A lot of people I meet say they would never introduce the people they're dating to their children until after 6 months. In theory, I suppose that's practical, but in reality, I just don't think it's realistic. I have introduced my kids to several guys I've dated and don't regret a thing (well, okay, maybe one!!) In actuality, I am a package deal and in order to assess how the relationship is going to work out for everyone involved, all parties need to meet and learn about one another. If you trust your instincts as a parent, introducing people to your children is also a great barometer for how the relationship is going to procede as deal-breakers will show themselves sooner rather than later!
I'm not advocating bringing home every Joe Schmo you encounter; however, if you're currently dating someone and things seem to be naturally moving forward, introducing the kids within a couple of months is reasonable and important. The reality is, you cannot shield or protect your kids from the current changes of their family structure and having divorced parents means life is going to look different than it did before. If you think about it, change is inevitable in everybody's life and sometimes the younger you are at learning how to adapt, the better able you'll handle change and stress as an adult.
I have been on the other side of this topic (I don't have children but I dated women with child(ren)). Once I find out about the child(ren), I always offer to have the date somewhere kid friendly. That way when she decides she's ready to introduce me to the child, she knows that I will be willing to do stuff that may not be fun for her and I, but for the child. Also if she is in a pinch and may not have a babysitter, she would know that I would be willing to change my plans due to the situation. It's more of to reassure her that I won't turn and run because of the kids.
ReplyDeleteActually for me I have met the children relatively early on. I've dated 4 women with children, and the longest until I met the children was a month into the relationship. A couple of times I met the kids before the woman and I actually started dating, and the other time was a week in (the lack of babysitter situation described above). The relationships, alas didn't last, but in none of the relationship did the kids break us up.
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