Between myself, my girlfriends and my clients, I've noticed a trend amongst single people, particularly women, who seem to want it all in a partner; good looks, smarts, wit, charm, success and money. My question is this; can we really have it all? Not to sound like a Doubting Thomas, but I've either experienced it myself or seen it with others, that when you hold so tightly to a must-have standard in someone, it offsets other really positive traits that you could be overlooking. Like I tell my friends and clients, you can have that successful, rich, ambitious man, but a lot of times, with that comes the downside of him not being as available to you as you would like.
I, myself, was recently on a date with an incredibly successful gentleman who said right away, "Just so you know, work is a very big part of my life and don't take it personally if I can't always get back to you." BIG red flag! Essentially he was laying the groundwork and forewarning me of what the relationship was to look like. Lots of alone time for me, waiting around for phone calls, having to make up excuses as to why he wasn't available, broken promises, etc. No thanks! I'm sorry ladies, but unless you are willing to be someone's Barbie Doll, placed up on a shelf and only taken down to be played with when he sees fit, money/success is overrated! What's the point of being in a relationship if you can't count on that someone special being your soft place to land?
I do have sources of inspiration, however, and really do believe that it is possible to find "close enough" to everything you're looking for in a partner. Take my sister for example: at the beautifully saucy and mature age of 46, she's found her Prince Charming! She is engaged to a very successful CFO for a Fortune 500 company, good looking, doting, charismatic and fun man. And get this girls; he's blessed with a gorgeous British accent to boot! Just yesterday my sister and I were talking on the phone and she reminded me, "Kari, you can have it all! Look at Nick! He has a very high pressure job, does well for himself, has two kids of his own, and he still manages to make me his priority!" She and I both agreed that when you are someone's priority, you just know. There's no doubting, no making excuses, no loneliness and no heartache. The relationship just flows organically.
So can we really have it all? ABSOLUTELY! You just have to have realistic expectations for yourself and really figure out what it is you want and what's negotiable in a mate.
Great article! So true! Never wait on a man who is not going to give you the time and effort that you are wanting. I do not believe that a number goal in a man is money either. I had a friend that made it her goal and had the perfect wealthy man in her eyes once and then five years later due to the economy it was gone. I encourage clients to really write down what they are looking for in a mate. To not put money as the #1 either cause it can be gone in a flash too especially with this economy. Finding someone who is going to cherish you, love you, and give you the attention that you are wanting is very important. Too many women out there is looking at dollar signs in men or wanting that from men. The more money they have the more time they will not have for you is what I found out years ago. They have to spend most of their time keeping up their lifestyle. Kari, fabulous job on your article. I know you can reach other women who are single.
ReplyDelete