Monday, June 28, 2010

Question of the Day: Do you feel your "deal breakers" change as you get older? Or are they pretty much set in stone?

Aside from the no-brainer rules such as violence, drug & alcohol abuse, verbal abuse, sex addiction, etc, I would definitely say that my deal breakers have evolved over time.  Before I was married, I guess I was too young and stupid to realize that being with an absolute slob meant it would bleed over into other areas in our relationship and lead to major problems.  I also placed too much value on potential income earnings and thought that someone who could provide well would lead to my happily-ever-after.  Don't get me wrong, money helps, but it certainly is not the be-all-end-all and relationships need much more sustenance to maintain themselves.  

Now as a divorced mother of two, I have a whole new set of standards and have surprised myself with things that are no longer a priority to me in a mate.  For example, I now know the importance of division of labor, emotional support, communication and shared interests and activities.  Sometimes, you just don't know what you don't know and you have to try out different things before you stop and realize, "Hey!  This really matters to me!"  But that's not to say the pendulum doesn't swing back sometimes and we find ourselves holding onto old "rules."  I guess the lesson is, life is a journey and as long as we stay true to ourselves and listen to our internal compasses, we will live in our truth.  And there's nothing more fulfilling than that!

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