people prone to knocking off a few years on their drivers licenses as a result?  These days, you really have to wonder!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you feel your dates usually push for sex too soon after meeting?

Surprisingly, I tend to hear this complaint just as often from men as from women!  Wellllllllll...okay, but some men are caring gentlemen out there that do gripe about this scenario!  I guess you reach a certain age when you're past trying to go out and just "hook up" and you want to really get to know a person before becoming intimate.  But let's face it, there are as many opinions and rules of thumb on this topic as there are sex positions! 

I'm personally not a big believer in starting out a relationship in a sexual manner, because I think it really does get in the way of truly getting to know a person.  It shifts the relationship to that of a sexual one and at that point the sex becomes the focus.  If the relationship lasts long enough, you can get to the point where there is a balance between your sexual relationship and time spent together outside of the bedroom.  However, you increase your odds of it becoming a lasting relationship when you take some time to learn about each other before becoming physical.  

I certainly have had my share of dates where I end up feeling like a defensive back pushing the dude off of me so that I can come up for air and, uh, protect my end zone!  I'll never forget the time when I was on a second date with a guy who literally pouted and got angry with me when I wouldn't relent to his advances.  I was shocked and asked, "What is this?  High school?"  Later he called me admitting he felt foolish and came to his senses once his...er...senses adjusted. I reminded him that he wouldn't want for me to have sex with him out of obligation and that intimacy is so much better and more fulfilling when both parties are wanting it.

I have to say, that was a pivotal moment for not only him, but for myself.  I realized that having sex under pressure has never led anywhere good in my past and that if someone isn't going to tolerate me being true to myself, then they don't really care about me as a person or getting to know me better.  And that's a deal breaker!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Question of the Day: What is the biggest relationship challenge you've faced? How did you get through it?

Oh boy, if I had a dollar for every relationship challenge I've heard, I'd be a RICH woman.  Personally, the biggest obstacle I faced was in my marriage, but to protect his privacy, I won't divulge the details.  Obviously, we handled it by divorcing, as sometimes relationship upheavals just can't be worked out by staying together.  Sometimes letting go and moving on is the only option.  Ideal no, but necessary in some situations, yes.

I'm always impressed by couples who find a way to change together and allow their relationships to morph into new identities as different circumstances arise.  Call me naive, but I still believe in everlasting love and the theory that no problem is too big that it cannot be solved with love!  I know, I know...just call me Pollyanna!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Question of the Day: Tonight's the NIGHT! Do you think "Bachelorette" Ali should pick Chris or Roberto?

So will it be Roberto, the hard-bodied insurance agent from Charleston, South Carolina, or sexy and sensitive Massachusetts landscaper Chris L?  Oh decisions, decisions!  Life's rough for the beautiful San Fransisco based star of this season's "The Bachelorette" Ali Fedotowski.  Either way, she really can't go wrong as these guys are the real deal who have proven their loyalty, stamina and love for Ali throughout this controversial show.

Even though Roberto is undeniably hunk-o-licious (I mean, c'mon!  Did you see him in his baseball uniform on his hometown date?  SLURRP!) and attentive as the day is long, I can't help but have a preference for Chris L. to become Mr. Fedotowski.  He's not only dreamy with his soft spoken voice and all-American good looks, but he's calm, sweet, and completely head-over-heels in love with Ali.  On his hometown date with her, we got to see how his father doted on and adored Chris's late mother, and that's a really great sign for any woman!  

Anyhoo, the rumor mill has it that Ali opts to pick neither candidate and remain single.  If that ends up being the case, I know a certain matchmaker who would love the opportunity to have Ali's lovelorn leftovers in her hunky male database.  Shoot, she might even have to try 'em on for size herself!