Monday, October 18, 2010
Question of the Day: If your best friend was too picky in finding a mate and had unrealistic expectations in what they wanted in a partner, what advice would you give them?
I ask this question today because as a matchmaker, its a common theme in my business. I receive phone calls daily from folks looking to me to help them find love. Most of the people I speak with are very down-to-earth, open and receptive to my feedback on what they should be doing and focusing upon to help them find a mate. These are the individuals who willingly embrace their current life circumstances and remain open to what type of person will be attracted to them as well. Its clients such as these that encounter the best results through matchmaking, because they allow and trust the process to naturally flow and take its course.
This said, however, every now and again I do speak with someone who has unrealistic expectations in what they feel they should have in a partner. These are the folks who come to me with a stern check-list of what they're looking for. Typically, they've been single for many years (on average 8+), admit to being "picky" and tend to be more defensive and, what I like to call, "blocked." They usually become quite defensive when asked why they're still single, complain about "what's out there," and often say things like, "Well, I'm not going to settle!"
I'm not sure if its an entitlement attitude, a defense mechanism, fear of rejection or a little bit of all of the above, but it intrigues me each and every time. The human spirit is so adaptable, loving and forgiving and yet, the ego seems to be our own worst enemy. I know I've been just as guilty of holding steadfast to ideals of what my mate must possess, and its finally dawned on me that I'm only hurting my own chances of finding love by being so stubborn.
Its only been until recently that I've put aside my own ego and examined exactly why it is I feel certain characteristics are a must. When I pick apart each trait that I feel is a requisite, I realize that when it comes to love, true love, I really am just selling myself short if I'm fixated on something so meaningless like height, hair (or lack thereof), income, etc. If we're really expecting someone to be a pefect 10, shouldn't we be holding ourselves' to the same standards?
It was quite sobering when I took that finger, pointed it directly back at myself and realized (**Gasp!!** alert the media), I'm not perfect! How the hell can I demand the heavens to open up and the love Gods to send down my male equivalent when I, myself, wasn't exactly the absolute be-all-end all celestial being? And iccckkkk!! There's only room enough for one diva in this relationship, no I will not be sharing my mirror, and I'll be right back because I have some changing to do and don't want to be dating myself right now, thank you very much!