Monday, November 8, 2010

Question of the Day: Guys, honestly, what does it mean when a woman you're seeing has to ask, "Where is this going?"

My personal feeling is this, ladies, if you have to ask, "Where is this going?" it means its going nowhere. I remember one time, back in my college days, I made the mistake of asking this guy I was seeing this very same question. We went out on dates, went to bars together with mutual friends, he slept over regularly, etc. So, when I foolishly asked him where this "relationship" was going, I got a slap in the face, kick in the gut, large can of whoop-ass opened on me reality check that dashed all my hopes of our happily ever romance! He responded with, "I don't want a girlfriend right now. We're in college and having fun. I want to keep my options open, so let's just keep this light and simple, okay?"
I learned a tough lesson then, but it served me well in my future dating habits. I learned that men want and need sex and they are quite effortlessly able to compartmentalize relationships, job, love, money, etc. Whereas us chicks, after sleeping with a guy, don't usually have the capacity to turn off the oxytocin effect (the hormone that causes women to become attached after kissing, hugging, cuddling and orgasm) and to not become all consumed with our lovers. I learned that it was important for me to find out his intentions before actually sleeping with him because, in the end, it would cause me a lot less heartache. And also, just because he said how much he wanted me, did not translate into, "Let's run off together and make babies."
Ladies, do yourselves a huge favor: take the pressure off you and your dates. Go out. Have a good time. Accept the dinners. Get wined and dined. It's okay if every guy you go out with isn't your soul mate. The point is to live life and to find what you're looking for. And sometimes the best way to know what it is you want, is to first determine what it is you don't want. And chances are, if you have to ask, "Where is this going?" whether you realize it or not, it's most likely something you don't want. Period.

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