Thursday, June 3, 2010

Question of the Day: When becoming serious with a partner, when or should you disclose previous marriages?

This question comes from a current Princeton Elite Club database member who recently discovered his fiance lied to him about her previous marriages. He was told he was becoming hubby #3, only to soon discover he was more in the ballpark of "Mr. 5th inning!" YIKES! Well, my theory is this: If she was willing to string him along and lie to him about how many strike-outs were called before him, what else was she omitting from the poor schmuck?

But then again, I'm an open book so maybe I'm too harsh a critic. I just feel that in order for a healthy relationship to sustain itself you need to be unabashedly yourself - warts and all. I think I have the opposite problem because I tend to just purge all my dirty laundry (well....not all) right from the get-go. I figure, I'm sane (relatively), lively, energetic and eager and, while Lord knows I have my skeletons, why not put it all out there and let my guy determine if I'm worth stickin' around for. And if my past mistakes were too much for him to handle....see ya! Don't want ya anyways.

This said, however, I am not justifying or even remotely suggesting a string of bad marriages and broken-off engagements. (God dawg, one marriage gone by the wayside and I can't even commit to lunch!) But, the question pertains to full disclosure in a relationship. If you build it on a false fundamental premise, it will inevitably tear at the fabric of the relationship. If you have a past you aren't proud of and made some serious mistakes in relationships, don't you think you owe it to your partner, and to yourself, to inveil necessary information about how you've handled other serious relationships? It doesn't mean you haven't changed or that you aren't willing to, but you certainly don't want a mate to commit to you by default. I wonder if Elizabeth Taylor would be rootin' for Team Ms. Fabrication?

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