Monday, October 11, 2010

Question of the Day: Why do some people say they aren't ready for a relationship, yet they continue to date?

This question is derived from the multiple conversations I've had with members of my organization who say things like, "I started dating this guy who told me he didn't want a serious relationship, but then he does things that show me signs that he really does!"  Or, "I understand she's not looking to get into a real heavy relationship right now, but I just want to spend more time with her."

People, I have to urge you here to please listen when people talk.  If a guy says upfront, "Look, I like you but I'm not interested in a serious relationship right now," do yourself a huge favor and believe him!  No, you aren't going to be able to turn on enough charm and charisma to get him to fall madly in love with you, resulting in his change of heart.  If he does, great, but its not likely to happen.  Further, if what you're looking for is a serious relationship, you're better off to cut your losses now and move on.  This way you can focus your energy into the direction of something you want versus trying to force an outcome that's likely to end in frustration and hurt. 

I think a lot of times when someone is emotionally vested in a person, they tend to hear what they want to hear.  Been there, done that.  I get it!  But, your best bet in the dating scene is to be brutally honest with yourself when you hear or see things that someone is showing you, regardless of the sad feeling it produces.  And the reality is, if someone tells you they aren't ready yet to settle down, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them.  Perhaps when they're ready or in a better space for something more serious, the right person at the right time will show up.  Regardless, its not your job to figure it out!  Focus on yourself, your wants and desires and all will fall into place perfectly for you.  Like my pal Wayne Dyer says, "Everything is on purpose."

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